This ain’t no fairy tale! Well, actually it’s several fairy tales mashed into one story. Stephen Sondheim’s wildly popular musical is brought to the big screen and The Unusual Suspects are donning their red riding hoods and heading Into The Woods!
Brian, Chris, Ashley, Beau, and J.C. break down all the things they found charming about this adaptation as well as any of its big bad flaws. They don’t exactly break into song during the review, but the jokes flow like verses and often have several reprises.
Click the review you have to do, you haven’t already, what’s wrong with you?
Click the review and don’t delay, begin this filthy journey!
As everyone already knows, The Interview, the $44 million comedy about the assassination of Kim Jon-un that stars Seth Rogen and James Franco, has been dropped by Sony and will not be coming to theatres this Christmas or anywhere else in the near future.
Multiple theatre chains made the decision not to show The Interview after the “Guardians of Peace,” the organization claiming to have hacked Sony, threatened to invoke “9/11 style violence” against theatres that showed The Interview. Now, according to the Department of Homeland Security, the threat was not credible, and an incident of massive violence occurring as suggested by the Guardians of Peace did not seem possible. Whether a threat of that magnitude held any legitimacy is moot since Sony has seemed to have given the hackers (and North Korea) everything that they’ve asked for.
The problem at this point is not only the fact that Sony has decided to shelve The Interview indefinitely with no release plans of any kind, but that the studio has given these hackers legitimacy by caving to their demands. By caving, Sony is setting a precedent within cinema that could possibly hinder free speech and expression.
For those who believe there’s no chance of a studio taking similar actions of canceling a film that actively criticizes a political figure or dictator need not look any further. After Sony’s cancellation of The Interview, theatres like the Alamo Drafthouse were planning screenings of South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s Team America: World Police in place of the comedy. However, much like Sony, Paramount has effectively forbid all showings of Team America: World Police at many theatres, including the Alamo Drafthouse.
In case anyone is unfamiliar with the comedy, Team America: World Police follows a crack team of the most patriotic marionettes on the planet as they battle numerous evil forces that include North Korea and their diminutive leader, Kim Jong-il. The film’s presentation of Jong-il is hardly flattering and it actively mocked and even killed the former North Korean dictator with absolute glee. The movie was made in 2004, and while it was controversial for all the right reasons (remember the puppet sex?) the filmmakers and Paramount expressed no regret or fear over the film’s content.
Now, it seems that Paramount is sending a message of cowardice as it actively stopped any potential public showings of a movie made a decade ago. While Paramount might claim the cancellation of showings for a 10-year-old film was for the personal safety of theatres and audiences, it’s just as likely that Paramount does not want to be hacked like their counterpart and competitor, Sony.
It seems that these hackers and their supposed North Korean employer have created a pervasive fear within numerous movie studios. The actions that Sony and Paramount have taken have given legitimacy to an organization that many people know nothing about, and their choices to cancel film premieres and showings might be repeated in the future by studios unwilling to show a movie that actively criticizes a public figure.
In the end, Sony needs to make a decision about The Interview soon. Whether that’s releasing it online or VOD, it needs to be done quickly or they and others might have created a new and potentially very harmful precedent in the film industry.
What about you reader? What’s your opinion on Sony’s choice to cancel The Interview? What about Paramount’s actions on Team America: World Police? Let us know in the comments below!
This was submitted by a bunch of people this year, so enjoy as Wes and Steve discuss this holiday season, Christmas memories, and our Top 5 Christmas Movies/TV Specials!
What are your Top 5 Christmas Movies/TV Specials? Let us know! E-mail us at fiveplaynet@gmail.com!
Richard and Chris take you by the hand and through the wardrobe into the mystical land of Digital Noise, feeding you till you’re pleasingly plump on the Blu-ray and DVD equivalents of Turkish Delight.
This week: we largely agree that most of these titles are pretty darn good. The battle for PICK OF THE WEEK is the only major struggle with releases in contention such as Criterion’s Time Bandits, The Strange Color of Your Body’s Tears, Better Off Ted: Season 2, Jingle Bell Rocks, RWBY Season 2 and so much more good stuff.
And here’s where it gets real good, like Santa-just-brought-us-magic-weapons-but-what-the-hell-is-he-doing-in-this-story-anyway good: We’re giving away a bunch of blu-rays of the wonderful Zomb-Com, Dead Snow 2: Red vs Dead that you can win if you listen!
Please do use our Amazon links for all your online shopping needs! Thank you so much!
Welcome back to “I’m All Out Of Love”, in which I take a pop culture subject (film series, director, actor, television show, etc) and dissect how my ‘love’ of them from early on slowly dwindled and what my current stance on them is.
Peter Jackson, in many ways, is the ultimate success story. From his meager beginnings as a nerdy film fan from New Zealand, he rose to make a bunch of extravagantly tasteless & gory comedies as an independent filmmaker before being hired as the man who would make one of the most successful film franchises of all time. He helped give fantasy films the merit they deserved, gave his home country of New Zealand a booming economic outlet and has revolutionized the way films are made. Yet, around a decade or so ago, the man started losing that spark. Maybe it was the Oscar wins, maybe it was creative burnout or maybe he just plumb ran out of creative juice, but since the close of his magnum opus trilogy, it seems like the Peter Jackson we all knew and loved became more contented as a filmmaker and thus not as exciting.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not by any means decrying the merits of Peter Jackson as a filmmaker. Far from it. There’s a lot to admire in every Peter Jackson film. Even at his worst, he can bring an engaging performance or visual out that holds a lot of craft and skill. That being said, it’s easy to see that from Jackson’s last decade or so of output, he clearly has changed a lot as a filmmaker… and I’m not even talking about the fluctuating weight gain! But seriously, Jackson is a talented man, but I’ve seen a noticeable dip in quality in the years since his big win myself. Before we examine the current though, let’s look at the past.
The Spark
“It all began with the forging of the Great Rings.”
I’ve never read the J.R.R. Tolkein’s Lord of the Rings trilogy of books. I had read The Hobbit as a young boy and attempted to give the first book a shot, but couldn’t get past the first 50 or so pages of Fellowship of the Ring after realizing we were still in the damn Shire. Still, when the film of Fellowship came out in 2001, only a month after Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone had enchanted the nine year old me, fantasy was on the brain and the family had decided on making it a Christmas break outing.
Upon initial viewings in theaters, I wasn’t totally enraptured by the Lord of the Rings films. I enjoyed them, but the much of what seemed at the time like rather bloated story arcs didn’t grab me. Certain characters managed to make me curious, though. Concepts like two small guys trying to fight impossible odds, a man forced to bury his son and a man being turned into a pale faced obsessive creature by a magic ring all introduced darker thematic elements than I was used to at the time. Gollum’s scenes in Two Towers and Return of the King were really engaging to me because it was this dark tragic tale of obsession brought to gorgeous life by Andy Serkis and the effects people of WETA Digital. It was stuff like this that kept this fantasy trilogy in my mind long after viewing.
Years later, I would grow to appreciate the initial trilogy more and more as I re-watched them. The stories of these people (or dwarves or elves or hobbits or what have you) putting their lives on the line for the sake of Middle Earth and what it used to represent before the rise of Sauron gives a humanity to the stories that feature Orcs, dragons and trolls. The films also still stand out as true grand scale epics at a time when that style of filmmaking had gone missing in traditional Hollywood environments. Every element from the action to the production design to the creature effects to the performances to the script’s balance of all these tangled threads came together in a way few other films managed to do. There’s also a lot of historical significance to the way the films were made and what it represented when they were made, what the many Oscar wins for Return of the King did for fantasy and all that, but the fact that this trilogy was so well put together and filled with such passion on every production level really shined through in the highly entertaining and genuinely grand adventure that was the original trilogy.
The Love Affair
“It’s a three act story with a tragic end.”
It took me awhile to discover the varied and complex trajectory of Mr. Jackson’s career. His initial independent films like Bad Taste, Meet the Feebles and Braindead clearly showed a love for the mad lunacy in the works of Sam Raimi and Monty Python, which worked for a resident fan of both those things like myself. The care free way those films treat gore, social taboos and sanity in general had this funny if occasionally overwhelming love for chaos. Yet, at the same time, there’s a clear attention to detail that makes the worlds in which these crazy characters inhabit feel like real lived in worlds for us to explore, a skill he would later master for the construction of Middle Earth. This would later carry on to films like TheFrighteners, where Jackson first showed off his ability to strike genre style thrills with a much larger budget. One can even see traces of his horror roots in the Rings trilogy, with every Orc decapitation having the same brutal creativity that gave the zombie deaths in Braindead such an electric sense of timing and awe inspiring amount of carnage.
However, those aren’t the Peter Jackson films that stick close to me. The Lord of the Rings films even have a bit of a hard time competing with my favorite of Jackson’s works; Heavenly Creatures. Creatures is perhaps the most grounded and human of Jackson’s filmography, giving him the chance to use his visual flourishes in small yet damn impactful ways. The film’s focus on the relationship that builds between Melanie Lynsky & Kate Winslet is full of such passionate joy and curiosity that the knowledge of what’s to come by the end makes every frame showing their chemistry all the more tragic. We see them get to know each other, become fast friends and then completely destroy their lives in this subtle but highly emotional story. It’s full of tragic irony, regret and obsession in a way that few filmmakers could manage to pull off and it got Jackson the notice to start development on his grand trilogy. It’s a gorgeous and perfect piece of filmmaking that gives Jackson’s style a strong core of investment that keeps it so engaging twenty years after it’s initial release.
Nothing Lasts Forever
“I was here for a moment. And then I was gone.”
The common threads I’ve noticed in Jackson’s films are a sense of excess and grand scale. His low budget horrors had it, his Lord of the Rings films had it and his most recent films have it… but not often in a good way. Right from his first-post Rings effort with 2005’s King Kong remake, the troubles of his style became apparent in the endless cast of characters and unforgivingly lengthy 187 minute running time. For all the creature effects, big name stars and attention to detail, the film was ultimately an overblown version of the original 1933 film, which Jackson said was a major influence on him. Certain elements stood out, like Andy Serkis’ committed performance to the animal tendencies of the titular role that would prepare him for the monkey role of a lifetime in Rise and Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, especially for the scenes with Naomi Watts. That relationship brought some solid emotional weight to the overall bloated proceedings that no amount of time spent on that ship (which, for the record, was too damn long) or Jack Black eyebrow movements could honestly do.
Now, take the issues of King Kong, multiply it by about 5,000 and you get The Lovely Bones, Jackson’s muddled, offensive and daftly toned disaster of an attempted coming of age/supernatural/thriller/murder mystery/grief drama. The trouble is that there’s so much going on here and yet Jackson doesn’t know what to focus on. There’s the afterlife storyline with Saorise Ronan in front of a bunch of screen savers, the grieving family storyline with a completely miscast Mark Wahlberg, the mystery of Ronan’s death, the sudden comedic entrance of Susan Sarandon the drunken grandmother, the attempted capture of Stanley Tucci the creepy murderer neighbor and so much other extraneous crap. Any investment in the characters is shot by the horribly vapid attempts at dialogue for nearly every single character, the honestly cheap looking effects and the very noncommitted attempts at actually examining the horror of the situation at hand in favor of trying to market to teens. Aside from a genuinely great performance from Tucci, this is a boring drag of a miscalculation on every single front. None of what made Jackson the success that he was could be seen in Lovely Bones, not even an ounce of the talent, power and energy he once displayed with something as thematically similar to Bones as Heavenly Creatures. It’s still his weakest effort, but not his last disappointment.
When it was announced that Peter Jackson would take over directorial duties on the then two part Hobbit franchise, I was interested, but still slightly disappointed that Guillermo Del Toro would no longer be directing the films. I loved what Jackson did in the earlier films, but I wanted to see a different angle on this familiar material. Instead, we got more of what was roughly the same; the same style of action that Jackson used before, the same elaborate storytelling and the same love for New Zealand landscapes. Yet, despite feeling so familiar, The Hobbit films still aren’t nearly as satisfying as their predecessors. There’s stuff to enjoy; Martin Freeman makes for brilliant casting as Bilbo Baggins, Ian McKellan is as fun as ever in the Gandalf role, several action set pieces are well done and the effects at certain points are brilliant, especially when Gollum pops into An Unexpected Journey or Smaug shows up in The Desolation of Smaug. Yet, the severely uninteresting subplots, bits and pieces of filler teasing the events of the original trilogy & tediously lengthy yet largely unimpressive stretches of the very thin story from the book just kill much of the momentum. The detours also seriously damage any sort of genuinely engaging pacing or character development, causing characters like the underdeveloped Mary Sue newbie Thandriul or the various unremarkable members of the dwarf clan to have little worth investing in. Along with the bland CG Orc villains, the daft choice to film the trilogy in horrid looking 48 frames per second and the total waste of talents like Stephen Fry, Billy Connolly & Barry Humphries cements my problems with the trilogy. By the time I got to the conclusion of the endlessly repetitive action set pieces of Battle of the Five Armies, I just couldn’t see what was worth making this into a trilogy beyond the desire for more money.
Final Thoughts
“What have we done?”
Long after he eventually passes, Peter Jackson will be remembered for many reasons; his integral part in film history, his contributions to his homeland of New Zealand and his power to ignite the passionate love of fantasy in the hearts and minds of many who grew up at the start of the new millennium. That being said, many an important filmmaker doesn’t keep up their relevance for long and, based on his work since the original Lord of the Rings trilogy, I fear that Jackson has already hit that point of irrelevance. The work he’s done in the last ten years hasn’t shown much evolution, which is a shame given how much evolution there was from Bad Taste to Heavenly Creatures to the Rings trilogy. He’s stagnated at the point where he’s become more obsessed with the detail of the environments and technical innovation of film rather than the overall story or characters. Basically, imagine if James Cameron had made non-documentary movies in between Titanic & Avatar and you get the idea. This becomes even more likely when you read interviews with Jackson that raise the potential for even more Middle Earth films, something which would likely alienate most fans of Middle Earth, cinematically or otherwise.
Now mind you, I don’t want this to happen. Despite my gripes with his latest projects, I do still have hope for Jackson. As he’s also stated many times during interviews for The Hobbit (including the one linked earlier), he wants to try moving on to smaller scale projects once the second trilogy is done and I’m all for that. After spending so many years with attempts at grand scale epics, a smaller change of pace seems to be a good idea for Jackson as a filmmaker. Hopefully, a more limited amount of resources will inspire a new spark of creativity that gets him out of the stale funk he’s currently been in, maybe calling back to his earlier low budget horror style a la one of his key inspirations Sam Raimi with Drag Me To Hell or a more grounded character study in the vein of Heavenly Creatures.Hell, as much as I did criticize the lack of character in his Kong and The Hobbit trilogy, there are golden nuggets of engaging character moments to find amongst the muddled story and lackluster character development. At least he hasn’t sunk to George Lucas levels of incompetence and inhumanity as a filmmaker. So I still do have hope that he can break from stagnating Shire that is hollow blockbusters and go on a new adventure that leads to some exciting corners he hasn’t explored in years. Then again, if Jackson does make more Middle Earth movies, he should at least throw us a bone and have more Vietnam vet frogs being addicted to drugs in them.
Jean-Pierre Desperois. Born a slave in Haiti in a voodoo ritual with the power to travel through space and time. Now lives in Tunis. Smuggles salt. On payroll: crooked cops and hard-to-manage employees. When local gendarme Michel du Prix tells him about some corpses found in the desert, Jean-Pierre thinks nothing of it. But when the bodies start piling up, Jean-Pierre is implicated. Armed with nothing but his “baka” and his “ku-bha-sa”, Jean-Pierre tries to get to the bottom of the situation. But he’s in for more than he bargained.
Season One is 20 half-hour episodes released bi-weekly.
SALT is a spin-off ofThe Intergalactic Nemesis, an adventure set in the 1930s and taking the form of comic-books and graphic novels, audio drama, a web series, and a live theatrical production that’s touring the world. For access to all of this, check out www.theintergalacticnemesis.com.
Written and voiced by Jason Neulander. Additional voices by Buzz Moran, Danu Uribe, and Julie Linnard. Sound effects, audio engineering, and production by Buzz Moran. Original score by Adrian Quesada.
EPISODE TEN: FREEDOM
Jean-Pierre forgets last night’s dreams, embraces his new life in Makandal’s camp, accepts a challenge from Makandal, and trains for a dangerous mission.
Did you miss episode nine? You can catch it right here.
Camper Van Beethoven. Well who the fuck knew? I had heard stuff before, but in my head they had kind of defined the mid-80’s “let’s throw everything at the wall, and fuck it, let’s try and be funny at the same time” ethos I found so spread all over the place during that period of time. But this damn album, “Key Lime Pie“, got my attention. It didn’t feel like one long Dead Milkmen song, it was BEAUTIFUL. Even if Mark broke the rules by putting up an album he knew very well, it was fine by me, cause the rest of us didn’t, and we all walked away better people having heard it.
AND! I snuck in some Corinne Bailey Rae… Phil (making another awesome guest appearance) had a lot to add to that discussion…
See you guys next week…we’re tackling an LCD Snoresystem album…and something about some “Pink Pannies”…hmmm…talk soon.
Of all the crossover movies that film fans are eagerly anticipating, it’s hard to say that the recently leaked X-Men/Fantastic Four movie is one of them. For those unaware, the massive email leak that has plagued a number of film studios, most notably Sony, revealed a ridiculous amount of information for upcoming projects, including a number of superhero films. One of the projects in development is a crossover between 20th Century Fox’s current incarnation of the X-Men and newly rebooted Fantastic Four.
Despite the widespread misgivings in the comic community about the potential crossover, that doesn’t seem to have stopped fan speculation about the possible stories the film might attempt to adapt. After Fox’s success with X-Men: Days of Future Past, a loose adaptation of the comic of the same name, it would make sense for the studio to look to other popular comic book storylines featuring either the X-Men or Fantastic Four. So, in an effort to be a little positive about the announcement (leak), I present five comic storylines that would work well to feature both of the popular teams.
Days of Future Present
If it’s not broke, don’t fix it. X-Men: Days of Future Past became Fox’s highest grossing X-Men film, and the idea of creating another X-Men movie set in the Sentinel-laden future that also stars some members of the Fantastic Four is something that they might be willing to try. During the future events of Days of Future Past, Franklin Richards, the son of Reed and Susan Richards, falls in love with Rachel Summers, the daughter of Cyclops and Jean Grey. They, along with the surviving members of the X-Men and Fantastic Four, battle against the mutant-hunting Sentinels who have been enslaving humans and mutants for decades. The series is probably best known for the introduction of the Cajun-accented thief, Gambit.
While the book has a strong start, it sadly goes off the rails rather quickly due to the numerous problems that plagued comics during the 1990s (countless deaths/resurrections, overly muscled bodies, random pouches etc.) Still, the book does present a connection between the X-Men and Fantastic Four through Franklin and Rachel’s relationship. If a film adaptation were made, it would also allow further exploration of the future reality in Days of Future Past. I’ll take more scenes of superheroes battling those morphing-Sentinels, please.
The Galactus Trilogy
First of all, Galactus is not a giant cloud. He’s actually a giant god-like colossus that wears a really big purple hat. Why anyone would think a cloud is better than a giant man with a love of purple clothes is beyond me, but such was the case with Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer. An X-Men/Fantastic Four movie offers Fox a second chance to correctly portray the Galactus that Marvel fans all know and love, and the best way to do that is by adapting Stan Lee and Jack Kirby’s The Galactus Trilogy. The three-part series not only introduced the Devourer of Worlds, but also his herald, the Silver Surfer
While the X-Men were not present during the Fantastic Four’s first confrontation with Galactus, it wouldn’t be hard to believe they would want to have some role in stopping a world eating super being. So many standalone superhero films tend to exist in their own worlds, but with an entire planet at the mercy of a demi-god, a team-up among superheroes to stop a threat like that makes more sense than not.
E Is for Extinction
The first X-Men storyline written by Grant Morrison, E for Extinction follows the X-Men in their attempt to stop a new enemy named Cassandra Nova, a parasitic life-form that delights in mass murder and genocide. Planning to use a new army of Sentinels created by Donald Trask, Nova wishes to exterminate the entire mutant population on the planet, staring with the mutant haven, Genosha. The events were so staggering that they’re still felt to this day in many X-Men stories.
No, the Fantastic Four do not appear in the book, but the threat of global annihilation of an entire race would most certainly prompt some type of reaction from Marvel’s First Family. The film could also put a significant focus on Charles Xavier and Mr. Fantastic as they battle Nova intellectually. The two heroes are often overshadowed by their more popular teammates and allowing them to take center stage while engaging in a battle of wits with the villain could be both different and refreshing in a comic book movie.
Fantastic Four vs. The X-Men
Yeah, the title isn’t exactly original, but Fantastic Four vs. X-Men is another story that could be mined for ideas. The story follows the X-Men as they attempt to say save the life of Kitty Pryde, who is slowly dying of a disease caused by her phasing powers. Turning to the Fantastic Four for help, they’re stunned that Richards is unable to help her and later turn to Dr. Doom who offers a possible medical treatment.
The book is hardly worth reading in all honesty, but it does offer a nugget of an idea that could work for a movie. Perhaps instead of just Kitty dying from a disease, the entire mutant community is being overwhelmed by some unknown virus. Xavier appeals to medical researchers across the planet and Mr. Fantastic and Dr. Doom heed that call. This could set-up some nefarious plot where Doom uses the antidote/virus for his own benefit, while pitting the X-Men and Fantastic Four against one another.
House of M
After suffering a psychotic breakdown, Scarlett Witch, the daughter of Magneto, warps time and reality to create a new world where the dominant species on Earth are mutants. Humans and mutants alike serve Magneto’s globe spanning empire. Many of Marvel’s greatest heroes and villains now live idyllic lives in this mutant “utopia.” Magneto has finally achieved mutant superiority over humanity; Spider-Man is married to Gwen Stacy and has a child; Doctor Strange lives a quiet life as psychologist; Wolverine is an operative of SHIELD; and Dr. Doom is a well-respected world leader.
Now, the film will obviously be unable to showcase many of the heroes due to the numerous rights issues, but the Fantastic Four and Dr. Doom could fill the role of the human resistance fighters opposed to Magneto’s House of M in the original comic. This could set-up a confrontation between the X-Men, Brotherhood of Mutants and Fantastic Four all in one movie. Not only will the film be dealing with the idea of alternate realities and times, a concept proved to be very popular with X-Men: Days of Future Past, but it would offer yet another chance for Fox to showcase Quicksilver, a character who plays a major role as Scarlett Witch’s brother in House of M. Plus, who wouldn’t want to see Magneto go up against Dr. Doom?
What about you reader? Do you think an X-Men/Fantastic Four movie is a good idea? What comic storylines featuring both teams would you like to see? Let us know in the comments below!
I don’t think I’ve been subtle when it comes to my disdain towards the WWE’s ‘gimmick match’ pay-per-views. The thing about Hell in a Cell, Elimination Chamber, Money in the Bank and yes, TLC matches is that they felt more special when they popped up at random. When they are on a time table to appear a specific time every year, they lose their luster. But has this year’s Tables Ladders & Chairs PPV made me change my mind?
DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. LUKE HARPER (Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship): I will not talk about how Ziggler put on a performance of the ages and proved how ladder matches for the lesser titles can still be a draw. I will, however, speak about Luke Harper and how he assisted Ziggler in putting on one of the best ladder matches since the clinic that Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon put on nearly two decades ago. It is hard to establish strong ring psychology in dangerous matches such as these, but both superstars did so with ease. Though Harper has shown an uncanny knack for high flying moves, he chose to ground his match and wisely tried to keep Dolph grounded. But the hometown hero, after hitting a breathtaking high spot reversal into a DDT and a leap from one collapsed ladder to another ladder, reached the top and claimed his prize. WINNER: Dolph Ziggler.
THE USOS vs. DAMIEN MIZDOW & THE MIZ (Tag Team Championship): Try as he may, try as he might, Damien ‘Miz’dow can only do so much to make a match interesting when three other performers give us the same match we’ve seen out of them nearly twenty times already. The Usos are incredibly talented and their high spots, like the dive bomb onto the Miz outside the ring, were impressive as always. But every pay-per-view match of theirs, especially this one, feels like it could have been on Raw or SmackDown. What’s worse, one of the cardinal rules was broken again this year. You DO NOT END A MATCH ON A DISQUALIFICATION AT A PAY-PER-VIEW. Here’s hoping that there’s a better payoff on the horizon for this storyline. WINNERS: The Usos
ERICK ROWAN vs. BIG SHOW: A stairs match; that is the revolutionary new match type that WWE creative came up with. Show and Rowan are both gifted big men that can take a cheesy gimmick match like this and make it into a damn solid match. I was concerned with a spot where Rowan intended to come off the second rope with the top of the ring stairs to crush Show, who was lying on the bottom stairs. But Show dodged and the stairs bounced back up and clipped Rowan in the face. He was out of sorts from this point on. Show then delivered a vicious spear to Rowan, plowing him through half a dozen sets of ring stairs. One knockout punch to the back of the head later and Rowan was looking up at the lights. WINNER: Big Show
SETH ROLLINS vs. JOHN CENA: This tables match was an important one for John Cena, because if he lost, he would no longer be the number one contender for Brock Lesnar’s World Heavyweight Championship. Rollins has been bringing out the best in Cena in their past few confrontations and this was no exception. Rollins’ ‘security guards’, Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble were a factor in the match from almost the opening bell and interfered several times. Rollins’ athleticism was on full display, with one of the most amazing reversals out of Cena’s Attitude Adjustment, leaping clear over the table that Cena was intending to put him through. At one point both competitors went through a table, causing the referee to restart the match. Big Show made a B-line to the ring and went after Cena. But before he could finish off Cena, the music hit for a recently returned from injury Roman Reigns. One Superman punch and a spear through a table later and Show was no longer a factor, leaving Cena to put Rollins through a table. WINNER: John Cena
AJ LEE vs. NIKKI BELLA (Divas Championship): My heart goes out to AJ Lee. She is, quite possibly, the best Diva on the WWE roster since Trish Stratus. She has looks, presence, great mic skills and can put on a clinic in the ring. It’s a shame that, at yet another pay-per-view, AJ is saddled with competition that nearly injured her. Nikki Bella is trying. She had a few interesting spots, like pulling AJ into the ring post to do damage to her back. But this was not going to be a ten-fifteen minute amazing match and if it was, Nikki might have accidentally put AJ out for several months. It was a means to an end to furthering another vapid storyline for a division that is in disarray. Which is a shame since several in the division, AJ included, are capable of putting on four or five star matches. WINNER: AJ Lee
KANE vs. RYBACK: The ‘Demon’ against the ‘Big Guy’ was billed to be one of the most brutal matches of this pay-per-view. And it certainly was, but not in the way that many were expecting. One might say that wielding a steel chair in a match is somewhat of a fine art. Making it look like you are obliterating someone with a dangerous weapon without actually using it takes years to truly master. When it’s not mastered, you wind up how Kane looked after this match. There were several spots where Ryback clearly was swinging the chair too hard. Another spot that was supposed to be a spinebuster through a steel chair turned into a botch where the back of Kane’s head hit the edge of the chair, clearly a screw up. Kane, forever a company man, fought on and the two men continued to batter each other with chairs until Ryback was able to deal out his signature Meat Hook Clothesline, and then his ‘Shellshock’ finisher. WINNER: Ryback
JACK SWAGGER vs. RUSEV (United States Championship): These two men are immensely talented ring workers, but because of their restrictive gimmicks and limited mic skills, we rarely get a good buildup for these pay-per-view confrontations. But Rusev injuring Swagger’s manager (mouthpiece) Zeb Coulter was just the dusting off that this feud needed. Swagger’s amateur background and Rusev’s Sambo skills alone create a unique viewing experience. But high impact maneuvers, like the super kick that floored Swagger and nearly gained a count out victory for Rusev, kicked this up a notch. But creative needs to remember that Swagger is one of the best technicians on the roster, so if Rusev has to go over on him, it should be via pin fall or knockout, not via his submission maneuver, The Accolade. But that is exactly how Rusev beat Swagger…again. WINNER: Rusev
DEAN AMBROSE vs. BRAY WYATT: Thank you, WWE, for having the common sense to give these great workers the main event of the program. Their mind games over the past two months have been enthralling television. So much so that I didn’t mind their match at last month’s pay-per-view ending in a disqualification. Wyatt taking a shot from a kendo stick directly to the head was a ballsy move. So was Ambrose taking a punch from Wyatt that sent him flying off the top rope and through a table. Another spot featured Dean suspending Wyatt over the second rope, then doing a leg drop to Wyatt onto a steel chair. This match redefined the word escalation. After three elbows from the top of the ladder to Wyatt, Ambrose proceeded to use a flat screen television as a weapon. But he yanked the cord so hard, the television blew out, sending sparks in Ambrose’s face. This blinded him long enough for Wyatt to deliver his finisher, Sister Abigail, ending this battle. But the war between the psychopath and the sociopath doesn’t appear to be ending any time soon. WINNER: Bray Wyatt
TLC 2014 was a true human demolition derby where no one escaped unscathed. While some doubts lingered, these athletes took incredibly gimmicky matches and turned out a decent pay-per-view. Were you pleased with the final pay-per-view of this year?