Vote Now! Sports Movie Tournament Second Round!

Well, you’ve done it. From the opening collection of 64 sports movies, your votes have narrowed the field to 32.

We want to thank you all for making your voices heard and delivering no small amount of surprises along the way.

But as you well know, we can’t start the on-air tournament until we shrink things down to the Sweet 16.


So it’s time to vote once more!


Below is the bracket as it stands right now…

ITL_Tournament_Sports_Round2


As you can see, there are sixteen new match-ups that need to be settled before we record the episode. Below are graphic breakdowns of those new match-ups and, just like before, clicking on each one will allow you to vote for each match-up. Go to it!

VOTING IS NOW CLOSED, THANKS FOR PARTICIPATING!!!


Baseball Division…

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Football Division…

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Basketball Division…

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Misc Division…

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Again, click on each image to vote for the winner of each match-up. Let’s tip this thing off!

VOTE VOTE VOTE!!!

Watch a Movie with Us: Free ‘R.I.P.D.’ Commentary

Continuing along this countdown of shame (where’s Disgrace-y Kasem when you need him?), Brian and Chris arrive at the #2 worst movie of 2013 as voted upon by you, our sadistic fans. Today, we are enlisting ourselves in the questionable law enforcement agency known as the R.I.P.D.

At first, we weren’t sure that R.I.P.D. could actually be any worse than Grown Ups 2, which we survived earlier this week, but as our special guest for this commentary so eloquently put it, “it is the most pointless movie ever made.” A relentless parade of Men in Black ripoffs, R.I.P.D. has nothing in the way of its own personality. I mean heck, even Jeff Bridges isn’t creating an original character for the movie; opting instead to copy and paste his garbled cowboy schtick from True Grit.

Rest assured, Bridges’ incomprehensible tongue-tumbling becomes the subject of many an impression and joke during this COMPLETELY FREE commentary.

Joining us for this free commentary is Joe Parsons from Master Pancake Theater, also a former member of the LEOG. Feel free to download the commentary and see if our running skewering allows you to stomach the cumbersome, CG-laden, internal-consistency-devoid R.I.P.D. Huzzah!

Digital Noise Episode 39: Alternate Dimensions

Some really weird stuff happening in this week’s episode. It started off normal enough, with Chris and Brian reviewing some of the big tent pole releases like The Desolation of Smaug and the latest Paranormal Activity, and even finding time to rip the new Friedberg & Seltzer film to shreds. But then, in the middle of the show, Brian found…the artifact.


Suddenly the barrier between dimensions came crumbling down and a transmission from one of the darker Digi-verses managed to enter our airspace. In this dimension, Chris is still (mostly) Chris, but Brian no longer exists. Instead, Chris’ co-host in the parallel dimension version of Digital Noise is some guy named Richard with a strange accent. This week, in their timeline, Grudge Match, I Am Divine, and Nurse 3D are covered.


We’ll have to keep close tabs on this alternate universe Digital Noise, but for now, having returned again to timeline prime, Brian and Chris announce a special DN Grab Bag giveaway that will net you, the lucky winner, not one, not two, but four mystery titles from the show’s past. Troubling quantum physics issues aside, really great show.

Empty Space

Please do consider using our links below to make all your Amazon purchases! Much appreciated!

Desolation of Smaug Blu-ray Review   August Osage County Blu-ray Review   Paranormal Activity Marked Ones Blu-ray Review

Empty Space

Cry Danger Blu-ray Review   Bamboo Saucer Blu-ray Review   Bang Bang You're Dead Blu-ray Review

Empty Space

Best Night Ever Blu-ray Review   Grudge Match Blu-ray Review   I am Divine Blu-ray ReviewEmpty Space

A Touch of Sin Blu-ray Review   Nurse 3D Blu-ray Review

 

GIVEAWAY! GIVEAWAY! GIVEAWAAAAAAAAAY!!!

 

DN Grab Bag

How To Win This Week’s Giveaway:

1.) Follow @OneOfUsNet on Twitter

2.) Tweet at us with the most random quartet of actors you could think of to play The Fantastic Four (e.g. Nick Cage, Captain Kangaroo, Animal from the Muppets, and Tiny Tim). Don’t forget to tell us who each would play.

3.) Add #GrabBagGiveaway

4.) We’ll select our favorite and contact that winner via Twitter (open to U.S. Residents only)

Empty Space

Follow Digital Noise on Twitter and make sure to review us on iTunes.

The Die Cast: Let’s Go To Space Jail

What if Australia was founded…IN SPACE?!

That’s the oddball set-up for Durance, a science fiction storytelling RPG that takes the age of colonialism and transports it into the distant future. Inspired by England wrangling control of the Australian continent through penal colonies, this inspired game from designer Jason Morningstar (of Fiasco fame) sees players working together to build a prison colony on a distant and hostile planet. Playing as both the convicts and the authorities, 3-5 gamers tell the bizarre (and usually violent) history of their colony in a totally reasonable 2-3 hour game session.

What happens when uber-Capitalism, an underground alien drug trade, petty vengeance, wanton violence, and terrorist activity collide in a shabby dome built on a planet where oxygen is a luxury?

Durance

Well, you’ll just have to listen and find out! Jacob and Daniel are joined by special guests Tyler Mager, Toni Salisbury and George Hickman for one of the nuttiest episodes of The Die Cast yet! Which of us will make it out alive and what will be left of them?

 

Ash & Fern: You’ve got me feeling emotions

Over the past few weeks I’ve witnessed a wide range of TV emotions from the outside as a friend of mine finally caught up on the most recent season of Sons of Anarchy. She started out fairly neutral, not really sure what all the yelling had been about all those months ago. Then there were a few “oh holy shit” type texts, followed by some confusion about WTF was going on. Then a few days ago, knowing she only had 2 episodes left, I waited. At 10:30 that night I got the text I knew was coming. She was devastated, and then extremely pissed that she cared so much about a TV show. I have since been informed that she is marathoning Sabrina the Teenage Witch in an attempt to recover.

 

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I suggested Torchwood should she desire something slightly more grown up that will still make her smile.

 

I reassured her that I get it. Whatever the reason, a really good TV show (or sometimes even a kind of ok one) can inspire emotions in me that real life doesn’t seem to. I’m often described as dead on the inside and I wouldn’t even try to argue that point. But sit with me while I watch the Spartacus finale again and you might be shocked to discover that I do actually have functioning tear ducts. Additionally I have already informed Ash that I will not be joining her to see The Fault in Our Stars in a theater. Considering the number of tissues I went through when reading the book, that’s something I should tackle in the privacy of my own home.

 

 

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I feel actual emotions when I watch TV. I get angry when a show doesn’t end the way I think it should. I get sad when a beloved character dies, and even sadder when that character is half of a beloved couple. I get annoyed when a storyline takes a detour that I wouldn’t have chosen. And I get REALLY pissed when a show ends abruptly and I don’t get an ending. All the while I’m trying to remind myself that none of this is real. Doesn’t help. The recent finale of How I Met Your Mother managed to hit almost every single one of these pet peeves in the course of an hour. I was not pleased. Given the chance I would happily travel back in time to a few months ago and take my own advice to JUST STOP WATCHING. Ugh.

 

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You people are dead to me.

 

So why does TV often affect us so much? For me at least the answer is pretty obvious. I spend an hour a week with these characters. (Or when an obsession takes hold, hours and hours a week.) In many cases this is more time than I spend with people that I actually know. I see them at work, doing a job that is a minimum of 23 times as cool as mine. I see them at home, living in a cool city in an awesome apartment and not worrying about whether they need a cheaper cell phone plan. In an argument they always manage the clever comeback I usually can only come up with 15 minutes later. I watch them get their hearts broken.

 

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And way too often I watch them die, or at least turn into zombies.

 

Eventually I feel like I really know them. And even better (or worse?), sometimes I feel like I could be them. This is probably why I can’t seem to stop taking those “Which Firefly character are you?” quizzes online. (For the record internet, I am soooo not Jayne. Something is wrong with your algorithm.) So when something terrible happens to character X, in a way I will always feel like it’s happening to me.

While I know deep down TV shouldn’t affect me this much, the sad reality is it does. And as long as this so-called “golden age” of TV continues and the incredible stories and characters are a part of my life, my emotional attachment will continue. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m finally emotionally ready to dive into the season premiere of Mad Men.

Vote Now! Sports Movie Tournament Round 1: Misc. Division

Before we wrap up March Madness (*cough cough* in April *cough*), we are engaging in one last mega tourney; this one to decide the best sports movie of all time. I know, the implications are staggering.

Not this week, but next, we’ll be battling through the Sweet 16 of sports films. Obviously, this category is made all the more difficult by the fact that there are countless cinematic triumphs across all the various sports.

How the hell can we even decide which movies from which sports make it into the Sweet 16?!

We won’t…you will!

We’re opening up the field to a full 64 movies, but don’t worry. We’re NOT going to record an eight-hour episode in which we debate each and every one. Instead, we’re going to let you, the readers/listeners work our field of 64 down to 16 with your votes.

Here’s a glimpse at the overall bracket…

ITL_Tournament_Sports-1

We’ve created four divisions for the bracket (Basketball Movies, Baseball Movies, Football Movies, Misc Sports Movies). Over the next few days, we’ll be revealing the match-ups for the first rounds of each division. You can then click on each match-up to vote for the winner.

You’ve already starting weighing in on the Basketball division, the Football division, and the Baseball division, but now it’s time for the Miscellaneous division! Think of it as the “And The Rest” category.  The match-ups, according to the rankings, are…

VOTING IS NOW CLOSED, THANKS FOR PARTICIPATING!!!

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Again, click on each image to vote for the winner of each match-up. Let’s tip this thing off!

VOTE VOTE VOTE!!!

 

Watch a Movie with Us: Free ‘Grown Ups 2’ Commentary

Well here it is, the first of our three commentaries for the worst films of 2013 as voted by you, the distinguished members of Us Nation.


I don’t know what we did to you to make you hate us so much, but we will not go back on our word. Even if that means watching the absolutely repugnant Grown Ups 2. That’s right, coming in at #3 according to your votes is the sequel to a film that really pushed the envelope as to how far a group of wash-outs can ride on the “I’m friends with Sandler” ticket.


Joining us for this viewing party is comic artist, and obvious masochist, Paul Benjamin.


Also as promised, this commentary is completely free. Why? Well we figured it will be embarrassing enough for you to actually have to rent Grown Ups 2 from your local videostore. Ok, enough sweet sheltering preamble, nothing left to do but (gulp) watch Grown Ups 2.

The Original Gentlemen: Intergalactic Cap America

It’s a new era for The Original Gentlemen, as Beau, Chris, Ashley and Martin double down and commit to a bi-weekly schedule. This first of our regularly scheduled programs brings you our old friend Jason Neulander, creator of “The Intergalactic Nemesis”…

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…who has some rather big news to share with all of us, as well as sticking around for our Spoiler discussion of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, the season 4 opener of Game of Thrones, questions from fans, news stories, and more.

 

 

Supersuckers song-1                    Supersucker album-1

The Top Ten Starship Captains Of The Small Screen

I love sci-fi and space exploration shows. There’s something about people gallivanting through universe in search of what’s beyond the stars that speaks to my heart in ways few other genres can.

At the center of many of these stories is the captain, the person most often made the protagonist or at the very least a person to look up to during the journey. TV has been the birth place of many of the most beloved captains in all of science fiction/fantasy, but among all the names, who stands above the rest?

I set out to answer this question using the following criteria:

1. How cool was the captain as an individual?

2. How cool was the captain’s ship or vessel?

3. How adept was the individual at captaining said ship(s) and managing the crew (only ships with crews count, no one seaters on this list).

With those criteria in place, I soon had my list.

Oh, and to preemptively nip any complaints about featuring so many Star Trek captains in the bud, understand that Star Trek is one of the longest lasting and most important franchises in all of science fiction and to try and limit myself to one captain in all the series’ history is an insult to this outstanding franchise. Plus it’s my list, so tough toenails.

 

10. The Doctor 
Ship: Type 40 TARDIS

THE ELEVEN DOCTORSI love the Doctor. I’ve written plenty of articles on him and have reviewed a bunch of Big Finish audio dramas starring him in my series Big Finishing Move here on One Of Us, so you can say I’m a bit of a fan. He is one of my favorite fictional characters of all time. His ship, the TARDIS is easily the most impressive vessel of all the captains on this list as it can travel through all of space as well as time.

Why then if I love him so much do I rate the rouge Time Lord at the bottom of this list? To put it simply, the Doctor is a lousy captain. Not only is his command of his ship tenuous, but his crew never listens to him. Many of his companions over the years are known for their willingness to blow the Doctor off and do their own thing. The Doctor may be one of the universe’s greatest heroes, but his abilities as a captain leave much to be desired.

 

9. Turanga Leela
Ship: U.S.S. Planet Express Ship

Turanga LeelaLeela was the hardest one to place on this list. For a good while, she didn’t even make the cut, but the more I thought about it, the more her addition became a necessity. A competent pilot despite having only one eye (and thus no depth perception), Leela was easily the most competent and bad-ass member of the Planet Express team. She could even get the other employees to actually do their jobs on rare occasions. Fry exercised his good taste when he fell for this beauty.

True, she could be more than a tad self-absorbed and self-righteous, but her time with Fry and the others and the revelation of her terrestrial mutant roots softened her and made her a better overall person. The Planet Express Ship is pretty impressive as well. It’s one of the fastest vessels out there, it’s well armed, and it’s able to take quite a beating. A classy ship for a classy lady. I’m sorry I doubted you Leela, you’ve more than earned this spot.

 

8. Jet Black
Ship: The Bebop

cowboy131xIt sucks to be Jet Black. Every day he wakes completely broke with a crew who can’t be bothered to listen to him. Because he was an honest cop, he was set up to be killed by his partner, a hit he managed to survive at the cost of an arm. Seeing the unending corruption in the Inter-Solar System Police left him disillusioned and disgusted. However, he was really only driven to do one thing: hunt down bad guys, so he took what money he had, bought and modified an interplanetary fishing ship for long term flight, and slapped some bigger engines on it and began his career as a bounty hunter.

All this crappiness is hard enough to bear, but he cares deeply about his crew (way more than he can bring himself to admit), the only people he has left in this world, and he knows deep down that their paths will ultimately end in him getting his heart broken once again. It is enough to make a guy just turn over in his sheets and quit, but Jet gets up anyway, because that’s just the kind of guy he is. The Black Dog just won’t give up on the bone called life. He loves and maintains the Bebop the best he can and he’s reluctant to take it into battle, not just because the ship isn’t overly armed, but because if it gets wrecked Jet no longer has a home. No matter how hard it gets, Jet and the Bebop will keep on truckin’.

 

7. William Adama
Ship: The Galactica (BS-75)

commander-adamaThe people under Bill Adama’s command understand one unofficial rule: no matter how bad the situation is, just follow the “Old Man” and you’ll live to see the other side of it. Adama is the guy you call when you need to get stuff done, and it’s a good thing he excels at that because he’s crap at everything else.

Thrust into a position that is equal parts soft power and hard power with the destruction of the Colonies, Adama shows about as much mastery of political subtlety as a tactical nuke.  In Adama’s mind, everybody would be better off if they just shut their traps and did what he told them. Given how bad things sometimes got for the fleet, it is possible to make the argument that he was right. Adama busted his ass every day to keep the fleet going and thrived under the kind of pressure that would break any normal captain. His ship was a perfect reflection of its captain: past its prime, yet too old, tough, and stubborn to quit. The Galactica, like the man who commanded it, wasn’t pretty, but it had the goods in every way that counted.

 

6. Malcolm Reynolds
Ship: Serenity

malcolm-reynoldsAll Malcolm Reynolds wants in this life is the ability to come and go as he pleases and make his own way. Too bad he has an entire galaxy against him on that one. A veteran of the losing side of the Unification War, Mal has become an outlaw and smuggler on the outskirts of the galaxy as his own form of continued protest and rebellion against the Alliance. Mal has a simple, straightforward approach to life and command: don’t mess with him and you’re fine, screw with him or anybody he cares about and if your lucky he’ll only shoot you.

Mal’s rebellious spirit shines through in his choice of ship, an old transport ship named after the Battle of Serenity Valley, the last big encounter of the war. Perhaps Mal feels that as long as he has that ship, the battle of Serenity isn’t totally lost. Serenity herself is a bit of a clunker, and it’s absolute garbage in a fight. Fortunately, it can run like hell, living to be free another day. Burn the lands and boil the sea, you can’t take the sky from Mal.

 

5. James T. Kirk
Ships: USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) and (NCC-1701-A)

capt-kirk_yellowCU-001_1196284873No, you aren’t seeing things, Kirk only barely breaks into the top five on this list. While Kirk had brass balls and enough swagger to make even the Klingons flee, being a captain in Starfleet is so much more than that. I always scratched my head when they sent Kirk on diplomatic missions. His reputation did buy him some clout, but not enough to make up for the fact that he was bad at negotiations.

Don’t misunderstand me though, I still love me some Kirk. He walks into the room and just owns the damn place because that is just who he is. Kirk make getting out of the worst dangers in the galaxy look easy. Aside from the man himself, you have his crew who are all winners as well: Spock, Bones, Scotty, Uhura, need I even go on? Furthermore, do I even need to bring up the Enterprise? There aren+’t many names I have an automatic respect for, but Enterprise is and always shall be one of them. Here’s hoping for many more fine adventures of Kirk and company in the years to come.

 

4. John Crichton
Ships: Farscape One and severely unofficial Captain of Moya

hero crichton Every captain’s worst day on this list is John Crichton’s every day. Sucked up and shot out of a wormhole with little to no chance of ever getting home, Crichton had to adjust to being on the ass end of the universe and the fact that aliens exist in a matter of minutes. Scooped up by the escaped prisoners aboard the living ship Moya simply because they didn’t know what he was and thought he might be useful, Crichton found his fate now tied to these people whether he liked it it or not. Not a good way to start the day.

Chased around creation by those wanting revenge or the secrets behind the wormhole that deposited him from Earth to Peacekeeper space, John nurtures a long list of enemies. The nicest of these individuals only wish him dead. The worst of them is Scorpius. Tortured, beaten, frozen, duplicated, you name it, they’ve done it to John, but Crichton always makes it back alive, not necessarily sane, but still kickin’ none the less. About the only thing good about this whole mess is Crichton met the love of his life, Aeryn. Even if you contest his being the unofficial leader of the Moya crew, a fact that almost all his crewmates would dispute due to ego or otherwise, it is undeniable that he is the glue that keeps them together. Even not counting Moya, Crichton still manages to meet all my criteria as he modified his module into a two seater so he still meets the crew requirement. Cricthon meets the impossible every day, and somehow makes it work.

 

3. Benjamin Sisko
Ships: USS Defiant (NX-74205) and (
NCC-75633)

sisko1 Ben Sisko doesn’t play games, unless that game is baseball. He never tries to be fancy or overly clever, he just does his job, kicks your ass if needed to and goes home to take care of his son. He doesn’t give up, he doesn’t relent, he simply keep coming at you until he’s won. Even in retreat, he wants you to know that he’s only leaving to go get more stuff with which to kick your ass. Sisko didn’t start out as a great diplomat, but the needs of running Deep Space Nine, taking on the Dominion threat, and handling being named as the Emissary to the Prophets (the wormhole aliens that the Bajoran people worshiped as gods) forced him to develop the skill.

Deep Space Nine wasn’t supposed to be any form of major assignment, it was a less than important gig where Starfleet hoped Sisko wouldn’t burn out any more than he already had. Turns out all Sisko needed was something to fight for and his time at DS9 transformed him from burnout into a great leader. Sisko’s crew didn’t all trust him at first, but his dedication and ability to get things done helped him win over even his harshest skeptics. After the death of his wife at Wolf 359, Sisko was was tasked by Starfleet to create a ship to take on the Borg and found himself on the design team for what would become his ship, the Defiant. Her name and design perfectly compliment Sisko’s approach to things: she is little more than guns, engines, and armor. A compact vessel designed for quick, precision strikes to take the enemy out.  Long live the Sisko.

 

2. Jean-Luc Picard
Ships: USS Stargazer (NCC-2893), USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-D) and (NCC-1701-E)

Picard When I think Star Trek I think of only one name after the Enterprise itself, and that name is Picard. TNG was my gateway into Star Trek. It was something my Dad turned me on to as a kid and we would sit and watch it together. For that it will always have a special place in my heart. However, if you think it is solely nostalgia that has led to Picard getting the number two slot, you’re dead wrong. Picard is as badass as the day is long. His was a severely unhappy childhood, but Picard grew into a young man that excelled at everything with ease, and the bravado that came with that made him a bit of a dick. It wasn’t until just after graduation when Picard was stabbed through the chest by a Nausicaan in a bar fight that Picard started to get his shit together (Picard has an artificial heart as a result of this altercation). You know you’re dealing with one tough sucker when their reaction to being run through with  a knife is to start laughing. It taught him that he wasn’t indestructible so he better figure out more than one approach to everything.

In fact, Picard’s real strength comes not from his ability to kick your ass, but how little he chooses to use it. Picard holds violence in his back pocket, only bringing it out when others force his hand and then he makes them wish they never tested him. Picard is a man who uses his failures to push himself into being a better person. His greatest humiliation, being assimilated by the Borg and used as a tool to commit the atrocity of Wolf 359, stays with him despite it not really being his fault. He sees it as his duty to be better so those failures never happen again. Able to juggle political and military matters with ease, Picard is formidable on whatever front you choose to meet him on. He is a true warrior poet. Picard is very hands off with those in his command, which they respect because that gives them the freedom to do their jobs as best they see fit, provided of course that the job gets done. Once again, do I need to say anything more about the Enterprise other than I adore it? An elegant craft as multifaceted as her captain, if I had to serve on any Enterprise you can bet Picard would be the man in command.

 

1. John Sheridan
Ships: EAS Agamemnon, Various White Star

zhadum-07 When I started this list I knew before anyone else who had the top spot, the person I believe is the the almost perfect blend of the traits that I admire from everyone else on this list, and his name is John Sheridan. Sheridan has a simple, straightforward, and practical approach to life and his command. He speaks plainly and often from the hip, but it isn’t because he stupid or uncultured, it just he finds it the most effective way to do things. When he does have to play politics (which he loathes) you’ll find he is as clever as anybody out there. Fighting is always the last thing he wants to do, but is also the thing he is best at. Test him at your own peril.

He brought together the largest coalition in galactic history. He’s stood against forces able to tear the galaxy asunder with nothing but the fire in his gut and a pair of brass balls. His found ways to win when no one, including himself, was sure that it was possible. Dogged in the pursuit of his goals, loyal to his friends, deceptively smart, and with just a dash of rebel spirit, John Sheridan is the total package. While the White Stars may have been the tools he had to use, the ship he felt most at home on was the Agamemnon, a big clunky Earth Destroyer. He loved that thing so much that of all the ships he could have commanded for the final liberation of Earth he chose the Agamemnon. Not just because it was a powerful symbol, but because it was home. If I was ever given a command, I’d want to be just like Sheridan. That is the highest compliment I have to give.

 

So what do you think of my choices? Who would you put on this list? Let us know in the comments below!

 

 

 

The Strip Club: 4/13/2014

Technical difficulties prevented us from getting this week’s edition of The Strip Club up earlier today, but late is better than never! As you may recall, this weekly feature is the place where we share comic strips submitted by people just like you, the friends and fans of the website.

This week’s contribution is all about one of the most popular takeaways from Captain America: The Winter Soldier and the effect it’s probably having on all of your family and friends. Thanks once again to Zach Martin for a great strip!

 WeGetIt

 

We’d love for you to start submitting comics for our Sunday “Strip Club” feature. If you’re interested, please contact us at oneofusnet@gmail.com