Oscar Snubs! Valentine Destruction! Meals on Wheels! A hot and steamy delivery from Public Axis and guests Catherine and Matthew Contreras!
Recorded at the Public Axis F-Stop on February 18th, 2016.
AND…AMAZING NEWS! We reached our fundraising goal! Thanks to everyone who donated and/or shared our cause! And of course, massive thanks to everyone part of the One of Us Net, contributor and listener alike! We’re pleased as punch to be part of your breakfast routine! (?!?)
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With a depleted roster that has been plagued with injuries, World Wrestling Entertainment has had to work overtime to make sure that this year’s WrestleMania is the hit that they’re banking on it to be. Fastlane is the final pay-per-view event before WrestleMania, so any hopes of selling out AT&T Stadium and filling it with over 100,000 fans rests on this event delivering the goods.
SASHA BANKS & BECKY LYNCH vs. NAOMI & TAMINA: We rarely get to see women’s tag team matches on WWE pay-per-views, so given the level of talent in the ring and the weeks of buildup, I was expecting a match of the week contender. It didn’t appear that way at first as, despite a few high spots, suicide dives, etc, this looked like a match that could have been on SmackDown. But Sasha Banks put on a wrestling clinic towards the middle of the match, with several well timed reversals that would make Bret Hart proud. Slipping out of a double suplex, Sasha set up Becky to catch both women with a dropkick. Sasha caught Tamina with a head scissors takedown into her submission move, the Bank Statement. Naomi tried to make the save, but Becky Lynch delivered her submission, the Disarmer. Caught in the middle of the ring, there was only one conclusion to this match. Hopefully this sets up Becky to not be written to look so weak and sets up Sasha for a Diva’s title match. WINNERS: SASHA BANKS & BECKY LYNCH.
DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. KEVIN OWENS (Intercontinental Championship): My complaint about the heels in WWE not acting like true heels most assuredly does not apply to Kevin Owens. In the opening seconds of the match, the referee tried to separate the opponents who were locked up on the top rope and Owens delivered a vicious head butt, which disoriented Ziggler for several minutes. Ziggler tried to build momentum, delivering possibly the best dropkick in the business, but Owens hurled Ziggler, throat first, into the turnbuckle. This match had solid ring psychology, great pacing and didn’t turn into a bunch of high spots. The DDT spot that Ziggler does is a bit too high impact for my liking and every time he delivers it, I fear for neck injuries or concussions to the recipient. Both men unleashed a barrage of super kicks to each other, with Ziggler shortly after reversing a power bomb on the steel stairs into a hurrincarana, launching Owens into the steel. Owens was able to recover from a Fameasser quickly enough to deliver his Pop up Power bomb and get the pin. WINNER: KEVIN OWENS
THE WYATT FAMILY vs. BIG SHOW, KANE & RYBACK: I have had misgivings in the past with Bray Wyatt’s booking, as he was not being protected enough as a top heel of an elite faction. Thankfully, this match had his three minions doing his dirty work. Luke Harper is as total package of a menacing heel as one can be and Erick Rowan is damn near as good. Both men know how to dominate, but also how to sell to bigger and stronger opponents. Rowan sold Big Show’s slap to the chest superbly. Kane seems to be able to move around in the ring as well as he did when he debuted nearly 20 years ago. Braun Strowman appears to still be finding his footing, which is disturbing, given the rumors floating around about him getting a singles match at WrestleMania. Hopefully, more ring time between now and then can polish him and help get his timing down a bit better. Rowan possibly injured his knee as he came off of the top rope to stop a pin fall. Ryback came into the ring to clean house, but may have injured Luke Harper’s shoulder while delivering his finishing move, Shell Shock. It would be to the benefit of the Wyatt Family to not lose that often, but with the three opponents they went against, this is a justified
exception. WINNERS: BIG SHOW, KANE AND RYBACK
BRIE BELLA vs. CHARLOTTE (Divas Championship): This feud has felt a bit slapped together at the last second (highly likely to capitalize on the emotion from the retirement of Brie’s husband, Daniel Bryan). However, with a competitor like Charlotte, she is able to take these eleventh hour lemons and make lemonade. They took to the mat early with some pretty impressive back and forth technical wrestling. An impressive arm drag takedown by Brie was followed up by her mocking Charlotte’s manager and father, Nature Boy Ric Flair. Charlotte turned up the intensity and proceeded to inflict serious damage to Brie’s neck and back. Brie mounted a comeback, delivering a forearm shot that nearly knocked Charlotte out. While delivering a top rope dropkick, Brie tweaked her knee. But Brie fought on and attempted a single leg crab submission. Charlotte got out of it and applied the Figure Eight Leg Lock and cemented her victory. WINNER: CHARLOTTE
A.J. STYLES vs. CHRIS JERICHO: The previous two matches between these men were nothing short of amazing, so the rubber match had to take it to the next level. Booking/creative wisely had the match start off like a chess match, accentuating the fact that these men are now familiar with each others’ styles. A.J. went from the ground game to the air with a spectacular dive bomb over the top rope which Jericho scouted, catching Styles with a dropkick. They went hold for hold, strike for strike and high spot for high spot. Their similar styles are making for a great feud. Styles went for his flying forearm strike from the apron, but Jericho had it scouted and he did a second rope dropkick, taking out A.J.’s leg and almost causing Styles to knock himself out by landing face first on the mat. Jericho put Styles in the Lion Tamer several times, but Styles fought out. Styles hit Jericho with the Styles Clash, but Jericho kicked out. A.J. was finally able to lock in his submission, the Calf Crusher, and make Jericho tap out. WINNER: A.J. STYLES
R-TRUTH vs. CURTIS AXEL: For the life of me, I cannot understand why the U.S. Championship match between Alberto Del Rio and Kalisto was on the pre-show, yet this match somehow made it to the main show. The Social Outcasts are this generation’s version of the J.O.B. Squad, so them even getting this kind of screen time is questionable. Each time Truth tried to get his offense going, Social Outcast members Adam Rose, Bo Dallas and Heath Slater did their best to cause a distraction. Goldust came out to help even the odds. The two competitors would have been more than capable of having a solid match. But the fact that this only even occurred to push the brewing Goldust/R-Truth partnership made it a waste of a match and one that could have easily happened on Raw or SmackDown. WINNER: CURTIS AXEL.
DEAN AMBROSE vs. ROMAN REIGNS vs. BROCK LESNAR (Number One Contenders’ match for WWE World Heavyweight Championship): This match played out nearly exactly as I predicted, with Ambrose and Reigns both trying to attack Lesnar in the early going, but Brock taking the men to Suplex City. Ambrose broke up a pin fall by Lesnar, then slapped Brock in the face, further pushing how truly nuts Ambrose is. Lesnar attempted to deliver the F-5 to Ambrose, but Reigns caught him with a spear and nearly pinned Brock. Reigns and Ambrose then teamed up to power bomb Lesnar through the announcers’ table, keeping the Beast down for several minutes. Ambrose and Reigns then went back and forth, the crowd clearly not behind Reigns in any way, shape or form. Brock rebounded, but Reigns and Ambrose then power bombed him through a second announcers’ table and buried him beneath the debris and equipment from the destroyed table for good measure. The two remaining competitors fought on, with Reigns nailing Ambrose with a Superman Punch. Reigns attempted a Samoan Drop on Ambrose, but Lesnar darted back into the ring and did a German Suplex, launching both men. Lesnar locked the Kimura Lock on Reigns, nearly making him tap out. Ambrose then wailed on both men with a steel chair. Reigns regained his balance and got off the spear and pin on Ambrose. WINNER: ROMAN REIGNS
Not the worst WWE event I’ve seen, but the majority of these matches did not feel pay-per-view worthy and could have been on one of the weekly shows. Do you feel that this event was enough incentive to get fans not already subscribing to the WWE Network, to do so for WrestleMania? Or better yet, do you think this will encourage fans to buy tickets for WrestleMania if they haven’t done so already?
The heat is on as the players, already wounded and tired, get their souls clawed a bit, Beau gets old, Count Strahd comes at them directly…and then promptly is schooled in regret by facefulls of fire. Join Windy, Chris, Beau, Joe and Randy as they tour through guest DM Sam’s control of the classic D&D adventure, Ravenloft.
Do you want to play Ravenloftfor yourself? Here’s what you’re gonna need. If you live in the Austin area, you can pick it up at Rogue’s Gallery Comics and Games in Round Rock Texas (and you might even get to meet Randy while you’re there). If you don’t live near there, please buy it through our handy-dandy link below…
0:00 – Greetings! We talk about our new TVs and Eric’s new sleep apparatus
9:45 – Race review
21:45 – Risen opens this week but wasn’t screened in Portland; The Witch was screened, but scheduled against something else; why don’t distributors like Portland anymore?
23:15 – The Witch review (repeat from Fantastic Fest)
28:20 – Eric is at the Oxford (Miss.) Film Festival this weekend
31:30 – It’s almost Oscar time! Here’s how to play Oscar Bowling
37:15 – A new Question of the Week! @MovieBS on Twitter is also discussed
42:30 – Hey, What’d You Watch? (“Horace and Pete”)
47:05 – A round of Character Casserole (House of Wax, Pinocchio, Star Wars: The Force Awakens)
55:25 – Recap and goodbye
QOTW: What quote from a movie do you use most regularly in everyday speech?
REVIEWS: Race: B- 5/10 The Witch: B+ 6/10
This week Steve and Wes discuss Steve’s new PC, Deadpool (vague spoilers 17:50 – 28:40), Wes being sick last week, and our Top 5 Properties to Turn Into Miniseries! Enjoy!
What are your Top 5 Properties to Turn Into Miniseries? Let us know! Leave a comment or e-mail us at fiveplaynet@gmail.com!
Ever since I landed this gig, I’ve wanted to do this list. To give the backstabbing, double and triple crossing dishonest as the day is long weasels we love to hate their time to shine (and then stab me in the back and steal my wallet when I’m not looking). With a scheme in their crooked hearts and a few tricks firmly entrenched up their sleeves, we enjoy watching these slimy no-goodniks lie, cheat, and steal to survive. So without further ado, let’s get on with this celebration of our worst!
5. Grima Wormtongue
“Why do you lay these troubles on an already troubled mind?”
You might be wondering why ol’ Wormtongue is making the list over the much more well known weasely Lord of the Rings character Gollum. While Gollum is a much more dynamic and interesting character, Wormtongue more purely exemplifies all the traits we think of when we think of a weasely person. He’s the textbook definition of a weasely character, a sniveling, slimy toadie whose very words are poison in King Théoden’s ears. What makes this punk snake in the grass beat out all of Tolkien’s other creations is the very same reason that he ranks at the bottom of this list. Sure he’s a total weasel through an through, but that’s all he is. He has nothing more to offer the audience than being a weasel, and while that gets him a seat at the table it doesn’t net him anything higher than the number five spot.
4. Alfred Bester
“Reports of our depression are vastly exaggerated.”
Nothing is more dangerous than giving power and authority to a weasely zealot with a righteous (to him at least) cause. Meet one Alfred Bester, psychic douche-bag with a badge. In the Babylon 5 universe Bester is a member of the Psi Corps, an institution that on the surface was created to help guide and train telepaths once humanity started to develop psychic abilities but in reality is a fascist state within a state (some might even go so far as to say cult) which has slowly been amassing power so they can control humanity from the shadows and conduct forced couplings and consensual as well as non-consensual human experimentation to breed even stronger telepaths. Oh, and they see non-telepaths as subhuman, which is a nice touch.
As a Psi Cop tasked with hunting down rogue telepaths Bester has to make it appear on the surface that whatever he’s doing is in service of all humanity while he manipulates everyone and everything to get at his true objectives. The Babylon 5 crew know he’s the worst kind of scum, but are limited in when and how they can oppose him as he is a legitimate government sanctioned authority figure. And so our little schemer schemes believing that whatever horrible actions he commits are okay as it is all for his beloved Corps. Many people consider Chekov to be Walter Koenig’s defining role, but for me it will always be his turn at the monstrous Bester.
3. Revolver Ocelot (Adamska)
“You’re pretty good.”
The Metal Gear series is so full of plots within plots that even the people who are into the series still need a reference guide to decipher it all. Still, no matter how wacky or convoluted the series gets, one person is always at the core of what is going on, and that man is Revolver Ocelot. Ever since his introduction in Metal Gear Solid,this fan favorite weasel has been double, triple, and even quadruple crossing everyone to meet his objectives. A crack shot well skilled in the arts of combat and *ahem* “advanced interrogation techniques,” Ocelot is one of the most dangerous people on the planet, but what has given the character his prominence and longevity is the fact that he’s such a scheming weasel.
With so much mystery surrounding the characters, there is still debate among fans in regard to Ocelot’s true nature and role in the series. Some see him as the series’ greatest villain, others claim, that while severely flawed, Ocelot is the true hero of the piece, and then there are the rest who place him all over the moral spectrum. Even in situations where he has been an ally, you can never take him entirely at his word or turn your back to him for very long. The only truth about the man called Ocelot is that he was a great shot, and that when he committed himself to a goal, he was willing to take whatever steps he deemed necessary, regardless of right or wrong, to see it done. Whenever you see Ocelot, you can rest assured that things are going to get more complicated.
2. Mr. McMahon
The world of professional wrestling (or sports entertainment if you want to be all fancy) has had some of the greatest heroic and villainous characters across the generations, but across all that history, one heel stands above them all. WWE’s uber-rich, yet morally bankrupt, Mr. McMahon.
The character of Mr. McMahon began to take form in the fallout of the infamous Montreal Screwjob (yes, that’s really what it’s called, go look it up), where Bret Hart lost the championship belt to Shaun Michaels in a case of staged, as well as real life shenanigans. Other people would opt to duck and cover and wait for the fervor to dial down, but crafty ol’ Vinny Mac surprised us all by turning towards the fire instead of away from it. If the wrestling world saw him as a villain then that is what they were going to get and his on camera persona began to bully and intimidate the superstars to get them to fall in line.
However, Mr. McMahon, as we understand him today, didn’t fully form until his legendary rivalry with Stone Cold Steve Austin. McMahon became an evil puppet master, creating ploys and plots to to screw over and humiliate any wrestler that pissed him off. He wouldn’t fire people, even where he had clear ground to, because he had to break you and make you a fool first. Only after he could declare himself the victor would he kayfabe can somebody.
The real Vincent Kennedy McMahon might not be known for having all that many scruples, but the Mr. McMahon character is a power-mad weasel, willing to screw over friend, foe, and even family to make his dark desires come true. Don’t cross the boss.
1. Starscream
“Where is your courage, Megatron?”
What does it say about a character that is such a weasel that he outranks a real person who has done several real life questionable things? I tried every reason I could think of not to just hand Starscream the top spot, as I thought it might be a little too obvious and easy, but this Decpeticon Seeker would not be denied.
Megatron’s second in command is one of the most popular characters in all of Transformers, and had been featured in heavily in comics, movies,videos games and television shows. No matter which version of the character we get, be it a serious or clownish interpretation, Starscream remains a lying, backstabbing, sack of garbage.
My favorite Decepticon is the Lord High Regent of all Weasels, unshakably vile, corrupt, and relentless in his ambition and pursuit of personal glory. With countless versions across multiple media, we will always stop to watch Starscream try and lie, cheat, and steal his way to the top.
Deadpool is a runaway success. That’s a weird sentence to hear, isn’t it? If one had told me in 2009 – a comic book novice at the time turned rather casual comic book peruser of today – that the guy without a mouth Ryan Reynolds played in X-Men Origins: Wolverine would not only get his own movie, but that it would be R-Rated, quite funny and extremely successful at the box office, I’d obviously be puzzled. Then again, May of 2009 was a time on the cusp of evolution in terms of something nearly long forgotten: R-rated blockbusters. Much of my childhood was dominated by the new millennium emphasis on PG-13 blockbusters, primarily in the superhero genre. Now, the few R-rated blockbusters we’ve been getting lately are either military centered dramas that emphasize on the brutality of the violence or Judd Apatow style comedies that lay the weed & dick jokes (and actual showing of said dicks and weed) on thick.
Deadpool lies somewhere in the middle, emphasizing the dick jokes and violence with equal measure without ever forgetting an overall sense of fun. In the last few days, articles have been pouring in about the success of Deadpool, mainly within the context of how it will change the superhero genre and remove it from those predictable smoothed edges. It’s a worthy perspective to discuss, especially given a year where we’re seeing five more high profile superhero themed productions come in with more traditional sensibilities. But Deadpool has larger ramifications than merely seeing the first R-rated superhero film since Wesley Snipes killed vampires while screaming “motherfucker” in the Blade series. With it’s record obliterating $150 million opening weekend, Deadpool also has the potential to resurrect the long thought rare concept of R-rated blockbusters outside of the genre. Of course, this wasn’t always the case. The 70s New Age of Hollywood brought us plenty of darker brooding cash cows like The Godfather films or Saturday Night Fever. Those films captured the zeitgeist of the time, whether it be through The Godfather‘s themes of behind the curtain machinations that mirrored America’s own distrust of its own Vietnam era government or Saturday Night Fever’s evocative encapsulation of the then popular disco scene.
Completely off topic: could we get a Disco Deadpool? Maybe team him up with Dazzler?
But Deadpool‘s humorously unheroic actions don’t resemble films of that era as much as it does the R-rated comedy action films of the 1980s, namely one of the biggest: Beverly Hills Cop. The Eddie Murphy vehicle remains the sixth highest grossing R-rated film of all time and was a complete accident, given its inception as a Sylvester Stallone no-nonsense actioner. But the formula of inserting the subversive comedic persona of Murphy’s Axel Foley into a traditional action structure worked incredibly well before evolving into the Lethal Weapon franchise’s own mega success twist on the same genre that became a cliche in of itself. In this case, the subversion of the traditional stoic character that felt left over from many a Dirty Harry knock off was what people strongly responded to and came out in droves for. Eventually, Deadpool took the same tact by putting an extremely subversive character within a traditional superhero origin story, paying off massively for FOX.
Even after what they pulled last time with the character.
Still, even if Deadpool resembles something more in line with the sillier R-rated blockbusters of before, could we see more risky R-rated films being given the big treatment thanks to its success? James Gunn recently posted a lengthy response to what he felt Hollywood would incorrectly take from Deadpool, that instead of allowing filmmakers with voices to play in their own sandbox they’d “just be copying what came before them” in the same way that other upcoming films were trying to meekly copy the formula of Guardians (I’m looking at you, Suicide Squad). I think he’s on the nose with all of this, especially since this has occurred consistently with recent successful R-rated films. In the wake of The Hangover becoming the highest grossing R-rated comedy of all time, we got many a glut of set piece driven raunchy comedies in a similar vain like Ted or Horrible Bosses. Thus in addition to the possibility of R-rated superhero films, we could be gearing up for a series of self aware comedy actioners. But that’s not a type of schtick that can consistently work. After all, that same line of logic got us plenty of terrible Die Hard rip offs in the 1990s. I’m not into the idea of “Deadpool in a _____.”
Deadpool in a Die Hard sounds like fun, though.
No, I think the lesson from Deadpool is simply that R-rated films can be worth the investment. That the more hard edged content isn’t inaccessible. Horror films have slowly been proving this, with James Wan’s The Conjuring and many a Blumhouse production showing that people will go to non-PG-13 low budget horror films. Yet, there’s also a danger of going too far with the lack of boundaries to being inappropriately harsh for an individual story. Deadpool‘s success could easily backfire into something like the current DC Extended Universe of films going too far with characters who don’t need that R-rated edge. That being said, the upcoming Ben Affleckdirected Batman solo project could easily benefit from that push if it’s more of a Gotham crime story. The same could be said for other genre fare that’s been shackled by the PG-13 rating, particularly all of the bloodless action schlock that’s limited the chances of films like The Raid or even Dredd.
Hopefully, this can also lead into a sort of modern slant on the Hollywood New Age, where we get studios more willing to take chances on lower budget films that don’t pull punches on modern issues. Sure, Deadpool is essentially an R-rated cartoon delving out vulgarities, but the same hype and low budget model can be applied to a more serious hard edged film. If anything, Deadpool shows a lack of interest from modern audiences in the status quo that can be exploited by the studio system even by far more serious avenues. There’s even a recent precedent for this, given a disturbed thriller about the state of modern journalism like Nightcrawler can capture people’s attention enough to make roughly four times its meager budget. Now with Deadpool‘s success, more films with blunt social messages and mature themes can come sliding in between larger vulgar films along the way. With Deadpool, the doors are open for whatever R-rated edges could come, both big and small in scope. Who knew that a character known for chimichangas and pop cultures references could open doors for serious topics… you know, aside from testicular cancer?
Richard and Marco make their way through a weird assortment of titles this week verging from Oscar bait to horror movies you wouldn’t want your worst enemy to have to sit through. I’m not naming names; that’s Richard and Marco’s job. But I will tell you that the giveaway this week, Estranged, wasn’t even on any of our radar, and it also ended up being both of their Pick of the Week to boot, so time for new discoveries kids!
Get strapped in for an eighties classic! Classic being a loose use of the word, although some would strongly disagree here (Richard, who was SHOCKED that Chris didn’t think this was a masterpiece).
Chris gets roped into sitting down for a commentary on Walter Hill’s Rock and Roll Fable “Streets of Fire” by Joe and Harris, who do in fact have a deep and abiding (nostalgic) love for this movie. Chris, who barely remembers the film from it’s initial release, is not so impressed upon his second viewing and isn’t shy about expressing these views. Altogether, it makes for some hilarity. Why don’t you sit down and watch this movie with us? It’s more fun that way.
If you’re a Time Lord or above subscriber you can watch along with us. Just download the MP3 from your subscriber lounge in the forums, sync it up with the movie as per the instructions in the beginning of the podcast, and hopefully have just as much fun listening as we did recording this one.
Although we gave you a bit of a review for this atmospheric horror film that everyone is talking about back during Fantastic Fest last year, the whole gang showed up to talk about it this time. Was it just because the Satanic Church held a ritual after the film at the screening they attended? No, it’s because The Witch is one of the most interesting horror films to come along in some time. Witch (lol) is to say, it’s still not for everyone.
The story follows a puritan family in New England from the early settler days who’ve been kicked out of their own puritan group for some mild deviation of belief and find themselves having to make a go for it on their own out in the woods. As it turns out, bad idea. The newborn of the family disappears and suspicions rise…is the teenaged girl of the family practicing witchcraft? Of course, it’s all more complicated than it sounds, at least subtextually, and our reviewers (Chris, JC, Kat, Sarah, Richard and Herman) delve deep into said complexities while reminding you…goats are evil, m’kay.
