Space Operas in the Kitchen: An Evening of Twilight Imperium

My table buckles underneath the weight of an entire galaxy.

Supernovas. Nebulas. Ion storms. Dozens of planets. And spaceships. Lots of spaceships. Whole fleets of them, each of them in a shaky alliance with their neighbors…or at total war.

At the center of it all is Mecatol Rex, the capital of this war-torn slice of the universe, the home of the now-extinct royal family whose deaths created the power vacuum that caused this civil war in the first place. Holding Mecatol Rex is the key to winning the war…and Daniel’s forces are sitting pretty on the surface.

Daniel is my friend, the ally on my left flank who I have treated honorably since the start of the conflict. In his rush for the galactic capital, he’s left his home planets wide open for the taking. My massive fleet hovers nearby, en route to another corner of the war, but I have a sudden change of heart. If I don’t cut Daniel off at the knees, someone else will. And that may win them the war.

I feel my soul die a little as I turn my Dreadnoughts and Cruisers toward my ally’s home world.

Twilight Imperium Board Game Review 2

Twilight Imperium is one of the best board games ever made, but it’s also one of the most daunting. Its massive box (and its two expansions) house a tabletop spaceopera that’s unlike anything you’ve played before, a game that’ll ask you to not only war with you opponents, but to make strategic alliances, work together to pass laws in a governing assembly and make morally devastating choices. It’s also something of a marathon, with games often running 10-12 hours. There are few things as devastating as watching your longterm plan get crippled in hour seven, leaving you grasping at straws as your well-oiled space empire splinters apart.

You don’t play Twilight Imperium unless your skin is thick enough to withstand crushing disappointment and the betrayal of your so-called friends. You don’t play Twilight Imperium unless you’re prepared to think on your feet and rebuild your wrecked space empire after an invasion destroys your economy. Like a real war, Twilight Imperium tests your ability to out-think your opponents as well as your ability to physically out-last them. It takes a lot of nerve a big pair of balls to stay sharp over the course of a half day long game.

Twilight Imperium 1

The crew arrives around 7:30 for rules explanation, but we aren’t actually playing until close to 9:00. There are a handful of Twilight Imperium veterans at the table, but most of them are rookies, fresh meat to power the War Suns.

As I explain the rules, I see many confused faces and furrowed brows, even from some of the experienced gamers. Although there is no single rule in Twilight Imperium that is more confusing than your average game of world/galactic conflict, there are bunch of rules. Your fleets can be composed of many types of ships. Planets you conquer offer radically different kinds of bonuses. Each alien race plays differently and each player has a deck of technology cards that he can buy from as he pleases. At it’s core, this is a remarkably straightforward game — you just have to comprehend the dozens of relatively straightforward options.

With rules explained, we build the galaxy*, with each player taking turns placing hexes featuring planets, barriers and other spacey things around Mecatol Rex, eventually leading to the far edge, where they place their home planets and their starting fleets. Ready or not, the game has begun.

Twilight Imperium is not necessarily about warring. As tempting as it can be to start an all-out war, this is a game of collecting victory points and sometimes, getting embroiled in a conflict will only distract you from actually winning the game. Throughout the game, various objective cards become available and each of them have a point value. Can you upgrade four pieces of tech? That’s worth a point. Can you have eight spaceships orbiting Mecatol Rex? That’s a point or two. The first person to ten points win the game. That’s what separates this from thematically similar (and simpler) games like Risk. Having a lot of might may allow you to crush your enemies, but it may not allow you to win the game. A scalpel can be more effective than a sledgehammer.

The really wily Twilight Imperium players are those who convince their friends to battle each other while they secure points, turning the various cold wars around the table hot while surviving through diplomacy and/or threats. It’s hard to win if you insist on playing clean.

Twilight Imperium 3

Right off the bat, I make an alliance with my Daniel to my left and Toni to my right, even going to far as to draw borders where we’re not allowed to cross. Across the table, George, Seth and David form a three-way team (which seems destined to fail since all three are trapped behind a string of ion storms and the only way out if through each other). Tyler and Paul make nice as well, effectively turning this into a game of three alliances.

As expected, the first few rounds are quiet and the alliances hold. Each empire expands into the unoccupied planets surrounding their home space. My race of bug people push against the borders of Toni’s sentient stars and Daniel’s diplomatic turtles, but our alliances hold. Everyone tests the water, gathers resources and preps their economies.

No one fires a shot for an hour or two.

And then it happens. The George/David/Seth alliance, already strained by the limited amount of territory in their neck of the galaxy, shatters when David’s forces declare war on George, who has focused most of his fleet on defending potential offensive from Paul. The table buzzes with excitement as David’s space pirates stomp George’s defenses.

We label David an oathbreaker. The title sticks to him throughout the rest of the game.

I imagine it’s possible to play Twilight Imperium in total silence, but I also imagine that game would stink. The game may have a 50 page rule book and more tiny plastic ships, decks or cards and cardboard tokens than any other game I’ve ever played, but it’s up to you to supply the most vital component: the right people. A game of Twilight Imperium isn’t defined by the beautifully sculpted pieces or the gorgeous art on the cards. It’s defined by personalities inhabiting the board.

Sure, Toni could have plotted her secret invasion of Seth’s homeland by quietly upgrading her forces and moving them into a seemingly innocent position by herself, but she didn’t. She would turn to me and we’d plot together, with me wanting her to cripple Seth’s forces and her wanting to ensure that our alliance would remain intact if she left her empire open to invasion.

We connived. We lied. I helped convince Seth that Toni wasn’t a threat and that he needed to move his forces to defend against THAT GODDAMNED OATHBREAKER DAVID. He fell into our trap and Toni cut him off at the knees, taking his home planet and leaving his fleet in tatters.

Twilight Imperium Blog

It was glorious. It was beautiful. It may not have been my plan, but I was a part of it. I was a character in the drama around the table, a key player in the space opera being played out on my kitchen. Knowing what I was plotting with Toni made all of the glances and whispered exchanges between Paul and Tyler across the table all the more exciting. What the hell were those two plotting? And how could I convince Daniel to undermine their alliance?

At one point in the night, Paul realizes that he misunderstood a rule and had been building and moving his units at about half efficiency for the past eight hours. He’s too strong to cry, but I know his heart is weeping.

And here we are, back where we started.

Daniel occupies Mecatol Rex and I’ve let him. We have a deal. He holds it to squeeze a few points out of it and then he’ll relinquish control to me. But I’m worried. The game is speeding up. Points are being accumulated faster than ever. I’m not winning. By the time Daniel gives the capital to me, it’ll be too late. I know it.

I maneuver my fleet into his territory, promising that I’m using his turf as a shortcut to invade one of Tyler’s planets. Of course, I’m a lying bastard and Daniel, being a good ally and friend, does nothing while I amass a titanic navy on his border.

I strike. Daniel’s home forces are decimated and the bulk of his fleet remains half a galaxy away on Mecatol Rex. It’s not an easy fight and I take heavy losses, with at least half of my spaceships exploding in the skies above Daniel’s home world.

But it’s mine. I plant my flag, put my ships in a defensive formation and begin to taunt the table with stories of how I’m putting all of Daniels’ citizens in camps and destroying his culture.

In the next turn, Tyler takes advantage of my less-than-stellar hold on Daniel’s planets and annihilates me, effectively taking me out of the war.

It takes a special kind of crazy to agree to play a ten hour space warfare game, but it takes another brand of crazy altogether to play a ten hour space warfare game well. An eight player game of Twilight Imperium is an exhausting and draining experience and for many gamers, it won’t be fun at all. Strong empires slip and crumble as their leaders get sleepy and lose focus. Smart, quiet empires emerge in the final hours to win the game, having planted all of the seeds and waited for the perfect time to strike. You win Twilight Imperium by enduring. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Looking back on it now, I betrayed Daniel at the exact wrong time. I could have gotten away with it a few rounds earlier or a few rounds later, but I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. I made a tactical decision so devastating that it left both of our space empires in ruins, letting Tyler and Toni sweep in to take advantage of the chaos. I spent the rest of the game desperately attempting to recall my reserve fleet from deep in Paul’s turf (where I was raiding his weakly defended flank and just being an asshole), but it was no use. My war was lost and it was my fault.

Twilight Imperium 4

It’s hour ten and David and Toni are neck-and-neck. Both of them are one point away from victory — the next person to score gets the throne. As both Toni and David’s forces prep for the final bloody onslaught, an assembly is called and George proposes a law from his political deck. Everyone at the table has to vote for a single player to receive a single victory point. Cue gasps. Cue exhausted laughter. Cue the snoring of certain players from the other room.

We all examine our war-ravaged populations and count our influence, the numbers (representing the population of our empires) needed to contribute the vote. It’s all come down to this: the conclusion of the war looks like it’ll be decided by a session in space congress.

No one wrote a screenplay for this session of Twilight Imperium, but the result is a perfect conclusion for our space opera. Toni snags the final point and secures victory, leaving David, the oathbreaker whose aggressive acts started this war in the first place, in the dust.

On paper, that may seem like an anticlimactic ending to such an epic game, but I can’t ask for a more fitting conclusion. For all of the tactics and all of the strategy and all of the rules and clever mechanics, the real joy of Twilight Imperium is the story your group ends up weaving. The order of our seating, the selection of our alien races, the shifting moods of the table and the randomly generated map all contributed to an epic tale of conquest and betrayal, of war and peace, of diplomacy and friendship. Every game of Twilight Imperium is a new story, a fresh experience that, by its very nature, feels like an epic book or movie.

Our story, our movie/book, told the tale of a great empire whose reach exceeded its grasp, with the mistakes of his past coming back to haunt him when the keys to victory were in the hands of the people he so boldly betrayed and battled. My personal rise and fall feels like an appropriate subplot: I attacked my friend and was punished for it. My mistakes in judgment stopped being poor gameplay choices and started feeling like thematically appropriate scenes in a gripping science fiction story.

I may be a loser, but damn it, my tragic tale is one for the ages.

Twilight Imperium 5

The sun is beginning to rise. The kitchen countertops are a mess of beer bottles and soda cans. The galaxy, disheveled and divvied up eight ways, sits on the table, a snapshot of glory and misery.

Everyone is tired. Some of us are disgruntled. Everyone looks ready to die from
exhaustion.

And all I can think about is our next game of Twilight Imperium.

*Observant gaming vets will note that we accidentally broke the rule that says you’re not allowed to place two red-bordered tiles next to each other.

 

Fiasco

Next Time On Chairman of the Board: Watch us create a situation built on a pile of dynamite and light a match as we get ourselves involved in a Fiasco.

Inside The Locker: The League of Their Own

This week, those four frittatas, who constantly make the inside of the locker smell like a bag of Indian-food-vomiting socks, bring you their favorite moments from the FX series The League. The show may center on fantasy football, but you don’t have to enjoy the sport in either plane of reality in order to enjoy it. You just have to know some truly awful people in your own life, some of whom you may even call close friends. We’ll breakdown all the reasons you should have already been watching The League as well as announcing ITL’s own fantasy football league!

Scores, stories, and other general shenanigans appear as well. If five of you listen to this fantastical episode of Inside the Locker, we’ve out-kicked our coverage.

SHIVA KAMINI SOMA KANDARKRAM!!!!

 

Show Breakdown:

Scores and Stories (19:00)

Football Phone

Topics Discussed: A-Rod’s Suspension, Jackie Robinson Statue Defaced, Greg Oden Signs with Heat, New New Orleans Pelicans Uniforms, NFL Celebration Restrictions, Football on Your Phone Manning Commercial

Main Topic: The League on FX (49:50)

League Pic

Whether you count yourself a Pete, a Ruxin, a Kevin, A Dre, a Taco, or a Jenny, FX’s The League is a hilarious exploration of the love/hate relationship we can have with even our best friends. When petty competitiveness trumps lesser qualities like kindness, generosity, and an across-the-aboard adherence to the law, you have the makings of comedy gold. The League Season 5 premieres on FX September 4, at 10:30 PM.

 

Don’t have Netflix? Buy the first three seasons from Amazon (Shiva will bless you for supporting our site).

The League Season 1   The League Season 2   The League Season 3

Digital Noise: Episode 5

Set your phasers to fun, Digiphiles! This week, captains Brian, Chris, and Luke boldly go on a fantastic voyage that takes them all the way from Oblivion to a New World. A wide variety of interesting titles covered as well as an outstanding Korean gangster film giveaway. Not to mention answering questions from a couple of awesome ladies in The Letterbox.

Crank the dial up to 12 and enjoy the Digital Noise.

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Thinking of purchasing any of the titles we discussed? Or anything from Amazon in general? Please access Amazon via our links to help support the site. We really appreciate it!

Oblivion Blu-ray review  Peggy Sue Got Married Blu-ray review  The Fog Blu-ray review

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Combat Girls DVD review  Star Trek S4 Blu-ray review  Legend of Korra Book 1 Blu-ray review

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Banshee Blu-ray Review  Under the Bed Blu-ray review  Incredible Melting Man Blu-ray review

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Black Rock Blu-ray review  Rosalind Leigh DVD review  The Demented Blu-ray review

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Oliver and Company Blu-ray review  Robin Hood Blu-ray review  Fernando di Leo Vol 2 Blu-ray review

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New World Blu-ray review

 

Follow Digital Noise on Twitter and make sure to review us on iTunes.

One Month Anniversary and PayPal Request

Hey One of Us Friends and Family!

It’s been exactly one month since the launch of www.oneofus.net and I wanted to spend a few minutes to give you an update on what has been accomplished in such a short time.

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The Stats

  • 1 iTunes Feed (Biggest request on launch)
  • 81,322 Page Views
  • 1.75 Terabytes of Data Transferred. (AKA a fuck of a lot)

The Content

  • 1 Commentary
  • 1 Radio Show
  • 6 Inside The Locker
  • 1 One of Us Show
  • 3 Ordinary Gentlemen
  • 5 Digital Noise
  • 2 Blogs (Geek Inherits the Earth, Chairman of the Board)

I don’t know about you, but I am blown away by the great content created FOR US by Brian, Chris, Luke, JC and many many other very talented and dedicated people. Personally I cannot wait to see/hear what is coming soon.

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And now, the big announcement…

New Paypal Subscription

Something being launched today is a new Paypal subscription component. One of the things we have learned in the last month is how much it costs to run a site like this. There are a number of expenses: podcast production costs, hosting costs, data transfer costs, bank fees, etc…

All of this has been an eye opener and we are hoping you can help us offset the costs of keeping this site up and running (and preventing Brian from having to donate plasma on a daily basis, that boy needs a steak).

OneOfUsDonateTo do this we set up a subscription page where you can contribute on an ongoing basis to the site. A couple of things about this subscription:

Why not just use a Donate button ?

PayPal only allows non-profits use Donate buttons. As we are trying to develop One Of Us as a business, we don’t fit the not-for-profit distinction.

Why a subscription?

We are hoping you, our beloved fans, can contribute a small amount every month to the site so that we can to bring you outstanding content. Keep in mind, you can cancel your subscription at any time. So if you only wish to donate for a month or so, go ahead and subscribe and cancel a few days later. It’s that simple!

What if I cannot afford to donate ? Will I still be able to download content?

We 100000% understand if you cannot afford to donate. That’s perfectly cool. Our content will remain absolutely free to you (except for the commentaries we plan on selling in the future)

What will the money be used for?

Keeping the site afloat and providing kick ass content for ALL OF US. We will be spending the money on: podcast production costs, hosting costs, data transfer costs, bank fees, creating new shows, compensating content creators, etc.

What about the Amazon things I bought?

In the last month the Amazon Affiliate links have helped bring in some dough, and we are so grateful to you guys for using those links to make your Amazon purchases. We will keep adding links to our Amazon account and hope you keep buying stuff from there. It really helps us when you do that and I want to say THANK YOU!

Anything else?

Any other questions you may have, please add them as comments here and I’ll do my best to answer them.

Thank you very much for being a part of One Of Us and keep on geekin!

–Rodman

 

Chairman Of The Board: Board Games Are Amazing (And Here’s What You Need to Know)

Board games are amazing. More specifically, board games are amazing and they have never been more amazing than they are right now.

While the video game community finds itself embroiled in a loud and ugly war over DRM and Hollywood struggles to do anything right, the world of tabletop gaming has been moving in some pretty profound directions. Board gaming is, quite simply, the only form of modern entertainment that is truly innovating on a consistent basis. Because it’s a niche market, game designers and publishers have more freedom to push against the boundaries of their medium and to try things that are new and radical and different.

It’s not that you don’t like board games — you simply haven’t found the board games that speak directly to you quite yet. If you’re tabletop experience begin and ends with that painful game of Monopoly you never finished with your family a decade ago, you ain’t seen nothing’ yet.

 

In other words, welcome to Chairman of the Board, a board gaming column that will attempt to educate, illuminate and get you excited about this world of cardboard and tokens and dice. It’s a world that may seem daunting at first — games can be expensive, there are dozens of types and genres, everyone’s ideal gateway is different, etc. — but I’m going to do my damnedest to tell you why it’s all worth the trouble. By the time I’m through with you, your wallet will be empty, but you’ll be completely and totally satisfied.

Ahem.

Let’s start with the broad strokes. Board game aficionados can (and oh, they will) argue semantics all day and all night, but you can ultimately break the world of tabletop gaming into a series of broad categories.

You’ve got…

Eurogames
Ameritrash
War Games
Deck Builders
Collectible Card Games
Living Card Games
Role Playing Games

You could then break each of these into further subcategories (and some games overlap these categories), but this is Gaming 101. We’ll get to the heavy stuff later.

Although the most important thing about playing tabletop games is, you know, having fun and stuff, knowing terms like this will allow you to walk into your local game and hobby store and sound like you know what you’re talking about. Trust me, once you know the lingo, you’ll be the coolest uncool kid in the shop.

Eurogames

Settlers of Catan Blog

As the name implies, these are games who have their origins in the German school of board game design. These tend to be impeccably balanced, non-confrontational games that value intellect, thoughtful strategy and planning ahead to win. Victory is often achieved through collecting points or achieving a series of objectives that are open and known to everyone at the start. Directly harming another player’s game is often frowned upon or directly prohibited. There is little to no luck in Eurogames and if you want to win, you have to out-think and out-strategize your opponents. If you fail at a Eurogame, the only person you have to blame is yourself.

You can generally tell a Eurogame because it’s the one where you all play as sheep farmers or silk merchants or castle architects. Simply put, the themes of most Eurogames seem deathly dull on first glance. The Settlers of Catan may be one of the most popular board games in the world, but watch your friends’ eyes glaze over as you tell them its a game about building roads while trying to collect enough sheep to build a city. However, these simple themes end up paying off in dividends once everyone knows the game. When things get good, you’re all playing a game of cutthroat wine-making and it’s hilarious.

Ameritrash

Arkham Horror Blog2

AKA, the games that look really cool that you’ll instantly gravitate toward the moment you take up this hobby. These games drip with theme and often operate on chaos. Forget about balance — Ameritrash is all about who has the biggest army of spaceships. Forget about things being fair — a single bad dice roll or an unlucky draw of a card will cripple your entire game and let your opponent’s army of trolls ravage your homeland. Ameritrash games are the board game equivalent of Hollywood blockbusters. They’re big, they’re loud, they’re flashy, they tend to have dozens (hundreds!) of pieces and they generate absolutely amazing stories.

Stories. That’s the appeal of the American school of board game design. Although the name was originally coined by snobby Eurogame gamers who turned their nose up this type of game, “Ameritrash” has stuck around as a badge of honor. Sure, things may not go your way. Sure, your pirate ship may get obliterated by storms and the British navy every time you try to move. Sure, your badass warrior may get his ass kicked because you rolled a three and needed a four. Sure, your paranormal investigator got devoured by a Shoggoth because your Luck stats weren’t high enough. But you know what? If you’re playing Ameritrash right (and are playing with the right people), the story of disaster and mayhem that you generate will be unforgettable.

War Games

Russian Campaign board game

Then we come to war games, which are a special breed all to themselves. Have you played Risk? Yes? Well, then you haven’t played a war game. Because Holy Shit, you’ll know if you’ve played a war game. If you’ve spent twelve hours in a sweltering basement trying to figure out how to establish a supply line on a paper map simulating the Boer Wars, then you’re a war gamer. If you’ve spent several weekends recreating Operation Market Garden, shoving tokens representing artillery and tanks across a highly detailed hex map, then you are a war gamer.

I am not a war gamer. At least not yet. Sorry.

Deck Builders

Nightfall Game Blog

Now we come to deck builders, a relative newcomer to the gaming world. These games consist almost entirely of cards (and occasionally a few tokens) and involve players attempting to build strong hands and decks from a central pile. Unlike other card games (we’ll get to that in a moment), deck builders are complete games straight out of the box, with everyone battling over the same cards and resources, trying to build something strong from what they’ve been dealt. The abstract nature of deck builders means that there will usually be one for every taste. Want to play a card game that simulates ruling a medieval kingdom? Dominon is your game. Want to build armies of vampires and battle your opponents to the death? Nightfall may be up your alley.

Living Card Games & Collectible Card Games

Magic Gathering Blog

Deck builders are not to be confused with collectible card games (CCGs) and living card games (LCGs), which offer their own nuances and will generally cost you a lot more money. CCGs are card games where players are expected to buy new cards on a regular basis, with older cards eventually being cut out of league play. Players can supplement their ever-evolving decks with booster packs, which give them seven random cards (which they may already have). As any Magic: The Gathering fan can tell you, staying active in a CCG is a hobby unto itself.

LCGs are similar, but a bit easier on your wallet. Created by Fantasy Flight Games, the LCG system is also a constantly-evolving card game, but you acquire new cards by purchasing monthly expansions whose contents are never a mystery. So it’s like a LCG but without the random chance. It’ll still cost you in the long run, but if you want to delve into a card game on budget, this may be your best option.

Role Playing Games

Fiasco

Finally, that brings us to role playing games…which are more commonly known as RPGs…which are more commonly known as those things fat social pariahs play in their mom’s basement. While this stereotype has a bad habit of actually being true, the world of RPGs has been experiencing a bit of a revolution itself in the past decade. In addition to old standbys like Dungeons and Dragons, the indie RPG movement has revitalized the genre in some truly exciting ways. Sure, you may not want to play a 6-month long D&D campaign, but could you say no to the one-and-done two hour Coen brothers movie simulator known as Fiasco? How about some competitive storytelling (alcohol is encouraged) with The Extraordinary Adventures of Baron Munchausen? If you’re a creative type without too much shame, the world of indie roleplaying is about as tantalizing as some kind of metaphor about a starving man on a desert island.

Whew. Okay. But were do you start?

If Eurogames sound like your thing, you can’t go wrong with The Settlers of Catan, a game that’s been transforming ordinary people into hardcore gamers for close to twenty years. There’s even a badass Star Trek version of the game just in case playing as a farmer/city planner sounds a little dull. I also can’t say enough nice things about Tammany Hall, a surprisingly vicious Euro that sees players competing to become mayor of New York City in the 1860s and Pandemic, a modern classic that sees players working together to save the planet from a deadly plague.

If Ameritrash is your thing, you may want to consider jumping into gaming headfirst with the mother of all modern Ameritrash: the HP Lovecraft simulator/mental torture device known as Arkham Horror. It’s a beast to learn, but it’s cooperative, so at least you’ll all suffer together. For an equally cinematic but less mind-melting experience, Last Night on Earth is a terrific zombie game that sees one player controlling an undead horde and others attempting to survive.

If deck builders sound appealing, Dominion is probably your best start, but the superhero-themed Sentinels of the Multiverse is pretty slick. If you want to dive into the CCG hole, Magic may be your best option, but I’d recommend giving the Netrunner LCG a start since it’s cheaper and a significantly better game.

RPGs? Fiasco. It’s very hard to go wrong with Fiasco.

And this is the point where I close things out by saying that all of the categories I’ve talked about above have a habit of either overlapping with others or dissolving altogether. For example, the tremendous City of Remnants takes area-control gameplay (which is very Eurogame), puts in in a conflict driven sci-fi scenario (total Ameritrash) and uses deck building a deck building mechanic to resolve combat. And then there are the games of designer Vlaada Chvatil, a mad genius whose amazing, hilarious games defy all labels (he’ll get a column of his own soon enough).

If you’re new to the hobby, welcome! If you’re a veteran, I promise that later columns will get into the nitty gritty a little bit more. But most importantly: what have you been playing? Share your recommendations, stories and horror stories below. I can’t wait to hear them.

 

Twilight Imperium Blog

NEXT TIME ON CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: What happens when eight people settle in for the ten hour space opera that is Twilight Imperium? You will see.

Inside The Locker: Bash Brothers

On this week’s edition, one particular sport takes center ice. With the help of our very special guest, Neil Miller (Publisher of Film School Rejects), we face-off over our favorite hockey movies, the appeal of the game, and whether or not drinking melted ice from The United Center will give you hockeytitis. As per usual, we also cover the biggest and most bonkers sports headlines and give you our pick as to which athlete might be a cyborg.

Skate yourself into another terrific episode of Inside the Locker! And definitely check out Film School Rejects for some truly ingenious film reviews and articles.

Show Breakdown:

Scores and Stories (3:48)

Alex Rodriguez Trouble

Topics Discussed: Major changes to the NFL Pro Bowl, Jolly Rancher sidelines Cowboys safety, Houston’s Terrence Jones is a giant dickbag, MLB hands down the list of players to be suspended in Biogenesis scandal, PGA legend Gary Player hatin’ on McIlroy’s game, Chicago Blackhawks selling rather unusual souvenirs.

 

He Might Be a Cyborg (45:56): Florida State TE Nick O’Leary

The man walks away from a horrific motorcycle accident with no serious injuries? Test that guy for performance-enhancing cybernetics!

 

Main Topic: Hockey (49:28)

Chicago Blackhawks

Neil Miller breaks down his midwest hockey upbringing, we discuss the gladiatorial aspects of the game, delve into the most thrilling aspects of this year’s Stanley Cup Finals, and then ice poetic on our favorite hockey movies.

 

For reference, here are the movies we discussed. Feel like purchasing any of them? Please do so via our links to help support the site. We really appreciate it.

 

Mystery Alaska  Goon  D2 Mighty Ducks DVD

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Slap Shot DVD  Miracle Blu-ray    The Rocket DVD

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Cutting Edge Blu-ray

 

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OneOfUs.SHOW Is On The Air!

Introducing OneOfUs.Net’s interview series OneOfUs.SHOW. We’ll be covering a wide range of niche interests; sampling a plethora of geek universes with the help of some excellent guests. They may not be the “leading experts” in these fields, but more importantly they are some of the most passionate about their facets of geekdom.

From Magic the Gathering to model-building, larping to b-movies, it’s amazing how many different things people can geek out over. We’ll investigate all these worlds and introduce you to a gaggle of folks who are definitely One Of Us.

For our inaugural episode, we chat with film producer Paul Gandersman (Arcanum Pictures) about collecting vinyl. Paul brings along some of his favorite albums and does some premium hi-fi nerding out.

Give it a spin!

 

Oh, but wait, you can also view the show on YouTube!

 

The Original Gentlemen: Episode The Third

The Gentlemen get in-depth on SDCC…at least in terms of all the craziness that went on. Who needs panels? For this discussion we bring in a very dear friend from the past (The Reel Deal), Michele Williams, and star of “Infinite Variations” right here on OneOfUs, Ashley Moreno, to fill in the gaps as to what Martin and Chris missed because they were likely too busy drinking.

But of course, that’s not all: we get into the show Orange is the New Black, answer lots of fan questions, give Martin a chance to pick the song of the week, and more…much more…

 

Vibrator Song of the Week                    Vibrator Whole Album

Digital Noise: Episode 4

Like it or else, the Blu Crew is back! This week, they cover Danny Boyle hypnosis, exploding hobos, and savage shipwrecked children. They also answer more of your questions and offer a disgustingly awesome giveawaaaaaay!!!

Hey, it’s Tuesday, so it’s gotta be…Digital Noise!

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Trance Blu-ray Review  Ginger and Rosa DVD Review  Erased Blu-ray Review

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Detention Dead DVD Review  Vanishing Waves DVD Review  Lord Flies Blu-ray Review

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MST3K DVD Review  Starbuck DVD Review  Heavy Traffic Blu-ray Review

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Bus Stop Blu-ray Review  Pieta Blu-ray Review  Niagara Blu-ray Review

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Dr Who DVD Review  Hell on Wheels DVD Review  The Silence Blu-ray Review

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Street Trash Blu-ray Review

 

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Inside the Locker Episode 4: Movieball

This week, on America’s favorite nerdy sportscast (don’t look that up), we’re talking baseball. With all the negative headlines of late, it seemed a good time to sit down and discuss the baseball movies that kept us, as one film put it, romantic about the game. We also delve into the headlines, anticipate the movie version of the biggest current scandal in baseball, and deliver some useful information about cheetahs…info that the two NFL players clearly ignored.

Show Breakdown:

Scores and Stories (2:28)

Photo Credit: CBS Sports
Photo Credit: CBS Sports

Topics Discussed: Ryan Braun’s suspension, A-Rod’s apparent feud with his own team, Titans rookie rescues family from burning car, Chris Johnson & Devin Hester footrace a cheetah(?!), Charlie Weis’ crappy sentiment, the return of the Charlotte Hornets, Daniel Bryan’s excellent matches on Monday Night Raw.

Sport Movie News (39:35)

Apollo Thumbs

Yes, it’s not often that the week’s movie news pertains to sports and sports cinema, but this was a bountiful exception. We talk about the proposed Rocky spinoff centering on the grandson of Apollo Creed as well as why the f*** Stallone cast female UFC champion Ronda Rousey in Expendables 3 instead of, say, Gina Carano or Michelle Yeoh.

First Draft (46:56)

Confused Braun

We anticipate the big screen version of the tumultuous tale of Ryan Braun. We cast the nefarious double-talking lead, choose a director, and give it a title. We then encourage our listeners to co-opt a popular internet meme.

Main Topic: Our Favorite Baseball Films (54:19)

Sandlot Cast

We go around the horn discussing the movies that keep us optimistic toward the game of baseball. These films define for us not only the sport, but also what baseball meant to our most formative years. Then Brian inexplicably dotes upon Rookie of the Year. Did we miss your favorite title in our chat? Tell us about it in the comment section below!

 

For reference, here are the movies we discussed. Feel like purchasing any of them? Please do so via our links to help support the site. We really appreciate it.

The Natural Blu-ray  Bull Durham Blu-ray  Rookie of the Year DVD

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Field of Dreams Blu-ray  Moneyball Blu-ray  A League of Their Own Blu-ray

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The Sandlot Blu-ray  Eight Men Out DVD  61 Blu-ray

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Ken Burns Baseball DVD  Major League Blu-ray