Digital Noise Episode 11: Into Darkness

The Digy-noizers (we’re SO street) bring you another week’s ear-load of the titles for home release you’ve just got to see! And those that you only kind of, and absolutely should avoid as well, of course.

We take a look at some of the best creature designs we’ve seen in, like, forever, in Frankenstein’s Army, take a voyage with the Enterprise to kill Osama in Into Darkness, follow the Winchester brothers through the latest season of Supernatural, narrowly avoid the machete in the giant HD Friday the 13th box set, and oh, so much more. Featuring giveaways for Ultimate Wolverine vs Hulk and Star Trek: Origins, this is the podcast to fill your ear holes with this week!

 

Thinking of purchasing any of the titles we discussed? Or anything from Amazon in general? Please access Amazon via our links to help support the site. We really appreciate it!

Star Trek Into Darkness Blu-ray Review   Star Trek Origins Blu-ray Review  Friday the 13th Blu-ray Collection Review

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Luther Season 3 Review    Mindy Project Season 1 Review  Supernatural Season 8 Blu-ray Review

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Frankenstein's Army w time   La Cage Aux Folles Blu-ray Review   Scanners 2 and 3 Blu-ray Review

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War Witch DVD Review   Black Waters of Echo Pond Blu-ray Review   We Steal Secrets DVD Review

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Hammer of the Gods Blu-ray Review   Wish You Were Here DVD Review   The Fly Blu-ray Review

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Ultimate Wolverine vs Hulk DVD Review

 

Follow Digital Noise on Twitter and make sure to review us on iTunes.

THE PANTHEON: COSMIC ENCOUNTER IS THE BEST GAME EVER MADE

(Welcome to The Pantheon, Chairman of the Board’s irregular series about the best games of all time. If it’s in the pantheon, you should own it.)

Let’s forgo any fluffy opening statements and get right to the point because I respect you and don’t want to waste your time: Cosmic Encounter is the greatest board game of all time.

That’s a bold statement, but it’s a statement that’s backed up by the game’s very simple rules, its infinite variety, its quiet complexity, and, most importantly, its ability to get every single person at the table yelling, screaming, scheming and laughing at the top of their lungs. It has a delicious theme worthy of the best American games. It has the depth of your favorite Eurogames. It has the “everyone has fun even when you get your ass kicked” factor of a party game. If you bring Cosmic Encounter to the table, everyone is bound to have a good time.

Cosmic Encounter CotB 2

The set-up is simple enough. Each player (five with the base game, up to eight with expansions) takes on the role of an alien race with five planets, each protected by five spaceships. Your goal is simple: you want to establish colonies on your opponents’ planets and the first person to have five foreign colonies wins the game.

The gameplay itself is fairly straightforward and can be taught in less than ten minutes. When it’s your turn, you draw from the “Destiny Deck” which tells you which player you are going to invade. This means that every alliance is brittle and the whims of the game can shatter even the strongest bonds between allies. Then you declare which of their individual planets you want to attack and request reinforcements, letting other people join in on the invasion. The defender can also call for back-up, with his friends rushing to his aid. Combat is a matter of basic mathematics: you add up the number of ships on each side and each opponent plays a card face down. The card may feature a number, adding more to the attack or defense score. It may be a negotiate card, which can allow everyone to talk it out. It could be something else altogether. If the attackers win, everyone gets to land a ship on the planet and the previous occupants are destroyed. If the defenders triumph, the attackers are toast.

Even if this was all the game had to offer, there would be plenty of fun to be had with Cosmic Encounter. While everyone’s deck of cards means that there’s a certain amount of luck involved in combat, it’s not random luck — it’s poker luck. Ever battle is a tense round of gambling, with both sides attempting to bluff their way into a victory. With no one knowing exactly what secrets the other players have hidden, each battle is a showdown of wills.

Someone says he can beat you, but offers to play a Negotiate card if you will. Do you trust him? Is he telling the truth? If you don’t comply, can he actually crush you? If you’re a lying, scheming bastard who likes a science fiction theme, Cosmic Encounter needs to be on your shelf.

Cosmic Encounter CotB 3But those basic mechanics aren’t what make the game really special. They’re just the incredibly simple foundation upon which the game’s true greatness is built. You see, you’re not just playing as an anonymous alien race — you’re playing as an incredibly specific alien race with incredibly specific powers. You randomly draw your identity at the start of the game and what you and your fellow gamers pick influences everything about the game. Each character sheet gives your race unique advantages and disadvantages and unique avenues to victory. Some of these races are military juggernauts, with ships that are far more powerful than others. Some are traders and can hold onto additional cards. Many of them allow players to contort (if not completely shatter) the rules of game, like the one that only wins battles by losing battles.

Suddenly, your game of galactic poker warfare has a dozen new layers. Who you choose to request assistance from is changed. The pace of the game as altered in unexpected ways. Every thing you do is coated in doubt and intrigue, as you carefully examine your opponent’s races and wonder how they’re going to twist the game to suit their very specific skills. That’s the beauty of Cosmic Encounter: once you know the basic rules, you can play it forever without any problems, but no two games will ever be the same. With the expansions, there are close to 200 alien races to choose from, meaning that you will never see the same combination skills and abilities at your table ever again.

Many games get old or stale after repeated plays. Everyone learns the board, knows what’s in the deck and can prepare for any situation. Not Cosmic Encounter. It reinvents itself with every play. Even if you’ve owned the game for years, it’ll reinvent itself every time you open the box. It’s magic, guys.

Cosmic Encounter has been around for decades, but the current printing by Fantasy Flight games is the best its ever been. The components are gorgeous and the art is lovely. Everything is nice to touch and the game just looks nice on the table. This is ultimately a game where 90% of the activity is about bartering and talking and threatening, but everything has the gloss of the best thematic war games.

Everyone has their own specific taste in board games, but Cosmic Encounter is the rare experience that has something for everyone. No game has ever offered so much depth and re-playability while being so simple. Few games encourage being this social while forcing thoughtful strategy. If you haven’t played Cosmic Encounter, you just haven’t played your new favorite game yet.

Cosmic Encounter CotB

Friday The 13th: Camp Crystal Lake Counselor Speaks Out!

While sifting through both of our pieces of fan mail recently, we came across a letter clearly delivered to us by mistake. This made sense of course, as it was incredibly hard to believe that two whole people would send us fan mail.

The mysterious letter was addressed to the administrators of Camp Crystal Lake and was dated August 13th, 1982. Given our steadfast reverence for the sanctity of the federal postal service, we waited the entirety of twenty-two seconds before we tore into it. What we found was a formal complaint from a very unhappy female camp counselor.

Crystal Lake Letter

Here’s what she had to say…

Crystal Lake Enterprises
CO: Summer Leisure & Hemorrhoid Ointment Division

To Whom It May Concern:

My name is Betty, and I am a counselor at your supposed summer camp. I am writing you today to protest your inflammatory hiring methods.

I don’t know what rock you had to kick over on Whore Island and South Cantkeepitinyourpantsburgh, but these so-called employees you wrangled have not stopped humping since they arrived. I was actually worried that perhaps where you meant to hire eight youth counselors, you instead inadvertently added an octet of genetically enhanced rabbit-people to your payroll. As someone saving herself for marriage, I find this carousel of boning particularly offensive.

That is, except for one guy. He’s not had much success courting me or any of the other nubile females you sent. I guess you could call him “the funny guy.” He’s content playing practical jokes and generally acting like a creep. There’s always one “funny guy” isn’t there?

The point I’m trying to get across is that, besides myself, there is not one counselor here fit to lead an ill-advised solo midnight darkness hike, much less supervise children.

Oh, and while we’re on the subject, where are all the children? The other counselors and I have been here for a solid week and we haven’t been sent so much as one tow-headed mouth-breather. How do you remain in business? I am well-aware that in the past you’ve had a few (what is the kind way to say it) wet farts in the public relations department, but as a finance major at Local University, I feel I must inform you that in this economy, it is exceedingly unwise to operate a childless children’s summer camp for children.

But let’s get back to the unapologetic chromosomal mismatches with whom I am now forced to work. I hate to be a tattletale, but it’s now five minutes to noon, which means they have officially exceeded their allotted lunch break period by…three days. Apparently they all thought it would be hilarious to go into the woods for a beer-fueled picnic and then just go ahead and not be seen since. The nerve! That is, unless you count the guy wearing the blood-stained burlap sack on his head I keep seeing looking in my window. Yeah, real original, “funny guy.”

Oh, and I really don’t like pointing fingers, but I’m pretty sure that at least one of these wayward wanks is also a thief. I can’t even count how many power tools, gardening utensils, and pieces of sports equipment have gone missing since we arrived. I know times are tough, but how much money could anyone really hope to acquire by hocking stolen machetes, chainsaws, garden sheers, and hockey masks? I guess there is benefit of doubt to be lent here, but unless a down-on-his-luck Bobby Orr is stalking the area AND hellbent on clearing storm debris from his backyard despite the financial troubles that drove him to steal from a kid’s camp, I’d say it’s time to check some staff bunks.

So here I sit, all alone in a creaky cabin on these now deserted campgrounds with nary a hatchet nor lawn dart with which to occupy myself. I’ve made the most of it; taking long steamy showers and dancing around in my underwear to both rock ‘n’ roll. I think the missing degenerates left a bag of smoking drugs behind as well as some alcohols, but I don’t touch that stuff.

At least the scenery around here is nice. The lake is positively choked with majestic nature weeds and ominously upturned canoes. The insects chirp the night away with a relaxing “ki-ki-ki-ma-ma-ma,” and some native bird’s song sounds oddly reminiscent of blood-curdling murder screams. It would be perfect if not for the chunks of bloody flesh from what I assume are pigs that were mutilated by what I assume are coyotes that instinctively leave shreds of clothing on their prey.

I hope you like the taste of sarcasm, because I just eye-fed you a shovel-full. All those things serve to NOT make Camp Crystal Lake the “idyllic and relatively murder-free natural paradise” advertised in your brochure. In fact, I’ve heard many a townie describe this place as “Camp Crud.” Yeah, I’m almost positive that’s what they said.

Ah, I hear the insects now. Strange, I haven’t heard those birds since yesterday. Oh look, there’s the “funny guy” again. Yeah, I see you out there! Well at the very least, those of you reading this can now call off your search for the missing hockey mask.

In any event, Camp Crystal Lake administrators, the situation here is untenable. If drastic changes are not made to your hiring standards, I can assure you I will be the final girl…to ever apply for this job. Sorry, I don’t know why I added an ellipsis there. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to stick this letter in the only mailbox within a ten-mile radius; the one outside that grimy old hunting shack deep in the forest.

Consider this my resignation, and do not for a moment think you won’t be hearing from me again.

Sincerely,
Betty Kant-Catchmee

 

To all our horror movie brethren out there, we wish you a happy…

Friday 13th 3D logo

 

Sure, that fake letter was silly, but at least Jason found it funny. Right, Jason?

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Good news, slasher fans! Friday the 13th: The Complete Collection is available on Blu-ray as of today! Fitting! Need to get your Jason fix? Why not purchase the set via our link below and help support the site? Not doing so would be a crime on par with chopping off Mrs. Voorhees’ head. Or at least, that’s what we’re going to tell Jason that you did if you don’t buy the Blu-ray set.

F13th Collection

Inside The Locker: NFL Week 1 Recap

The locker geeks take to the armchairs to begin their Monday morning (or rather Wednesday evening) analysis of the first week of the NFL. They break down the big plays, recount the best games, discuss fantasy football implications, and hand out some very nerdy awards.

The guys also get into a heated debate over regulated violence in football that almost has them clobbering each other like Ben Grimm on a bad day. They also introduce a new ongoing game segment entitled the ITL Pensieve.

Don’t be a benchwarmer, listen and share this latest episode of Inside the Locker!

 

Show Breakdown…

Scores and Stories (2:22)

Mr.Glass_Football

Topics Discussed: Cheating in NASCAR, College Football Week 2 Upsets, Mr. Glass plays for Purdue, Mike Beasley, Buck Showalter/Joe Girardi Feud, Derek Jeter’s Season Is Over

 

Main Topic: NFL Week 1 Recap (32:10)

TroyPolamaluSack_original

Which players had standout games? Who made the big hits? What does that mean for your fantasy league? One question at a time, please! We also hand out our now signature awards: The Pwn Zone, Frittata of the Week, The Rudy and, The Fredo.

 

He Might Be a Cyborg: Peyton Manning (41:07)

peyton

Nearly forty-years-old, only his second season back from a major neck injury, and the guy puts up 452 passing yards, throws SEVEN touchdowns, and not a single interception?! He is not human.

 

Introducing the ITL Pensieve (98:00)

Pensieve2

We predict the outcomes of all NFL games week to week. Each host will give his prediction and we will keep a running tally throughout the season.

 

HEY! WHAT’S YOUR TAKE ON THE BIG COLLEGE SHOWDOWN THIS WEEKEND?

Who Will Win Bama vs. Texas A&M?
  
pollcode.com free polls 

 

Follow us:

@ITLCast
@BriguySalisbury@jcdeleon1
@ITLelliott

THEOG: Episode VI

It’s about time we lived up to our promise of guest appearances from some of our old LEOG friends, and today it comes to pass as Randy sits in on the discussions. And what discussions they are!

This week we talk the original Marvel Star Wars comics line, The Superior Foes of Spider-Man, two actual books: God is Disappointed in You and Crooked Little Vein, and a whole anti-hero discussion featuring spoiler talks about the new film Riddick and not-so-new-anymore game Bioshock Infinite. Ya don’t wanna miss this one, true believers!

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Cousteau Song of the Week                    Cousteau Buy the Album2

Digital Noise Episode 10: Lightning Strikes Again

Brian and Chris and Luke….oh my! The triad of the TV dish on the latest home releases, getting into a big tiff over “The Lords of Salem”, all squishy about From Up on Poppy Hill, and unilaterally (except Luke, but he doesn’t count on this one) excited about MST3K: The Movie.

Add to that a bonus review battle from our old friends Harris and Cat, and the triumphant (and more honest) return of The Lightning Round, and you’ve got one helluva great DN episode. So, in answer to Public Enemy’s fervent call in 1987…the noise…we has brung it.

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 Thinking of purchasing any of the titles we discussed? Or anything from Amazon in general? Please access Amazon via our links to help support the site. We really appreciate it!

Now You See Me Blu-ray Review   The Fugitive Blu-ray Review   Lords of Salem Blu-ray Review

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MST3K Movie Blu-ray Review   From Up on Poppy Hill Blu-ray Review   WB Thrillers DVD Review

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Cockneys vs Zombies Blu-ray Review   Vampire Diaries Review   Haven Season 3 Blu-ray Review

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Parks and Rec Season 5 Review   DaVinci's Demons Season 1 Blu-ray Review   The League Season 4 Blu-ray Review

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Sinbad Season 1 Blu-ray Review   Twilight Zone Season 5 Blu-ray Review   The English Teacher DVD Review

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Stories We Tell DVD Review   Bay of Blood Blu-ray Review   Five Dolls for an August Moon Blu-ray Review

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Empire State Blu-ray Review   The Iceman Blu-ray Review

 

Follow Digital Noise on Twitter and make sure to review us on iTunes.

Interns Wanted!

That’s right, One Of Us is seeking a few good interns to help us run the site on a daily basis. Chris and I would like to focus more on the content creation and less on the logistics of posting and editing. As much as we love beating our heads against the keyboard, never sleeping, and still record podcasts as our brains slowly melt into marmalade. We’d also like to add a news component to the site. We’re reaching out to you, our loyal listeners/readers and offering you a chance to join the OOU team! We’re looking for about seven interns (five to handle writing news/managing posts and two audio editors).

We’ll be completely upfront about this: at this time we cannot pay. You have no idea how much we would love to compensate you for your time and your assistance, but as we are just getting off the ground, the cash simply isn’t there. We will however provide experience you can list on a resume, add your name to our Staff List, and give you any recommendations you might require for future jobs. We’ll also be sending you a special gift at the end of the year (spoiler alert: it might be from the One Of Us Store).

So what is it we’d like you to do as a OOU Intern? Do you have to live in Austin? How does our CMS system work?

One question as a time! Just kidding.

You absolutely DO NOT have to live in Austin to be an OOU intern, that’s the beauty of the internet! As to the ins-and-outs of our posting system, we use Word Press. While experience with WP would be nice, it is in no way a requirement as we’ll be training all our selected noobs. As to what you’ll be doing on a daily basis, if you’re a writing intern it’ll mostly be scoping the web for interesting movie, TV, and comic book news and writing up blurbs about those news bits replete with your personal take on it. Also, don’t fret about post formatting and style when applying, we’ll train you on that too. The two candidates we choose as our audio editors…well, you can probably guess what you’ll be doing.

Here’s the breakdown…

Duties

For Writers:

  • Finding and writing news
  • Creating housing posts for podcasts

Potential Future Duties (Contingent Upon Merit):

  • Writing editorials/columns
  • Handling our social media

For Editing Interns:

  • Putting together finalized podcast audio from raw files
  • Submitting files to dropbox

Potential Future Duties (Contingent Upon Merit & Experience):

  • Video editing
  • YouTube posting

 

Requirements (Who Are We Looking For?)

  • Strong writing skills
  • Passion for geeky topics and media
  • Dedication (Ideally we’d like one post per day from each writing intern)
  • Ability to accept constructive criticism
  • Fact-checking abilities
  • Self-motivator
  • Good communication skills
  • For our audio editors, we’d prefer experience with Final Cut

 

How To Apply!

Email a few writing samples (if you’re applying as a writing intern) to oneofusnet@gmail.com with “Intern Application” in the subject line. These samples don’t have to be film/entertainment related and there is no set number you must send us. We just want to get a sense of your abilities as a writer. Personality is our business so don’t worry about these pieces being overly formal and structured. Send us what you think best represents you as a writer. If you also feel you’d be a strong candidate as an audio editor, mention that in the email. If you’re applying strictly as an editor, tell us what programs you are proficient in and send us something you’ve edited (or the link to it).

 

Deadline: September 13th

Once we’ve narrowed down the list of applicants, we’ll be holding interviews either over email or Skype. We’ll make our final decision by September 20th.

 

We want to thank you all in advance for you interest and your desire to give of yourself to ensure the continued success of this site. We truly would not be here without you. If you have any questions whatsoever, feel free to post it in the comment section below. Thanks again!

ITL: NFL Kick-Off Show!

It’s finally here, the start of the 2013 NFL season!

Last night, your favorite locker geeks brought you play-by-play coverage of the Ravens decimation at the hands of the Broncos. Now you can listen to the audio! Joined by our special guest, filmmaker Tyler Mager, we discussed fantasy football implications, drank a truckload of beer, and made many MANY inappropriate jokes. In addition, we took your questions, discussed the headlines of the week, and chose our “Might Be a Cyborg” candidate after the game.

If you didn’t get to participate in the chat live, feel free to listen to the embedded recording of the event.

 

DB vs BR

Chairman of the Board: ‘Archipelago’ Will Make You Feel Like A Bastard

At the end of the day, a board game’s theme is only a coat of paint…but let’s not discount how important that coat of paint really is.

You may be drawn to a specific game because it features spaceships and you like spaceships. Maybe you picked up another game because it has zombies on the cover and you enjoy zombie stories. Fan of wars between ancient civilizations? Well, then you’ve certainly entered the right hobby!

The art on the box, the promise of the kind of story you’ll be telling around your table, is the easiest way for a game to get someone’s attention. Ultimately, that theme is simply the window dressing on a collection of mechanics that may or may not be satisfying. in the case of truly great games, the theme complements how the game is played, feeding into every action, coloring every choice, and forcing you to practically role-play your turn. When an impeccably designed set of rules meet the right theme, the result is something miraculous — you start to play the game and make decisions like you actually live in the universe pictured on the box. This is how the best tabletop games in the world are born.

But not all games are spaceships and zombies. Hell, not all games are developing the French countryside or building efficient train routes. Some games are built around themes that are genuinely abhorrent and (this is the important part) don’t seem aware that they’re dealing with something offensive and disturbing. I am, of course, referring to the board gaming medium’s obsession with European colonialism as a theme.

Arch 2I’m not here to give you a history lesson since you’re probably a smart person who knows all of the basics already, but here’s the rundown: for hundreds of years, white people from Europe sailed around the world taking land that didn’t belong to them and generally being bastards to all of the brown people they encountered along the way. Thirty seconds of research will tell you all about how Christopher Columbus’ arrival on the “new world” was less of a great moment for civilization and more of a great moment for people who like rape, torture, murder and the decimation of entire tribes of people. Human beings have a habit of being despicable lowlifes, but this is one the most popular tracks on our Greatest Hits album.

It’ll be difficult to find anyone who disagrees that this was an age worth cherishing, which makes all of the board games centered around the subject feel, for lack of a better word, gross. There’s no denying that Puerto Rico is a great game (one of the greatest of all time, even), but note that the Meeples you have toiling in your sugar are black and try not to feel a little sick to your stomach. Games from the European school of design tend to embrace more historical and quaint themes, but operating a plantation on Puerto Rico during the age of colonialism is historical and quaint in the broadest strokes only. Take even a slightly closer peek and you’ll discover a game where you’re forcing slaves to work in your fields so you can win victory points.

Yeah, I’ll be the first to admit that my hypocrite flag is showing a bit. I’ll gladly play games where I backstab and murder my friends. I’ll gladly play war games based on actual wars. I find Spartacus: A Game of Blood and Treachery (where you buy gladiators at market and pit them against your friends’ human property in battles to the death) to be absolutely delightful.

So why does this particular theme bother me so much? With most games, you can chalk up violence and chaos to telling a great fiction story. With historical war games like Axis and Allies, you’re dealing with a generally righteous conflict that’s still being debated and analyzed by history buffs today. And Spartacus? Well, Spartacus is so silly and soap operatic in its storytelling that you stop connecting it with actual history altogether.

But the wounds are still fresh from the age of exploration. Entire civilizations are still reeling from the events of a couple hundred years ago. This was not a massive war between equal opponents, it was a slaughter. To be more specific, it was a slaughter that many board games completely whitewash, treating conquered people as just another route to victory points or a worker to place on your board.

Archipelago Board Game Box

There’s probably no way to feel good about playing games that deal with this subject and it’s hard to simply stop playing them. There are too many amazing games, too many important and influential designs that use this theme to ignore. To make matters more complicated, this is a theme that’s still being used on great games being published today. I recently sat down with Christian Boelinger’s Archipelago, a game that sees players exploring a randomly generated island chain, stripping it of resources and subjugating the local populace.

As ugly as that theme is, the game is brilliant. Archipelago feels representative of the future of board gaming, where designers will stop working in narrow design niches and start to freely borrow from everything that’s come before. This is a worker placement game where your decisions power 4X exploration, with everything governed by a tense auction mechanic. It feels like five games in one, with all of the seemingly disparate parts working together seamlessly. It’s a triumph of game design, a clockwork of mechanics where every decision you make will have repercussions around the table. I’ve never played anything quite like it and I can’t wait to play it again.

ArchiBut there’s no denying it: you feel like an outright bastard when you play Archipelago. Rather than be the hero of your own personal tabletop story, you feel like the villain. In its own way though, the game acknowledges this. The native population isn’t abstract in Archipelago. It’s always present, tracked by its own little chart. If you create too much chaos and too much unhappiness, the figure on the chart rises, sowing revolution. If revolution ignites, the colonists are run out and everyone at the table loses.

Perhaps the secret genius of Archipelago isn’t the design, but the fact that it acknowledges that actions have consequences. The game operates as a series of barely controlled chain reactions, keeping you constantly aware that everything you do will come around to bet you in the end. Archipelago may not be the most culturally sensitive game out there, but it’s a step forward for a genre that’s been making gamers uncomfortable for decades. You can’t be the bad guy and expect the people you hurt, even if they’re just numbers on a chart, to not turn around and wreck your silly little game.

Digital Noise Episode 9: Reunion

On this week’s episode of “Inside the Locker”…erm, say what, Brian? Let’s take that back to the editing room…”On this week’s episode of Digital Noise…” … Ah, that’s better. Brian might be miles and miles away but with the wonders of the internet, anything is possible. This week, Brian recants on The Walking Dead, Chris deduces the quality of CBS’s “Elementary”, the two of them fight “Q: The Winged Serpent”, have many adventures with Winnie The Pooh, and question the vagaries of existence within “The Painting”. Well, amongst other things. Even with distance there still must be BEER!

Make sure to check it out, as this week two lucky listeners will get a chance to win “Sons of Anarchy: Season 5” on Blu-ray. You gotta check it…

 

Thinking of purchasing any of the titles we discussed? Or anything from Amazon in general? Please access Amazon via our links to help support the site. We really appreciate it!

Walking Dead w time   Sons of Anarchy w time   Elementary w timeEmpty Space

Among Friends w time   A Company Man w time   To Be Or Not To Be w timeEmpty Space

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The Painting w time

 

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