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Extra long podcast & special guest alert!
Colin joins Wes and Steve as they discuss greyhounds, sub-zero temperatures, and our Top 5 Worst of 2014!
What are your Top 5 Worst of 2014? Let us know! E-mail us at fiveplaynet@gmail.com!
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2015 has begun and the first thing Sarah and Toshi do is take a look back at 2014!
Toshi talks movies while Sarah talks about her best experience in 2014… that happened about 2 weeks ago…
Here’s hoping everyone out there had a happy New Year, and no matter what kind of year 2014 was for you, here’s hoping 2015 will be even better!
Note: This episode contains minor spoilers for Interstellar and Big Hero 6
Greetings everybody, and welcome to Animated Anarchy’s List for the Best and Worst of Animation in 2014!
This year was very peculiar for animation, filled with incredibly high highs and disastrously low-lows. There was tons of experimentation on the big and silver screens making for a very fulfilling, but exhausting marathon to see what would be worth for this article. For this year specifically, I think there are tons of obvious standout favorites in terms of movies, but there were lots of bizarre oddities that crept from the Hollywood’s dumpsters. (Tons of “Oh yeah, that piece of crap was 2014…”)
Before we get to my list of Best/Worst, I do want to lay down some very important notes. I have not seen every animated feature possible; the biggest omissions being many of the foreign animated movies that were only available at festivals or are slated for 2015. And that’s killing me, because I really want to see critically acclaimed gems like The Tale of Princess Kaguya and Song of the Sea, but I don’t live in large city. The same can be said of the “Worst Of” which I tried to watch as much as I could, but a decent amount couldn’t even be found on Netflix.
My other concern is I don’t want to be repetitive with this blog, so I’m also not including shows I’ve already reviewed on Animated Anarchy. So no Legend of Korra, South Park Season 18, or Rainbow Rocks. Korra would have been an honorable mention, South Park would have tied with Best #3, and Rainbow Rocks would have tied as 2nd Worst. I want to mostly center this list around new series/films that were aired this year. Once I start to get my blog count into the dozens, then we can start to do some revisions.
So here we go, let’s start with the vinegar before the sugar and talk with the #5 Worst Animated Property of 2014:
The Nut Job was the first animated film of 2014 and immediately decried as one of the worst for good reasons. It’s a lazy, dull version of a Looney Tunes plot stretched over 75 minutes with a look and design ripped straight from Over The Hedge. The film even feels 6 years old as the CGI didn’t quite render all the way, making the characters look quite wonky. And this is a movie that only has 20 characters in the movie total. The only time the animation looks halfway decent is when the character dance to Gangnam Style over the credits (complete with a CGI-Psy).
The plot is insipid, the gags don’t work, and there’s barely anything of real quality all throughout the movie. At best, I can say that the backgrounds were well-done and Maya Rudolph as the pug added a touch of spice to make it somewhat bearable. Sadly, the movie is just filled with pointless, one-note characters and drops us into a time period and scenario we hardly know anything about. With all of the listless effort put into this film, it stands as the poster child of the January Dump Month.
You couldn’t have more separate entries to tie at my #5 slot, but I couldn’t forget them for how greatly entertaining they were. Mike Tyson Mysteries is only 5-episodes young, but every time I watched the show I would laugh for days over its really clever humor. Mike Tyson is perfect for delivering non-sequiters and random gags about magicians and bird sex, playing off co-stars Jim Rash and Norm McDonald particularly well. Plus, I have a real soft spot for the return to Hanna-Barbera designs akin to Harvey Birdman, which really work well to the plots contained in every episode. Every episode is surprisingly well told under 15 minutes and keeps me guessing to what comical lengths the show will go. I will be happy to keep watching this as it comes back in January. 
Now Feast on the other hand is another beautiful short in the same vein as Paperman created by Disney. The combination of hand-drawn and computer animation is simple gorgeous and really makes me hope that Disney will finally do a full-length animated film in it’s style. The plot is relatively simple told from the eyes of a dog and his obsession with food, but it’s incredibly relatable with its themes of love, change, and motivation. Feast is only 6 minutes long, but I have no doubt it’s gonna win the Oscar for Best Animated Short.
To its credit, this isn’t to count out Big Hero 6’s quality. It was also an amazing film, but Feast was far more original and able to deliver such stunning work in a smaller amount of time. It’s rare, but sometimes the opening act outshines the headliner.
Dear god, I don’t think there was a more aggressively obnoxious children’s show to come out this year than The Breadwinners. The show uses the mixed-media art style of The Amazing World of Gumball, but only to emphasize on the poorly executed zaniness of the program. It’s about ducks (pointlessly named ShayShay and Buhduece) getting into wacky hijinks as they deliver bread with the annoy-o-meter cranked up past 12. This is the type of crappy animation representative that makes people think that children’s shows are nothing but hyperactive screaming.
What’s terrible about The Breadwinners is how it surpasses other shows in being bad. It has more puns than something like Planes: Fire and Rescue and has more ADD-fueled randomness than something like Uncle Grandpa. It might look colorful, but every time it wants to nudge me in the shoulder to make me laugh, it just pokes me in the eyes. Nickelodeon is going to enter another dark period if this is the show to represent them from now on.
One of the better surprises this year in the animation department was The Book of Life that wore its influence, heart, and talent on its sleeve. The movie is framed exceptionally well, with a decorative marionette style that works as the perfect backdrop to this familiar, but classic story about love, rivalries, and duty. I love how the film teaches children about real Mexican culture with death and the afterlife being another part of the one’s existence. It’s even used as a great plot point as we move from the wooden design of the living versus the skeletal versions of the dead.
I really wish I watched this movie in 3D, because there is such gorgeous design to what made the film work visually and story-wise. It was tightly paced, I loved the characters, and every set piece was simply mesmerizing. Credit especially goes to Diego Luna, who voiced the main character of Manolo and performed great flamenco covers to various songs that worked as wonderful scene transitions. This is one movie that I’ll be happy to pop in every Day of the Dead.
Nobody said being the animation guy meant covering the straight-to-video schlock but I had to prepare with this film’s limited release and near-immediate notoriety. Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return is pointless, plain and simple. I’m astonished at how such a much-loved brand was given to first time animation company “Summertime Entertainment” with a real lack of care. You can tell you are in for a bumpy ride when your movie starts with an overly long credits sequence of all the celebrities roped in to the project and each song writers individually noted.
It is one awkwardly made movie, where Dorothy has to save Oz once again from an evil Jester who was a forgotten brother to the Wicked Witch of the West. I don’t know if the Oz books mention anything about a land of candy or talking trees, but every beat of this movie is simply passé story wise and scene wise. They made a big deal of Lea Michele being the voice of Dorothy, only to highlight on poorly written, unmemorable songs to pad out the time. And in nearly every single one of these bad scenes, they will zoom in on a reaction shot by Toto.
What makes the film insufferable is that there’s a secondary plot in the real world where a mysterious appraiser wishes to take everyone in Kansas’s homes for failing insurance regulations. And despite having no license or proof, this plan WORKS without anyone questioning it. Thank god 80% of the film is spent in Oz with a few neatly peppered action scenes that explore the Tin Man, Scarecrow, and Lion after they received their gifts from the original movie. If you are going to aim for Redbox fodder, why even use the name of big property in the first place?
Over The Garden Wall was easily Cartoon Network’s smash hit of 2014. Created by another Adventure Time alumnus, Patrick McHale, the mini-series follows the tales of brothers Greg and Wirt who must wander the strange forest of the Unknown to find their way back home. It has a beautiful dark fantasy backdrop with heavy vibes from Grimms’ Fairy Tales and Maurice Sendak, but stands as it’s own incredibly creation.
This has some of the best atmosphere I have seen in a cartoon in a long while, with an eerie, but surprisingly immersive fantasy world. Every new character brings a sense of depth and mystery to this strange environment with you constantly guessing who is going to be a threat and what’s going to become a future plot point. This show is oozes with great, thematic storytelling that is balanced so well between the conversations between the ever-cheerful Greg and the pessimistic Wirt, combined with the passively prickly Beatrice. Plus there are some really memorable minor characters voiced by Christopher Lloyd, Tim Curry, and John Cleese.
Although it is incredible all the way though, I’m not so much a fan of the ending as many people are, mostly because it uses a storytelling device I’m not a fan of. Yet, I was constantly amazed at its ambitious sense of direction and mood, even if it came off a bit twee. I stand that this mini-series will be a classic for animation buffs for years to come. Cartoon Network is really taking the chances we love and makes me hope they can pull off more brilliant, risky ideas.
We always hope that when a new adult cartoon comes out that it’s innovative or at the bare-minimum funny, but Chozen is neither. Quite appropriate as I covered the best new animated show of 2014; this is undoubtedly the worst new program by FX. I always find it strange when a celebrity wants to use as animated show as their launching pad, but Bobby Moynihan crashed and burned with this new show about a gay rapper who wanted to rise back up to the top.
Not a single time watching this show voiced by several talented comedians did I ever laugh. The character of Chozen is just a miscreant, acting like an overly gangsta manchild who wrecks everything he touches but is somehow admired because of his rapping skills. None of his rapping is memorable or even tongue-in-cheek smart, as there’s so many ways you could make jokes about the rap industry or how he breaks the mold from his hard persona. His homosexuality doesn’t even define his character other than the fact he screws random people in a public restrooms.
It has the bare minimum of plot and character development to make a season-long story, but it’s all bland and stale. I’m genuinely surprised the writers of this show wanted to make such a toothless, lame story about a rapper on a network with such a raunchy, cult icon like Archer. I would take five seasons of the unstimulating Unsupervised over Chozen any day of the weak. Thankfully it was cancelled before that hypothetical could come to light.
How To Train Your Dragon 2 is hands down the best Dreamworks movie. I was really impressed when the studio was able to pull off a great sequel in Kung Fu Panda 2, but this film even exceeds that with jaw-dropping animation, intense action, grand world-building, and heart wrenching moments. The reveals and the risks of HTTYD2 made me proud to be an animation fan, leaving me devastated with tears of sadness and joy by the end.
Not only was it a continuation but a first movie, but picked up so much of the development from the Riders of Berk cartoon series. You become more comfortable with the world as everyone has grown up and developed as dragons became a fixture to Viking society. But the tension really ratchets up as Hiccup encounters his long lost mother while trying to unify with other dragonriders in the world. It’s a perfect follow up to everything we loved when we first saw Toothless five years ago.
I was so thrilled with this; I purchased the art book after seeing the film and immediately told everyone to go pour money into the franchise. Although many people’s issue with the film was the lack of development of the new villain Drago Bloodfist; I’d still argue he is an incredibly effective force that really shakes up the story. (Very Ronan The Accuser, if you will) Just as the first film left us floored with the ending, I was so unbelievably happy that this could stay as ballsy as the first and deliver beyond my expectations. There’s no doubt in my mind that Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois will stay as some of our finest animation directors.
This inclusion might seem off to everything I have already put on the list, but the final season of The Boondocks does something beyond offensive than any other property that came out in 2014. It poisons the legacy of an astonishing, thought-provoking, and brilliant show I loved from the very beginning. Boondocks Season 4 is bastardizing garbage that single-handedly destroyed nearly all the evocative discourse created by Aaron MacGruder. And as my fellow OneOfUs writer Thomas Mariani did a great job lambasting the new series, I had to take off my own belt for a much needed whooping.
Yes, we learned that he allowed Season 4 to be created without his involvement in to launch his new project on Adult Swim, Black Jesus. And Black Jesus is a “good” show, but nothing with the gravitas and hysterical commentary on society as The Boondocks Season 1 and 2. To me, it felt like MacGruder sold his first-born’s college fund just so his younger child had a chance to perform on American Idol.
Season 4 is this utter definition of character flanderization, as Huey was pushed to the background in order for Grandpa and Riley to constantly flail and act moronic for 10 straight episodes. There’s no clever commentary here, and the satire is so ear-piercingly deaf that it just comes off as nasty and hackneyed. Every episode throughout the whole season is just a retread of another Boondocks episode, or even lifted straight up from a Chappelle’s Show sketch.
Every single aspect of this show trying to make a comeback fell straight on it’s ass, shattering the bone. Nothing was funny. None of the characters who I loved or laughed at were doing anything remotely intelligent. It was clichéd, painful, and directly insulted my intelligence for asking for something better. And how does it end? The Freemans are broke, stuck in the idiotic city of Woodcrest constantly hazed by Uncle Ruckus and a randomly revived Stinkmeaner. This is a failure and whoever worked on the show past MacGruder’s departure should feel ashamed for doing such a piss-poor job.
So, with all of that hate and fail not cleansed from our bodies…it’s time to announce the greatest piece of animation from 2014. Some won’t see it as a major surprise, but we all truly felt that way when we entered the theater. As incredible as How To Train Your Dragon 2 was, comparing the two is like apples and oranges. And I believe this will be a new, generation-defining movie for the children as The Goonies or E.T. did before it.
The Lego Movie is sensational and the best film to ever be based on children’s toys. Chris Miller and Phil Lord have a gifted understanding of depth from their early days making Clone High, to expanding the work of Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, and skewering Hollywood comedy in the Jump Street reboots. What they did creating The Lego Movie that not only parodies our stories about familiar heroes, but has so many ingenious levels of depth brick-by-brick.
The Lego Movie isn’t just an incredible treat, but that magical, rare moment when you order a sandwich from a restaurant for the first time and it blows your mind. It is absolutely perfect for all ages being colorful and funny, but has an astounding level of craftsmanship and story development that will leave adults tearing up as well. What they were able to encapsulate by making the CGI look like a large-scale stop-motion short is nothing short of brilliant and makes every single scene of the film memorable. And that’s only from the visual standards.
Emmet. Wyldstyle. Batman. Lord Business. Unikitty. Benny. We love all of these characters and each of them had a unique layer of dimension to their personality. The voice acting was top notch using Chris Pratt, Will Ferrell, Morgan Freeman, and Elizabeth Banks, with the distinct style of each celebrity matching well with the design of their character.
Critics are even exploring all the different themes that the Lego World represents from Extremism to Conformity, Corporate Influence, Maturity, and Political Compromise. Hell, Everything is Awesome works as a catchy song and a definition for the movie’s underlying message; understanding the importance of playing your part and flexing your creativity at the right moment for the world. This film hits the perfect balance: witty, touching, poignant, and visually masterful making the 3D worth the price of admission. The Lego Movie deserves the title of the greatest animated product of 2014 as a loving tribute to our franchise-filled childhoods.
So there we are, the Best and Worst of last year. Odd for me that the best thing I saw this year came out in February with nothing else being able to top it. Some of you might be asking why I didn’t name some certain other properties that came out in 2014. When will I get to them?
Well, tune into the next Animated Anarchy coming soon! Thanks for reading. Do you share my sentiments? Did anything else deserve much needed praise or a much needed keyboard lashing? Leave a comment below!
Human technology is a true wonder. It has elevated us away from focusing our day to day activities on the plight of survival and allowed us to flourish in development of the arts. Like most people, I embrace certain aspects of technology wholeheartedly, while dragging my feet with others. For example, I’ve finally succumbed to the fact that texting is now more prolific than actually speaking to somebody on the phone. For a girl who likes to talk as much as I do, it’s been a struggle to accept.
In movies as an art form, the rise of technology, particularly CGI has created an entire new realm of possibilities. Artists can make anything come to life, in delicious, vivid dimensions. I remember my first time watching Jurassic Park, eyes wide and heart racing as that infamous T-rex chased my beloved Jeff Goldblum in the rain. It was amazing! I was actually looking at a dinosaur! I wholeheartedly embraced this new generation of cinematic magic and still love every minute of it.
However, there is one aspect of CGI evolution that I don’t embrace and in actuality, I kind of despise. That, my friends, is when film makers, for whatever reason, choose computer graphics over practical make up, especially when it is 150,000% unnecessary!
Now, I get that there are certain non-human creatures that are truly impossible to create with human actors and even the best make-up artists have limits. Some examples are Gollum, from Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings or the Na’vi creatures from James Cameron’s Avatar. There is just no way to get an actor to conform to the physicality of these characters using make up, so the CGI work expands the film makers’ possibilities. These marvelous innovations aside, what really irks me is when CGI is absolutely unnecessary, but it is used in place of talented make-up artistry.
Firstly, computerized imaging doesn’t age well. CGI only looks good when the level of technology used to view it, matches the era or level of technology available when it was created. In other words, 1990s CGI looked spectacular when watching it through state-of-the-art 1990s televisions. Now, that home viewing and even mobile devices deliver higher and higher definition imagery, movies that relied on heavy computer graphics from as little as a few years ago, start to look kind of off. Our eyes can easily detect the inconsistency of what was artificially added and what actually existed in front of the lens. This discrepancy, when observed on an actor’s face, in the place of practical make up, throws the audience off. While we are much more forgiving of hokey-looking back drops, and environments, the human face does not get the same leniency. Instead of enhancing the character, CGI make-up can disconnect the viewer from the actor’s intention and place in the story. Since infancy, we are finely tuned to facial features and use facial expressions as a major form of communication. Intrinsically, it’s hard for us to ignore when an actor looks mismatched with his CGI enhancements. The computer graphics almost look like they are trying to catch up with the nuances of human movements, instead of moving with the actor, the way practical make up would.
The most annoying and abusive use of computerized make up effects that never ceases to bother me, is the use of CGI blood. The problem here is not that the blood doesn’t always look real, even though it usually doesn’t. It’s that the post-production team always seems to ignore certain laws of physics and the rules of film continuity. When blood is spilt, splattered, or gushed, it has to end up somewhere. It should be smeared on weapons, spackled on the wall, or pooled underfoot. I’ve watched dozens of good (and bad) films where a violently bloody action sequence ends with the protagonist walking away from a spotless room and clean floors. I’ve even watched swords slash wonderfully through a foe, and as blood squirted from the wound, it spread out into small drops, and just disappeared in thin air. What the fuck?!
However, when “real” fake blood is used, the result is a marvelously messy and eye-popping spectacle. The scene has more impact, because, honestly, it looks more graphic. Some may argue that this is a choice in story-telling styles, but I argue that CGI blood is usually used to allow for more takes on a particularly complicated action sequence. And, I would have no trouble with this, if enough artistic commitment was given to follow through. If a director wants to include a bloody battle in their movie, back that shit up! Make sure T’s are crossed and I’s are dotted in post-production, and be sure to include good post-blood effects work in the time and financial budget.
Annoyances aside, I do believe that CGI make-up has a place in film. I was recently rewatching Robert Zemeckis’ Death Becomes Her. As one of my long standing favorite films, I admire this movie because, although there is an abundance of computerized make-up effects, Zemeckis chose practical make-up effects at every opportunity. He uses CGI as a last resort, and a surprising amount of the effects are done using simple and fabulous practical trickery.
If you have the time, please check out Death Becomes Her. The film uses both CGI and practical effects to tell a cautionary tale of the dangers of vanity and envy. It’s seriously, one of those movie gems that should never be allowed to fade from our memories. But, my love of the film aside, the point I am making here is that the best effects in this movie, and the ones that hold your belief the most, are the practical ones. Between your chuckles as the insane hijinks of the main characters, you’ll instantly spot the CGI moments, and you’ll probably simply accept the impact of the practical ones, without losing touch with the story. Hint, hint: Meryl Streep’s total body rejuvenation in front of the mirror was done almost entirely by using practical effects, including the breast lift. Thank you for reading and I always welcome any comments!
–Diva Del Mar
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Kevin is back after his paternity leave and as he was picking the album for this week’s episode, he decided to throw us a softball. Oh wait, actually he decided to alter the format of the show: this week he picked our first comedy album.
This week’s show features Demetri Martin’s 2012 record “Standup Comedian”. I’m not gonna say it wasn’t fun figuring out how to talk about a comedy record, or that we won’t do another record in the future, but it sure was an interesting choice. I just want to thank Mark Couvillion again for letting us record in his garage the last couple of months, and doing quite an able job filling in for Kevin. Mark will be around in the future so this isn’t a goodbye or anything.
Ok. OH! Also, for this week’s A Few Minutes With, in keeping with the comedy theme, I decided we should listen to “My Name is Hannibal” which is a bit by Hannibal Buress.
OK! That’s it for now. Next time we will be taking on “Metamodern Sounds in Country Music”. We haven’t done enough country, so why not listen to a dude that sings about LSD and covers the When In Rome hit “The Promise” (which we’ve talked about on this show, bringing it all full circle).
Next week then?
–Shane
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This week we take a bite out of three films! We know, it’s a mouthful, but we discuss the found-footage gem The Houses October Built, Scream Factory’s newest Blu-ray release Candyman: Farewell To The Flesh, and Alexander Aja’s newest offering Horns. Plus, we give our Top 10 Novel-to-Film adaptations.
The Flicks:
The Houses October Built (2014)
Director: Bobby Roe
Written By: Zack Andrews, Jeff Larson
Starring: Brandy Schaefer, Zack Andrews,Bobby Roe
Beneath the fake blood and cheap masks of countless haunted house attractions across the country, there are whispers of truly terrifying alternatives. Looking to find an authentic, blood-curdling good fright for Halloween, five friends set off on a road trip in an RV to track down these underground Haunts. (RLJ/Image)
Candyman: Farewell To The Flesh (1995)
Director: Bill Condon
Written By: Clive Barker (story), Rand Ravich (screenplay)
Starring: Tony Todd, Kelly Rowan, William O’Leary
His myth has endured for generations. His legacy is eternal rage. And now he’s back… with a vengeance! Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh continues the tale of the phantom-like figure who wreaks a terrible fate upon those who chant his name five times while looking into a mirror… and come face to face with grisly death.
A victim of unspeakable evil while he lived, the “Candyman” (Tony Todd, Final Destination) has become evil incarnate in his afterlife. This time, he haunts the city of New Orleans, where a young schoolteacher named Annie Tarrant (Kelly Rowan, The O.C.) is struggling to solve the brutal murder of her father. The locals insist that he was slain by the Candyman, but Annie is not convinced… until she unwittingly summons the monster forth, learns the secret of his power, and discovers the link that connects her to him. But can she stop him before he kills again? Directed by Bill Condon (Gods And Monsters, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn) from a story by Clive Barker (Hellraiser, Nightbreed), Candyman: Farewell To The Flesh is “one heck of a scary movie” (Moviehole)! (Scream Factory)
Horns (2013)
Director: Alexandre Aja
Written By: Keith Bunin (screenplay), Joe Hill (novel)
Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Juno Temple,Max Minghella
A supernatural thriller driven by fantasy, mystery, and romance, Horns follows Ig Perrish (Daniel Radcliffe), the number one suspect for the murder of his girlfriend, Merrin (Juno Temple). Hungover from a night of hard drinking, Ig awakens one morning to find horns growing from his head and soon realizes their power drives people to confess their sins and give in to their most selfish and unspeakable impulses–an effective tool in his quest to discover what happened to his girlfriend and exact revenge on her killer. Based on the best-selling novel by Joe Hill. (Anchor Bay)
As many gamers know, there are always a handful of games that disappoint. The year that was 2014 was no exception, with many games failing to live up to expectations. In an effort to showcase the worst offenders, I present to you the seven most disappointing games of the year. Whether it’s poorly designed AI, abysmal storytelling or broken online multiplayer, all of these games deserve to scrutinized for their failures and underwhelming presentations.
Also, be sure to read “Fourteen Video Games From 2014 That You Need to Play” to get the lowdown on some of last year’s best titles.
The Awards: Most Disappointing Game, Most Broken Game, Most Overrated Game, Most Tired Franchise, Most Forgettable Game, Worst Remake/Reboot, Worst Re-Release, Studio Killer, Dead on Arrival and Ubisoft’s Third Worst Game of 2014
Watchdogs
Winner: Most Forgettable Title
Everyone remembers E3 2012 when Ubisoft premiered their new IP, Watchdogs. It took the gaming event by storm. Everyone was talking about how beautiful the open-world looked and how amazing the hacking abilities were. After releasing in March of this year, many people denied even saying those things.
Watchdogs is an open-world world action game set in a very-near future Chicago. Placing players in the role of master-hacker Aiden Pearce, Watchdogs tasks players to become the ultimate vigilante. Now, the idea of hacking into people’s phones, bank accounts and the very infrastructure of Chicago all sounded like a great (and terrifying) idea at first, but as the game was continually delayed, many began to question if Ubisoft could deliver on their lofty promises.
Instead of what was promised early on at E3 and other subsequent events, players received a noticeably graphically inferior game with a superficial hacking mechanic and a boring open world. To add on to the disappointment, Watchdogs seemed to take a note from the Assassin’s Creed franchise and include an underdeveloped and completely detestable protagonist to play as. The game initially sold well, but it has largely been forgotten with the release of more popular and even more infamous titles. If there’s a game this year that deserves to be nothing but an afterthought in 2014, it’s Watchdogs.
Drive Club
Winner: Dead on Arrival and Studio Killer
Initially supposed to be a launch title for the PS4 in 2013, Drive Club was delayed an entire year in order to “improve” the game’s dynamic menu system. Well, at least that’s what Sony’s first-party developer Evolution Studios claimed to be the reason for the lengthy delay. In all honesty, the writing was on the wall with this one. Released on October 7, Drive Club was fraught with numerous glitches, bugs and online multiplayer issues, leaving it completely unplayable.
Worse, the game’s severs are broken to this day, with many players unable to even connect to the game’s poorly developed multiplayer races and challenges. In all honesty, if Drive Club released with no problems, it still would have been demolished by critics for its shoddy level design and uneven driving mechanics. There was also a free version of the title with fewer cars promised to PlayStation Plus subscribers, but Sony has since postponed that version of the game with no promises of actually releasing it. The abysmal sales might have something to do with that.
Please, spend your time and money playing Nintendo’s Mario Kart 8 or the Xbox exclusive Forza Horizon 2. Those games actually get racing right.
Halo: The Master Chief Collection
Winner: Worst Re-Release
In case anyone thought I was just bashing on Sony, you’ll be relieved that I have plenty of ire for the Xbox One exclusive title, Halo: The Master Chief Collection. With developer Bungie leaving to work on Destiny (we’ll get to that later), 343 Industries has since been the guiding hand in the franchise. There most recent game, The Master Chief Collection, features four Halo games in one.
To many, The Master Chief Collection was being sold on its online features, specifically the highly regarded Halo 2 multiplayer. The last thing that 343 wanted was to deliver a game that featured some of the worst online connectivity issues of the year. Too bad that’s exactly what they shipped to gamers. Even if players were able to connect to an online multiplayer match, which was unlikely to begin with, the team-balancing would kill any desire to even play the game. Having a single player square off against an entire squad sounds fair, right?
Yes, the single-player campaigns can be played, but it’s not like those aren’t available on other platforms. As it is right now, The Master Chief Collection fails miserably to be the love-letter to fans that 343 promised it to be. As the developers of Halo 5: Guardians, 343 Industries is in dire straits to prove themselves worthy successors to house that Bungie built.
Assassin’s Creed Unity
Winner: Most Broken Game and Most Tired Franchise
Is it even really necessary to go into detail about Ubisoft’s Assassin’s Creed Unity, the game where people’s faces are missing?! In a pretty poor year for the French developer, Assassin’s Creed Unity was the rotten cherry on the shit sundae.
Set during the French Revolution, the latest entry in the Assassin’s Creed franchise follows Arno Dorian, a French assassin (who has an English accent for some reason) as he and his fellow parkour enthusiast fight against the Templar Order…blah, blah…piece of Eden…blah, blah…love story. Like most of the recent entries in the series, the story is as poorly written and incomprehensible as a Metal Gear Solid title. Arno is a bland version of Assassin’s Creed II’s Ezio Auditore da Firemze, and is only slightly less boring than Watchdogs’ Aiden Pearce.
The bugs, glitches, awful framerate and faceless people aside, the game also sports a lackluster co-op mode where up to four players can kill as many poorly designed AI as they can.
What makes this whole thing even worse is the fact that Ubisoft was well aware that they had a shitty game on their hands, and knew the reaction was going to be very unkind. If placing lengthy review embargos on a AAA game like Assassin’s Creed isn’t an ominous omen, then I don’t know what is.
The last generation Assassin’s Creed: Rogue was said to have been better than its French counterpart, but it seems to have failed to make a sizeable impact on the minds of gamers and critics. In the end, Assassin’s Creed needs to take a long (I’m thinking a decade) multi-year break, but with Assassin’s Creed: Victory set to be released this year, that’s unlikely to happen any time soon.
Thief
Winner: Worst Remake/Reboot
Many fans of the stealth genre have a special place in their hearts for the Thief series. Its setting, the difficulty and the loveable cockney accents all added to the series’ atmosphere making it one the premiere stealth titles. Edios Montreal’s reboot of the franchise, Thief, has none of those things and seems to actively avoid including the hallmarks so many players gravitated towards.
The stealth, the focus of the game, often feels too restrictive and clunky, giving the player little reason to try multiple options when trying to steal a valuable item. Thief’s “combat” feels out of place and is only made comical by the broken fight takedown animations. The poor visuals, long load times and cramped spaces only add to the frustrations.
The game’s protagonist, Garret, is yet another of the games long list of disappointments. Garret’s next gen incarnation is both wooden and brooding, spending most of his time mumbling his thoughts in a voice that is as soothing as sandpaper. While he certainly resembles his character from previous games, there’s just something uniquely unpleasant about him. It could be the fact that has the distinct look of someone who has not had a shower in years.
The Crew
Winner: Ubisoft’s Third Worst Game of 2014
Yeah, Ubisoft has certainly been delivering a lot of crap AAA titles this year, and The Crew is no different. Touted as a massive online multiplayer driving game, The Crew’s woes began early after the release of particularly bad beta for the game. Ubisoft, ever the professionals, assured that the bugs and glitches that plagued the beta would be addressed and fixed. After the game’s release, not only were the bugs and glitches not fixed, but the title itself felt no different from its early access beta.
The saddest thing about the game was that it actually looked promising. Hyping the game’s “seamless” online integration and setting, which takes place across the entire continental United States, Ubisoft seemed to have a new hit franchise on their hands. Since its release, The Crew has suffered from a number of online connectivity issues and broken AI. Adding to the disappointment is the fact that game looks like an early version of a racing title on last generation consoles.
The final nail in the coffin for The Crew is that it isn’t a very good racing game to begin with. With clunky controls and an overwhelming amount of garbage statistics on the screen, players will most likely struggle to even complete a race let alone win one.
Destiny
Winner: Most Disappointing Game and Most Overrated Game
Everyone’s heard of it and everyone seems to be playing it, but that hasn’t stopped many critics and gamers from putting it at the top of their lists as one of the most disappointing games in years. Destiny is the first non-Halo title produced by Bungie in over a decade. After five years in production, Destiny was released to middling reviews and severe backlash for its underwritten story, lifeless open world and broken loot mechanic.
After finishing Destiny’s last story mission, it probably dawned on a lot of players that they had absolutely no clue what the hell was going on. They didn’t know why they were fighting against this mysterious entity called the Darkness, and why the player character seemed so adamant about stopping it. Sadly, Destiny doesn’t care to explain what the Darkness is, or why the collection of various alien races want to destroy humanity. Don’t go in thinking you’ll learn about alien cultures and societies like in a Mass Effect or Halo. The only thing players know about the various enemies that they killed a thousand times over is that they were very adamant about killing them and protecting their infinite number of computer consoles haphazardly placed in ancient ruins and underground caves.
If Destiny had to be summed up with one word, it would be “repetitive.” The story missions, which already suffered greatly due to their painfully boring design, fail to do anything but get you from Point A to Point B. Each mission has you running to an area; finding an ancient computer of some kind and having your little floating Dinklebot (Peter Dinklage) uncover some information or technology that is never explained outside of the fact that is needed to complete the next mission.
Looking at Destiny, it’s abundantly obvious that that the game has significant production values. With beautiful environments and a truly inspiring score, Destiny presents itself as giant universe ripe for exploration. The painful reality is that it’s anything but. Destiny tries to be so many things at once, and with the exception of a well-designed shooting mechanic, it fails to achieve what so many other games have done so much better. In the end, Destiny’s repetitive nature, abysmal storytelling and lack of content make it a barely adequate first person shooter. Anyone expecting something special from Bungie, the studio that revolutionized first person shooters on consoles, will be sorely disappointed with this poor excuse of a game.
What about you reader? What were your most notable disappointments in gaming last year? Let us know in the comments below and be sure to assign the awards to the games most deserving of your ire.
As 2014 closed out, I had trouble creating a list of the best matches of 2014. This past year featured a notable spike in the ring work from all of the major promotions, foreign and domestic. There were hundreds of potential candidates that I had to review.
The booking, the chemistry and ring psychology and the believability of the feud, not to mention the quality of the ring work, all factored into my decision. These are the finalists that I was compelled to select.
10.) The Wolves vs. The Hardys vs. Team 3D (Ladder match for the TNA Tag Team Championships; TNA No Surrender 09/17/14): This third match in a Tag Title series saw these three teams leave it all on the mat. Though lacking the charisma of a team like Edge & Christian, the Wolves proved that in a match, they can hang with the Hardys and 3D, masters of the brutality that these types of matches lend themselves to. There were a few solid ladder matches in 2014, but none as hard hitting, innovative and exciting as this match.
9.) Ryback, Big Show, Erick Rowan, Dolph Ziggler & John Cena vs. Rusev, Kane, Mark Henry, Luke Harper & Seth Rollins (Cena’s teammates employment vs. the Authority remaining in power; WWE Survivor Series 11/23/2014): It’d be easy to mark out over how WWE finally gave the chance for Dolph Ziggler to steal the show and win the big one (instead of John Cena). It’d be predictable to comment on how exciting it was to see the iconic Sting show up to prevent the Authority from interfering in the match. I could go on to praise how the older veterans like Mark Henry and Cena were willing to let the younger guys own that match. But the thing that made this match so good is the fact that for the first time in very long time, the 5-on-5 elimination tag match this year actually had importance.
8.) ACH, Nick Jackson & Matt Jackson vs. Kazarian, Christopher Daniels & Cedric Alexander (ROH Final Battle 12/07/2014 ): There were so many amazing spots during this match that I could barely keep up. A few of those planchas and suicide dives out of the rings actually made me bite my nails. These are six of the hardest workers in the company and with performances like this one at Final Battle, I’m sure main event pushes and/or World championships are in store for all involved.
7.) Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte (Women’s Championship match; NXT Takeover R Evolution 12/11/2014): This feud has been one of the primary reasons why I thoroughly enjoy NXT more than any other WWE programming. Flair and Banks showed their great technical prowess, but more so than most of the matches on this list, the ring psychology was astounding. It is a testament to two ring workers’ chemistry that they can have this many matches and none of them have felt stale. I yearn for both of these women to get called up to the main Raw/SmackDown roster and continue this feud on a grander stage.
6.) Minoru Suzuki vs. A.J. Styles (NJPW G1 Climax 24 – Day 7 08/01/2014): I am not a fan of interference by factions during big matches at even bigger pay-per-view/special events. But the usage of the Bullet Club and Suzuki-Gun were both kept to a minimum. I am thankful for this as these two men put on one of the best technical matches I’ve seen in quite some time. This is a feud that hopefully transcends promotions and I’d like to see this spill over into Ring of Honor or even TNA if possible.
5.) Gail Kim vs. Havoc (Knockouts Championship match; TNA Impact Wrestling 05/11/2014): This championship bout was a better David vs. Goliath match than the majority of the Daniel Bryan vs. Kane matches. There, I said it. That bump on the stairs alone could have done permanent damage to Gail’s face. These two athletes put each other through hell and these two women are only but two reasons that TNA Wrestling has had better women’s wrestling than Raw or SmackDown for nearly a decade.
4.) Kyle O’Reilly & Bobby Fish vs. Matt Jackson & Nick Jackson (Best 2 out of 3 falls for the ROH World Tag Team Championships; ROH All Star Extravaganza VI 09/06/2014): My favorite tag team in wrestling right now up against a team that’s so good that they made it on my list twice. These teams brought some of the most innovative moves I’ve EVER seen in a tag team match. The Young Bucks throwing Fish into his partner, then using their signature super kicks into O’Reilly’s legs, causing him to do a tombstone piledriver to his own partner made me scream “holy $#!^ right along with the crowd in attendance.
3.) Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper & Erick Rowan (WWE Monday Night Raw 03/03/2014): This match had more build up and more fan anticipation than nearly any match of 2014. These six men delivered in spades. There are some that would put their first match at Elimination Chamber over this one. I implore them to watch again. This is the match where we saw Roman Reigns develop his ring psychology. This is the match that planted the seeds of Seth Rollins leaving The Shield. This is the match that showed me that Luke Harper and Erick Rowan SHOULD HAVE been multi-time tag team champions. This main event was a solid match from beginning to brutal end and gave us something that we haven’t seen from WWE in quite some time, warring factions.
2.) Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Katsuyori Shibata (NJPW Destruction in Kobe ’14): This bout barely got edged out as my favorite match of the year. There was a palpable tension in the build up towards the match. Both men showed impressive technical prowess, high-flying and even brawled outside the ring. These performers threw everything at each other except for the kitchen sink. I became concerned at a certain point because of Shibata’s forearm and elbow strikes looking so devastatingly real. But let’s face it, these guys can make an arm drag look devastating. It ran just long enough to give the match time to breathe, but not so much so that it dragged. This was one of the most perfectly paced matches of this entire event and of the year.
1.) Sami Zayn vs. Adrian Neville (NXT Championship; NXT Takeover: R Evolution 12/11/2014): There’s taking it to the next level, then there’s beyond. That’s where Zayn and Neville took it at NXT Takeover: R Evolution. A feeling of uncertainty pervaded me. I honestly didn’t believe these men could live up to their prior performances in the ring against each other. This feeling dissipated within the first three minutes of the match. The spot where Zayn dove into the ring through the bottom and middle ropes, flew out of the perpendicular side of the ring and did a Tornado DDT to Neville pretty much solidified this as match of the year and the match wasn’t even done yet. Zayn finally winning the prize that has eluded him for so long, the NXT Championship, gave this match all the gravitas necessary to solidify it as the best match of 2014.
Though the televised wrestling programs week to week might not always be up to par, this past year has given us quite a few exhilarating matches. Do you agree with this list? What are some others that you feel deserve to be there?
Tonight tonight tonight!
Boy O Bowl, there’s gonna be a big game tonight! The guys from Inside the Locker will be hosting a live commentary for the BCS national title game starting at 7:30pm CST!
Join us as we crack wise and break down the big plays for the most anticipated college game of the year…of last year…being played this year…NEVERMIND!
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Extreme Pain! Sports Flicks! Teen Tunes! A ball of a time with Public Axis and guests Joey McCormick and Jay Whitecotton!
Recorded at the Public Axis F-Stop on January 8th, 2015.
00:00 Welcome to the F-Stop! This week, we welcome comedians Joey McCormick and (frequent flier) Jay Whitecotton hot off a night of stand-up. Regan returns from a blitzkrieg vacation with a mess load of foreign snacks, oddly named in our American eyes. Inappropriate nonsense ensues.
24:59 Yeah, Imma Look Into Dat! Topic #1: What is the most painful think you’ve ever had to endure? Inspired by the Japanese film about a secret S&M club, R100.
55:55 Dad’s Corner(ed)! Topic #2: What is your favorite and least favorite sports movie?
1:26:05 Hey, That’s Not Funny! Topic #3: What is the quintessential song that reminds you of being a teenager? Inspired by this study on why music we hear sticks.
1:53:29 What Did We Come to Know? Public Axis is an educational program and at the end, we always ask our guests and listeners, “What did you come to know?” Enlighten yourself.
Let your friends know about Public Axis on Facebook and Twitter and keep those Facebook comments coming at our Happy Campers group!