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SKELETONS IN THE CLOSET MOVIE REVIEW
There’s nothing worse than wasted talent on a dumb movie. Case and point; the movie Skeletons in the Closet, now streaming on Shudder… It’s just bad. Not “good/bad” or “haha funny bad.” It’s just bad. Mark (Terrence Howard) and his wife Valentina (Valery M. Ortiz) are in trouble. They have serious financial problems and Mark just got fired. And their daughter has brain cancer and they need 50 grand for surgery. Out of desperation, Mark turns to his brother Andres (Cuba Gooding Jr.) for financial help and it’s not gonna come from a legit or safe place. Also there’s a ghost or something, a fortune teller (Sally Kirkman) predicting doom, and more stuff from movies that don’t feel like they belong together. T.C. put it best in that it feels like two movies. It’s unfocused, tone deaf to its own universe, has terrible vfx, and less than stellar camera work. If you decide to watch it, let us know your thoughts in the comments. Lewayne, T.C., and Chad had to hire a fortune teller so they could know if they’ll ever be able to erase this movie from their brains…
DIRECTED BY: Asif Akbar
STARRING: Terrence Howard, Cuba Gooding Jr., Clifton Powell, Valery M. Ortiz, Udo Kier, Sally Kirkland, Louis Mandylor
YOUR REVIEWERS
Chad Halvorsen (Screener Squad)
Chad Halvorsen currently resides in Milwaukee, WI, where he produces and edits commercials, films, and everything in between. He was always a fan of film/television growing up, spending days in the Summer, making (terrible) home movies with his brothers. Little did he know that passion would carry on into adulthood. Since 2006, Chad has worked for several agencies in various departments. Shooting, producing, editing, production management, directing, and when forced to, writing copy. In 2015, Chad decided to take the big leap and become a freelancer. Since then, he’s produced content for Lyft, AT&T, Target, and Discovery Network. His passion lies in entertaining people, making them feel better, even for a moment. All the pain and suffering of this business is worth it, if even just one person views his work. Chad is a frequent podcaster, most notably posing as a co-host for the podcast “The Film Illogical Society.”
T.C. De Witt (Screener Squad)
T.C. De Witt is a multi-awarded writer/director originally from Wisconsin and now based in Los Angeles. His life has been devoted to the arts since he was a child. He’s been a stage performer, playwright, stand-up comic, film and television actor, radio DJ, podcaster published author, recorded musician, and comic writer/illustrator. He is now a professional screenwriter and has been thriving for the past decade, regularly offering his talents to production studios in LA, Chicago, Milwaukee, and internationally in Sydney and Poland. He’s provided content for Amazon Prime, Netflix, and several YouTube partners. His films have screened internationally, and his stageplays have been performed across the country. In the last ten years, he has directed 57 films, 23 episodes of his series The One Minute Rewatch, 300+ episodes of podcasts, and his multi-award-winning short film Screen: Righter screened at the Festival de Cannes in 2016. He has released two feature films, The Princess Knight and A Christmas Sunset. He thrives on collaboration and the thrill of sharing stories in all forms.
Lewayne White (Screener Squad)
Lewayne’s earliest memories are of watching movies and reading comics, which instilled in him a sense of wonder, a vivid imagination, and unrealistic expectations. It also means he spends a lot of time watching movies, writing scripts for them, and trying to get them made. He lives in the middle of middle America after landing there as a child, and has remained there mainly because he hates packing.
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