Blog - Page 557 of 633 -

For some time now, most of our media has been obsessed with the anti-hero. Many consumers are no longer content with straight-laced paragons of morality and instead want at least a touch of malice in their protagonists, a demand that creators are more than happy to meet. Our television shows, films, books, comics and video games all feature protagonists who are less than heroic. Many can be classified as straight-up villains and we love them all the more for it.

This preference for the less righteous characters has led some media outlets to give us the story directly from the anti-heroes’ and villains’ point of view. I heartily applaud this approach and I’d like to see more of it across genres and mediums. With the recent release and box office success of Disney’s Maleficent, a spin-off of Sleeping Beauty that shows how the legendary sorceress became the evil fairy we all know and love, it felt appropriate to look at some of the greatest small and big screen villains who would have interesting tales to tell if we saw things from their eyes.

—

Gustavo Fring

One of the most popular villains to ever grace television, Giancarlo Esposito’s Gustavo Fring of Breaking Bad taught viewers that you didn’t have to say much to be completely terrifying. Appearing to have an amicable and mild mannered personality, Fring was as cold-hearted as they come. He presented himself as a philanthropist who owned a chain of chicken restaurants, but in reality, he was a ruthless drug kingpin who excelled at conquering the meth trade in the United States. He’s pretty handy with a box cutter too.

A spin-off series focusing on Fring’s rise to power would be fascinating. There have been only hints as to what happened in Fring’s past. His history with the Mexican drug cartels, his exile from Chile and his connections to the Chilean dictatorship of Augusto Pinochet are ripe for exploration. Plus, viewers would have a chance to see the true nature of Gus’ relationship with his dearly departed friend Max, whose death at the hands of Hector Salamanca ignited a decades-long campaign for revenge.

Alice Morgan

Alice Moragn — *“Some little girls grow up wanting ponies; I always wanted to be a widow.”*

Idris Elba gets a lot of attention for Luther, and deservedly so. However, Ruth Wilson’s genius-psychotic Alice Morgan provides the show with a unique take on the classic femme fatale and is also worthy of praise. Morgan, responsible for the brutal death of her parents, was the first case that John Luther tackled in the BBC series. Morgan is a nihilist and frequently professes that nothing in life ultimately matters. According to her, love, death and sex are pleasures that one should partake in for enjoyment, but in the end they mean little. She provides a great foil to Luther’s own beliefs and often inserts herself into his life at unexpected times. Occasional stalking and manipulation are fun pastimes for her.

An Alice Morgan spin-off has already been rumored by Luther creator Neil Cross. If the show was to the go into production, it would be a mini-series focusing on Morgan’s time spent in America. I’m certain Alice’s sojourn to the States is full of compelling stories and perhaps a corpse or two.

Jim Moriarty

Calling himself a “criminal consultant,” James “Jim” Moriarty is Stephen Moffat’s modern day take on the classic arch-enemy of Sherlock Holmes. Featured prominently in Moffat’s BBC series, Sherlock, Moriarty is every bit the opposite of Holmes. While Benedict Cumberbatch plays Holmes as an eccentric with a dry-wit, British actor Andrew Scott plays Moriarty like a cross between The Joker and Lex Luthor. He’s completely unpredictable and absolutely hysterical. He’s a psychopath with a sense of humor and often uses it to the annoyance of those around him. Still, as funny as it is to hear him say he wants to turn some poor schmuck into shoes, that doesn’t make him any less dangerous.

A BBC series focusing on Moriarty’s “criminal consulting” business and heists could be fun. Yes, he’s a psychopath who frequently enjoys stealing and killing people, but I’m sure he could share the humor that he finds in it with us.

Keyser Söze

the usual suspects — *“Who is Keyser Söze?”*

It’s rumored that that the legendary criminal, Keyser Söze, was a Turkish drug lord who murdered his entire family, rather than surrender his entire criminal empire to business rivals. Instead of backing down, the ruthless Söze killed his enemies, the friends of his enemies and even the people that owed them money. He was a ghost story that criminals would tell their kids at night. He was myth, a man with no single identity and the Devil himself. At least that’s what they say in the Academy-Award winning film, The Usual Suspects. Featuring an impeccable cast of actors, The Usual Suspects kept audiences guessing as to who was the mysterious criminal.

A spin-off film or a television series that explores the mysteries of Söze’s past could be one interesting ride. Hell, a series that follows him decades later as an aging criminal mastermind attempting to hold on to his power in an ever changing world could be even better.

Loki

Marvel has always struggled when adapting its villains to the silver screen, but their biggest success yet has been Tom Hiddelston’s Loki. Already featured in three Marvel films, Loki has generated a fan following that eclipses that of his golden haired brother, Thor. Easily the most interesting character in the Thor series, Loki’s constant manipulations and monologues have been able to hold an audience’s attention just as well as any action scene. He was the best thing about Thor: The Dark World and his presence was always missed when he wasn’t in front of the camera.

A Loki film has not been announced by Marvel Studios at this time, but the possibility of a spin-off film isn’t out of the question. Loki is one of Marvel’s most popular cinematic characters. Seeing him going off on his own solo adventure could not only bring continued interest to Marvel’s cinematic universe, but also open up possibilities for future films about villains. Winter Soldier anyone?

Hans and Simon Gruber

Yes, the most recent Die Hard films have been absolute garbage. There’s really no way anyone can deny it at this point. Despite people’s general disgust towards the most recent entries to the series, Die Hard and Die Hard With a Vengeance are still some of the best action films ever made. A good action film always needs a suitably slimy villain. Thankfully, both films have just that. Alan Rickman’s Hans Gruber and Jeremy Irons’ Simon Gruber are the best villains in the Die Hard franchise. Both of the Grubers posed as East-German terrorists in the films, while in reality they were professional thieves.

A spin-off film about the Grubers’ past heists together would not only give audiences a better look at the events that eventually led them to crossing paths with John McClane, but also provide a look into their relationship as brothers. As Simon comments in Die Hard With a Vengeance, he didn’t like his brother Hans, but still sought vengeance against McClane for his death. Watching these two interact with one another in a prequel movie could at least provide some context for Simon’s final thoughts on Hans. It would certainly be better than that Russian guy who tap dances and eats carrots in A Good Day to Die Hard. The Grubers would be so ashamed.

—

What about you readers? Are there any villains who you feel should get their own films or shows? Let us know in the comments below!

Welcome to the Pre-Weekend Recap for the week of May 30, 2014! Did school or work prevent you from sitting around listening to podcasts and reading geeky articles all day? Never fear, the Pre-Weekend Recap is here to help!

Below you’ll find a brief highlight reel of some of the cool stories and features the One of Us crew presented this week. All you have to do is click on the images and you’re set. Of course, while these features are a fine starting point, I encourage you to spend your entire weekend checking out everything we have to offer. Is beautiful summer weather really better than sitting in front of a computer for days on end? I think not!

—

The Original Gentlemen: Cancelled Too Soon

In what is certainly the worst-titled episode of The Original Gentlemen, the show does not, in fact, get cancelled. Heart attack inducing, much? No, no, this time the OG are lamenting television programs that came to an end before their time. The topic is especially relevant since so many good shows got the axe this year. Lament the loss of Community, Almost Human, and other fan favorites with the gang, and listen to a great Isaac Hayes tune while you’re at it. It’s another solid edition of the OG.

World of UScast: Wayward Podcast Episode 2 – Let It Go, Lady

The third edition of the World of UScast podcast, the show where we feature a podcast from an international partner, went live this week. This time, the Wayward Podcast returned with its sophomore entry. Toshi and Sarah were certainly on a Supernatural kick on this episode, as they talk about the latest episodes for an extended period of time. Addtionally, our two hosts contend with an overzealous karaoke singer who belts out a hit while they’re recording. Good times.

If you live outside the United States and you have or would like to create a quality podcast for the World of Us show family, please get in touch with us at oneofusnet@gmail.com. Your podcast could be on the next episode!

Ash & Fern: Everyone’s A Travel Expert

Perhaps you heard that Ash and Fern are going to the World Cup this year. As tempting as it may be, try to hold back from giving them any unsolicited travel advice because they’ve heard it all and they are sick of it. In this entry to their blog, Fern recounts some of the less than stellar guidance she’s received when people found out she was going to Brazil for the games. Check it out, not because anything in there is helpful, but because most of it is ludicrous.

An Emphatic Endorsement of Attack On Titan

As you’ve probably heard, the big new name in anime is Attack On Titan. The television-friendly adaptation of Japanese writer and artist Hajime Isayama’s manga series Shingeki no Kyojin is a smashing success even among those who do not consider themselves hardcore anime fans. Perhaps you haven’t given the series a shot yet, or maybe you’re like me and you’re only a few episodes in and haven’t gone back to finish the rest yet. Whether you’re marginally familiar or a total neophyte, the INTERN-Net’s Chris Herman is here to make the case for this popular show. Give his article a look and be sure to let him know what you think of Attack On Titan if you decide to give it a chance.

Highly Suspect Reviews!

We’ve got two new movie reviews this week, courtesy of One of Us’ review crew, The Unusual Suspects! First, Angelina Jolie plays one of fantasy’s most infamous sorceresses and tells her side of the Sleeping Beauty fairy tale in Maleficent. Next, Seth MacFarlane stars as the biggest wimp in the West in his own take on the western comedy, A Million Ways To Die In The West. Which, if either, of these selections is worth your time and money this weekend? A vexing question, but fear not, the Unusual Suspects have all the answers.

—

If you like what you’ve seen here, please be sure to share our stuff with others who might enjoy it. In addition, please consider becoming one of our proud subscribers! There are plenty of benefits for those who are generous enough to contribute to the site each month, so don’t miss out on your chance to earn some exclusive rewards! Have a great weekend!

Here we go again folks, it’s another installment of Big Finishing Move! For those unaware, this is where I get to take a look at the Doctor Who audio offerings of Big Finish Productions and give you my honest opinion on them. Today we once again are right by the Fourth Doctor’s side in The Last Colophon.

TARDIS Team: Fourth Doctor and Leela

The fourth incarnation of our favorite Time Lord once again seeks to get away from it all. To that end, instead of hitting up some famous vacation spot where evil or whatever can find him, he decides to do a little camping on a dead planet, figuring nobody will find him there.

A Time Lord can dream, can’t he?

The Doctor and Leela soon themselves captured by a freshly landed survey team. Not long after that, the group comes across a signal emanating from a large dome. Inside, the last living being of this planet is being held captive by a robot nurse. He is the last of the Colophon, and his secrets are very deadly indeed.

This whole episode is the poster child for wasted potential. So many great ideas are brought down by mediocre execution. I was really excited for this one, which makes the letdown all the more bitter. How is it that a story featuring an (mild spoiler) invisible man , a sadistic nurse robot, people from a weirdo capitalist society, one of my favorite Doctor-companion pairs, and a freaking genocide leaves me underwhelmed?! By not allowing any time for any of these elements to develop past the surface, that’s how. Cool ideas without any framework behind them do not an interesting story make.

The writing is just baffling at points. One head-scratcher in particular is why they had the Doctor go out of his way to notice the bad guy seemed not to be listening to him as they escaped the complex, only piecing things together once they had made it back to the TARDIS. The Doctor is one of the smartest and most savvy beings in the entire universe, a fact that is severely undercut when the audience is light years ahead of him in figuring things out. I can think of plenty of ways where they could have hit the necessary beats they needed without making making the Doctor look bad but for some reason they chose the one that makes him look more than a little incompetent.

Tom Baker and Louise Jameson are on their game despite not having much to work with in the script. The rest of the cast does what they can with the material with varying amounts of success. One disappointment was Gareth Thomas as Morax. He was trying so hard to reach that cheesy overly dramatic delivery so often seen during the Fourth Doctor’s era but he just couldn’t sell it. I’m sure he gave it his best, but it didn’t work for me.

Nothing here is offensively bad, but then nothing overly good about it either. In the end it’s just kind of “blah.” Easily the weakest entry so far in this series of the Fourth Doctor Adventures. Unless you are a completionist, I say skip this one and save your money for next month’s installment.

Purchase: Doctor Who: The Last Colophon Here:

Big Finish aren’t the only people who do audio dramas, we here at One Of Us happens to have our own show by the name of Infinite Variations! Do yourself a favor and check it out!

For next time, we’re going to see the Doctor get into a mess of biblical proportions with:

Check out my previous reviews:

Phantasmagoria

The Fearmonger

The Light At The End

The Spectre of Lanyon Moor

Storm Warning

Blood of the Daleks

The Chimes of Midnight

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

This week’s Inside the Locker spins the wheel of outrageous fortune, and tries to sell all the vowels. It’s impossible for that to sound like anything but an embolism unless you actually give it a listen. In addition to sports stories, we bring back the awards segment, give you more details on our live World Cup event, and teach you a trick to remembering the spelling of Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski…is that right? I looked it up and it still looks wrong.

Enjoy!

Scores and Stories (3:10)

Topics Discussed: Cat recruits Rice QB, 50 Cent pitches like a wanksta, T.I. slaps Floyd Mayweather, Rugby players slap each other, and Robert Mathis gets slapped with four-game suspension for trying to be a baby daddy.

Game of Cups Live Broadcast! (34:32)

June 12-16th, Inside the Locker will be joining forces with International Players Anthem for a weekend-long broadcast of the World Cup opening weekend live from The Mohawk here in Austin. There will be lively discussion, stupid jokes, drunk patrons, giveaways, and more! Tune in or fly in, either way should yield favorable results.

Awards (36:29)

After a long hiatus, the fabled awards segment of ITL has returned! True, no football is being played at the moment. So we opened up the nominee pool to athletes from across a wider sports spectrum. This week we hand out the familiar Frittata of the Week and Pwn Zone, but we also create brand new awards that aren’t at all just for this week’s recipients and will totally get used again. That last part may be a lie. We also troll the University of Oklahoma NCAA compliance Twitter account.

Update! OU’s Compliance Department Responded To Our Query:

NBA Draft/Playoff Chat (62:10)

Delving into the eastern and western conference championships as well as the NBA draft lottery from last week. What is the strange, legendary conspiracy of the frozen envelope and how might it be helping/hurting the Cleveland Cavs today? Oh, sorry, I have no idea. That’s why I was asking you.

Make sure to follow us on Twitter, being the only person not doing so would be as embarrassing as 50 Cent’s first pitch.

The Show Account–@ITLCast
Brian–@BriguySalisbury
J.C.–@jcdeleon1
Elliott–@ITLElliott
Adam–@the_beef

All my life, I’ve been told that video games are incapable of having well written stories and characters. This isn’t just from literary critics; these types of arrogant comments have been made by fellow geeks at one time or another. It shows a deep divide that exists within geek culture. Many of these people have never played Mass Effect, Red Dead Redemption or The Last of Us. Many of them never will, to their own detriment. Still, it’s important to point out that video games have continued to grow and mature over the years. One such company that has emphasized the importance of story and characters is Telltale Games, a company that has earned its place as one of the best storytellers in the business.

Originally founded in 2004, Telltale Games is an American video game company known for its episodic gaming titles of licensed properties. Most of their games are released bi-monthly as episodes over the course of a year. Some of their most notable titles include Sam & Max, The Walking Dead and The Wolf Among Us.

Even after their initial success with their take on Sam & Max, a humorous game series that focused on an anthropomorphic dog and rabbit, the company struggled to maintain its relevance for a number of years. Episodic gaming was at an all-time low in the 2000s and their games based on Jurassic Park and Back to the Future were met with poor reviews. It wasn’t until 2012 that Telltale proved its capabilities as a developer with the release of The Walking Dead, a game based on the Robert Kirkman graphic novel series of the same name. With that title came a wave of success that not only brought the company back from obscurity, but reinvigorated interest in episodic gaming.

As noted by many critics, Telltale’s greatest achievement right now is its ability to avoid one of the biggest problems that plague multiple entertainment mediums by circumventing stereotypes and clichés when creating a character. Looking at their most recent games, you can tell that Telltale wants to offer gamers an experience through the eyes of a protagonist with a complicated personality. This is best observed when looking at the Lee Everett in The Walking Dead and Bigby Wolf in The Wolf Among Us.

While playing as Lee in The Walking Dead, I made choices that I thought matched the character’s personality. Yes, Lee starts the game as a convicted criminal, a murderer involved in a crime of passion. He’s not a heartless killer though. He carries a tremendous amount of guilt and goes through the game knowing that one’s actions can have irreversible consequences. In the end, Lee is a good man who might do horrible things to protect the people he cares about. This is repeatedly demonstrated when helping Clementine, the little girl who originally comes to his aid in the beginning of the first episode. The father-daughter relationship between these two is the centerpiece of Telltale’s zombie epic. Playing as Lee, you become invested in these two characters and you will do anything to protect that eight-year-old girl.

Bigby Wolf is another person haunted by his past actions. Based on Bill Willingham’s Fables, The Wolf Among Us takes place in 1980s New York City. In this game, fairytale creatures have abandoned their stories after an apocalyptic event destroyed their homes. In “Fabletown,” these fairytale characters are forced to live in rundown tenements, while struggling to provide for themselves and their families. Bigby, originally The Big Bad Wolf, now operates as the town’s sheriff.

Forced in a position he did not think he was qualified to have in the first place, Bigby struggles to help the people of Fabletown while trying to prove his past as a villain doesn’t represent who he is today. Bigby is probably an even more complicated protagonist than Lee. While gamers are told about Lee’s past in small doses, everyone is very much aware of The Big Bad Wolf’s history. That’s what makes Bigby and his interactions with other characters so interesting. Being a former bad guy allows players to play Bigby two different ways. Should Bigby try to show everyone that he genuinely cares for them, or should he prove that he hasn’t changed at all since his days of eating grandmas? Those decisions are up to the player.

Outside of Telltale’s work on The Walking Dead and Fables, the company is moving forward on two other projects based on popular properties. One such property is based on game developer Gearbox’s comedic/science-fiction shooter series, Borderlands. For those who are not aware, Borderlands focuses on Pandora, a dangerous alien world rich with resources and outlaws. Taking place after the events of Borderlands 2, Tales of the Borderlands features two lead protagonists who offer two contrasting sides of a story. Players will be introduced to con-artist Fiona and Hyperion worker Rhys. Throughout the game, it will be up to the player to decide which character is telling the truth and which one is lying. To match the original series’ writing style, Telltale’s Borderlands will harken back to the company’s comedic roots and place great emphasis on humor.

While no details have been revealed, it was also announced that Telltale will be developing a Game of Thrones game a few months ago. Thinking about making decisions that could spell the deaths of characters and their entire families could lead to some heart-wrenching choices in the world of Westeros.

Telltale is bringing about a renaissance in episodic gaming. Already deep into the second season of The Walking Dead and with only one episode left for The Wolf Among Us, the company is giving gamers an interactive experience like no other. This company has found a way to tell video game stories that aren’t focused on the next action set-piece, but the world and the characters that inhabit it.

What about you? Have you played any of Telltale’s past games? Are there other established properties that could benefit from the Telltale treatment? Let us know in the comments below!

The Internet wouldn’t stop talking about it. My friends wouldn’t stop talking about it. Now, I can’t stop talking about it. It’s Attack on Titan. Yes, the show where everyone fights giant rampaging giants and die excruciatingly painful deaths. Attack on Titan, like Cowboy Bebop and Samurai Champloo before it, asserts itself as one of the greatest animes ever made. I know, that’s pretty bold statement to make, but after watching all 25-episodes of the first season, I feel justified making that statement.

Attack on Titan, also known as Shingeki no Kyojin, started as a manga by Japanese writer and artist Hajime Isayama. The series quickly became a monstrous success when it first debuted in 2011, and has since sold 36 million volumes worldwide. With the enormous popularity of the manga, an anime adaptation was inevitable. Premiering to widespread acclaim in April 2013, the series quickly gathered a substantial American following. However, I’m getting ahead of myself. What is Attack on Titan about?

Attack on Titan tells the story of 15-year-old Eren Yager, who lives in a post-apocalyptic 19th-century European society where the last of humanity lives in decadent cities built behind three massive stone walls. These walls were constructed to escape the Titans, humanoid man-eating giants. Yager, Mikasa Ackerman, Yager’s adopted sister, and their best friend, Armin Artlet, join the military after an invasion of Titans destroy their homes and the outer most wall. The series follows these characters as they try to regain the outer wall and attempt to discover the mysterious origins of the Titans. Death, destruction and tragedy ensue.

The whole death and destruction thing might be a big reason for the show’s resounding success in Japan and the United States. If you need to make a comparison, Attack on Titan is very much the Game of Thrones of anime. You will grow to love these characters and find yourself emoting when they’re horribly maimed, or even worse, eaten. Attack on Titan doesn’t pull any punches. It has no problem killing off scores of characters just to show you how dangerous and cruel this world is. You’ll catch on awfully quick when watching such cherry episodes as “Wound” and “A Dim Light Amid Despair.” Fun times.

The show’s animation is best served through its creative and elaborate action scenes. Titan chases on horseback and the frequent destruction of buildings are great to look at, but the action is most effective when characters are using “3D Maneuvering Gear.” A weird name, I know, but this steampunk device gives users the ability to zip across buildings and streets like Spider-Man. No battle in this series is the same. Every engagement is unique and extremely dangerous. Even when not fighting against a Titan, improper use of the Maneuvering Gear could be deadly. A cadet might decapitate himself, or smash into the side of building if he or she is not careful. Still, every engagement means either life-or-death. No one ever comes out unscathed when fighting multiple rampaging Titans.

The Titans themselves are terrifying to behold. These giants aren’t the kind you see in fairytales like “Jack and the Bean Stalk.” For one thing, they’re completely naked and exhibit no sexual organs. All of them vary in height and some possess unique physical abilities that range from elongated jaws to multiple rows of teeth. Even stranger, they exhibit a wide range of behaviors that can change at a moment’s notice. While slow and docile at a distance, the mere appearance of a single human can send dozens of Titans into a bloodthirsty frenzy. Even more disturbing is the fact that they actually don’t require food to even live. They seem to only eat humans when they see them. This is one of the many mysteries the show explores.

Fun fact: While creating the Titans, Isayama influence was Spanish artist Francisco Goya’s paintings of mythological giants. Goya’s paintings and drawings not only influenced the design of the Titans, but also the animation of the series as well.

If you’re not convinced about Attack on Titan, I would implore you to at least listen to show’s opening theme, “Guren Ni Yumiya.” You’ll want to listen to it more than once. Better yet, just watch the show’s opening credits. Not only to you get the song, but you see some of Attack on Titan’s impressive animation. Outside of the opening theme, the show sports a pretty memorable soundtrack. You’ll believe you can do anything after listening to it. Well, almost anything. Your excitement might taper off a bit when you remember that one song that played when everyone was being eaten alive. Still good though.

Though the material is often very violent and tragic, the series’ popularity is growing every day. You’ll find fan videos, memes, fan art and people cosplaying as their favorite characters at conventions. With a live-action adaptation on the way, and a second season set to premiere sometime in 2015, Attack on Titan looks as if it won’t slow down for a while.

What do you think readers? Will you give Attack on Titan a shot? What’s your favorite anime? Let us know in the comments below!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Seth MacFarlane moves from behind the camera and doing voice work, to being the star of his own film. Here he plays a lonesome dude in the old west that wants nothing more than to not be living in the old west (anachronistically, of course). Spurned by his former gal (Amanda Seyfried) for his lily-livered ways, he has nothing to do but to complain to his only friends in town (Giovanni Ribisi and Sarah Silverman)…until Charlize Theron shows up and teaches him how to be a man. If she’s the teacher, we’d like to know how to sign up for that course…

Chris, JC and Beau take a look at Seth’s attempt to make his own Blazing Saddles and we’ll let you know whether it’s a eureka strike or a pile of horse droppings.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Following the recent trend in fiction of humanizing the monster, Disney has begun applying this formula to their own licensed properties, beginning with Sleeping Beauty. In this live action re-telling of the fairy tale, the evil witch Maleficent, played here by the sharp cheek-boned Angelina Jolie, is the protagonist; misunderstood, abused, and full of understandable venom against her abuser (Sharlto Copley). She’s SO mad, that in a fit of pique, she curses his daughter, yada yada yada. Only in this version, later she feels just terrible about it. What we’ve got here is a fairy tale for little girls where the female characters are front and center. But where does that leave our team of intrepid Unusual Suspects?

Chris, Brian, Beau and JC find themselves falling on different sides in this review of Maleficent. Let their bickering cast a magical spell over you…

What is it about an upcoming trip that brings everyone out of the woodwork with their awesome travel advice? I’m told the same thing happens when you’re planning a wedding or expecting a baby, but who has time for that stuff when there’s a World Cup around the corner?!

In case any of you are also planning a trip to Brazil in the next few weeks, here are my 10 favorite pieces of (largely unsolicited) World Cup advice. Some came from friends/coworkers and some came from more official sources, but I assure you it’s unfortunately all true.

1) “You’re going to Brazil in June? Isn’t it going to be super hot?” Umm, probably? I don’t know. I’ve mentioned before that I’m terrible at time zones, so you can probably imagine how useless I am at hemispheres. However I do have access to Wikipedia and have a weather app on my phone. Also, newsflash, it’s hot in Indiana in June too.

2) “If you’re being mugged, don’t scream.” This little gem actually came from Brazilian officials. Apparently you’re less likely to get murdered if you don’t draw attention to the fact that you’re being robbed. Now, having never been mugged, I don’t exactly know what my reaction would be. But I can pretty much assure you I won’t have any control over it. So no promises.

3) “Make sure to bring condoms purchased in the US.” I will say, the girl in the picture that accompanied this particular story did look VERY regretful. So I’ll call this one good advice.

4) “You should just skip it, the US is going to lose.” First, yes we have a terrible draw, but we’re better than people seem to think and I have faith. Second, if I avoided all sporting events my team didn’t have a chance to win, well let’s just say I would have had a lot more free Saturday afternoons in college. (Go Boilers!) Finally, 31 teams are going to “lose” so did you call all of their fans too?

5) “Don’t drink the water!” Ah the old classic. Don’t worry, I’m told they have beer in Brazil. Good to go.

6) “Don’t tell anyone you’re an American.” I think maybe the American flag I’ll be wearing as a cape might give me away. Though the jersey I’ll be wearing does look a whole lot like the French flag, so maybe that will confuse them?

*To be fair on this one I usually don’t volunteer this information when travelling, but this is a little bit different. It’s hard to hide your nationality when the words to one of the songs you’ll be singing are literally “U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!”

7) “Don’t use credit cards.” “Don’t use ATMs.” “Don’t carry cash.” Yep I’ve heard all three. I don’t know a ton about the Brazilian economy, but I assume I’m going to have to pay for things. So if anyone has any other ideas I’m open to suggestions.

8) “Make sure you get enough sleep!” Hahahahaha.

9) “Make sure you see the big Jesus!” Well I would love to see Christ the Redeemer. The problem is it’s in Rio. The US plays its group stage games in northern Brazil. Brazil is MASSIVE. I’m not going to deal with the nightmare that is domestic travel in Brazil to see a statue, even a really cool one.

grande_carte_bresil_ville_fleuves_echelle_relief_pays_voisins — *Consult one of these before doling out sightseeing advice.*

10) This one is my personal favorite. “Make sure you learn Spanish. They’ll like you more if you speak their language.” I would love to learn Spanish, I’m just not sure how helpful it would be on this particular trip since they speak Portuguese in Brazil. Also, this advice came 3 days ago. Considering I’ve been trying to learn French for 15 years and can barely order dinner, I’d say the ship has sailed on learning a language by mid June.

Now if anyone out there has been to a World Cup, or to Natal in northern Brazil, I really would appreciate any helpful advice you have. And don’t worry, we already have a map to the World’s Largest Cashew Tree, so we’re all set on that.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Podcast (weekly-video-review-podcast): Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Two reviewers, one sentence. Locked up in a livingroom gulag and forced to watch all Blu-ray and DVD releases for the good of the public. Sure, sometimes there are perks. Sometimes their house arrest creates the adequate time to enjoy Orange is the New Black Season 1 and Lone Survivor starring Marky Mark(sman).

But there is a dark side to this media-consuming incarceration. Sometimes they serve hard time cleaning the floors of Vampire Academy or breaking rocks along the slopes of Pompeii. It’s also a good thing they have so much time to kill so they can waste it watching Three Days to Kill.

Still, prison hasn’t hardened these cons. Despite this week’s gauntlet of unfortunates, they still offer giveaway copies of the thoroughly entertaining Grand Piano.

Learn from Chris and Brian’s mistakes, may their viewing habits scare you straight.