Theme parks are such an interesting phenomenon. It’s a place to celebrate culture and technology, as well as, you know, cashing in on the the novelty value of properties. But hey, that doesn’t mean business can’t be fun right? Well that’s the idea behind Lionsgate Studio’s pushing a Hunger Games theme park.
“What’s that? The Hunger Games made what kind of money?! Well shit! Let’s turn that in to a theme park! That’s the next logical step to take right?”
Alas, this idea doesn’t sound too great on paper. There’s nothing about The Hunger Games that screams the happiest place on earth. Although, if they were going to take this route, we have made a list of demands that you could see here if you haven’t read it already.
Despite that list, we’re still confused as to why this Hungry Theme Park would even be a thing. Then we got to thinking… What other franchises would make BAD-ASS theme parks? So as a sequel to our previous article, we shall call this one Theme Parks 2: The Theme Parkening!
This one is so obvious, that we’re almost embarrassed to even mention this on the list. I mean come on! There is such a vast universe here that is BEGGING to be made in to a theme park. You could have the Donkey Kong Konga River Ride, and sit in a barrel that goes through the rapids and madness of the Donkey Kong Country. Instead of the Disney signature castle, they could have the Hyrule Castle, and at the top, have Ganondorf at the top holding the princes like King Kong. What about having a Mario-Kart ride?! And go through the psychedelic ‘Rainbow Road’ race track! Of course, you could just take massive amounts of LSD and go-karting…
I don’t know about you, but we here at One of Us sometimes like to ride the crazy train. Whether it’s long hours of recording and editing, or sitting at our keyboards staring in to the void of the abyss that is an empty shot glass, sometimes we begin twitch and laugh. Sure, Joker’s Funland would be probably a bit creepy, but sometimes creepy and crazy can be fun! All the staff members could dress up like the Joker’s goons, and in each ride, it would be set up as the Joker trying to kill you with demented carnival games. At the end of each ride, we hear him say some snarky remark of how disappointed he is that you’re still alive.
Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs
If you watched any of the Cloudy films, you would know how wildly creative they are. Not just on a story level, but especially on a visual level. Spaghetti tornadoes, pizza jets, and ice cream winter wonderlands, there is no shortage of material to work with. There is so much potential here to do parodies of other franchises using food also. Like Jurassic Park where we could ride Steakosauruses or flying carrotdactyls! We could also travel to outer space via spaaaaaaaace chiiiiips! If you need to get there fast, you can ride the coffee espresso train! And you know those spinning swing rides? Yeah, the top of the carousel could be a giant meatball, and the swings could be noodles. Of course, these are just our pastalation, as to what a park like this would be like.
This one is a bit tricky, only because this game is very under appreciated. Those of you who don’t know, Brutal Legends is a game that stars Jack Black as our tenacious guitar wielding character, that serves as a hellish love letter to everything righteous and freakin’ metal! Granted, this one would be a bit niche, but you know what? We want a theme park geared towards adults, and the universe created in Brutal Legends would be pretty sick. Stumbling drunkenly through the desolate plains of Beerhenge, or riding a highspeed death trap entitled the ‘Thunderhorn’, this place would be filled with hellish twisted metal architecture. Icing on the cake would be Ozzy Osbourne as the park’s announcer. That would seriously melt some face.
This is the number one thing that baffles us the most, as to how this isn’t even a thing already. Sure, there is a Studio Ghibli museum, but there isn’t a full on THEME PARK dedicated to this body of work. Hayao Miyazaki has been hailed as the Walt Disney of Japan, so why isn’t there a Miyazaki Land? The characters he has created has become so iconic in both American and Japanese culture, and the novelty they have acquired is just as much as anything Disney has created. I mean come on! A Howl’s Moving Caslte ride is a given. Or have a spa and buffet place like in Spirited Away. Perhaps we could have a Cat Bus Rollercoaster? Or a Ponyo deep sea thrill ride! Or a Kiki’s Delivery Service big flight adventure done in the same vein as Star Tours, in that motion simulator ride style. Somebody stop us! Or else we’ll keep going!
So now we’ll leave it up to you fellow OOUies. What are your theme park ideas? Whatever they are, comment below and let One of Us know! Also, if you haven’t already (which if you haven’t WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!) check out our Audio drama by clicking the picture below… in spaaaaaaaaace!