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HAUNTED MANSION MOVIE REVIEW
Emboldened by the huge success of Pirates of the Caribbean, Disney has been determined to get a big franchise out of one of their other most classic and beloved attractions at the theme parks, The Haunted Mansion. The first attempt in 2003 with Eddie Murphy did not go so well, to say the least (14% on Rotten Tomatoes). The 2021 Disney Halloween TV special, Muppets Haunted Mansion was generally well thought of, if not exactly the beginning of a huge intellectual property. So now we come to the ‘the’-excised Haunted Mansion and honestly, we went into this rooting for it to succeed. Well, most of us except old man Marco, who runs the haunted amusement park and would have gotten away with it too if not for Chris, Spider-Mike, and Frank. The story follows Gabbie (Rosario Dawson) and her son Travis who have bought the titular mansion only to immediately realize that it is 100% NOPE and they take off. Unfortunately, the house doesn’t want anyone who crosses its threshold to leave and so they find themselves stuck there, tormented by its seemingly endless supply of troublemaking and sometimes deadly spirits. In a quest for a solution, they end up with a priest (Owen Wilson), a psychic (Tiffany Haddish), a historian (Danny DeVito) and a spirit photographer (LaKeith Stanfield) all who end up just as trapped as they are. While aimed at a ‘kid’s first horror movie’ crowd, there was enough here to keep most of our reviewers happy, especially those of us with a deep love for the Disney attraction.
DIRECTED BY: Justin Simien
STARRING: LaKeith Stanfield, Tiffany Haddish, Owen Wilson, Danny DeVito, Rosario Dawson, Chase W. Dillon, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jared Leto, Winona Ryder, Hasan Minhaj, Dan Levy, Charity Jordan
YOUR REVIEWERS
Christopher Lawrence Cox (Founder, Da Boss)
Born in the wilds of northern Virginia, Chris managed to put all of his survival skills to use and barely escaped with his life to Austin Texas in 1992 where ever since he’s dabbled in everything from plumber’s assistant to sandwich maker, from band to bar management. An opportunity to see theatrical release films for free by becoming a critic on a local public access show called “The Reel Deal” turned into a full-time job when Chris and his friends decided to take it to the internet. They built the site Spill.com, adding multiple podcasts and animated features, to no small amount of success. During this time, a fortuitous friendship sprung up between Chris and young Brian Salisbury, who was also a local film critic, and they merged their forces of will, and their laundry list of ideas for shows, to eventually build this community of critics. While Brian eventually followed his heart to a new family, Chris continues on with a cast of colorful folks from all over the country (and a few others). You can also check out Chris in his videocast, along with Martin Thomas and Danni Danger, that One Of Us does with our friends at Bell of Lost Souls: Crossover Event. He also regularly guests on the video game website Rage Select. Follow Chris on Twitter and Facebook and check out his Amazon Wish List.
Frank Calvillo (Highly Suspect Reviews, Screener Squad)
Born and raised in South Texas, Frank currently lives in Austin and has been in love with movies ever since his father showed him some Three Stooges shorts when he was five years old. Today he loves all kinds of film, regardless of era, country, budget or genre. He believes every film has an audience and is at least one person’s favorite movie. After writing for Sight & Sound and Slackerwood, he now writes for Cinapse where his increasingly random taste in all flavors of cinema (from Rashomon to Mars Attacks!) continues to thrive. His ultimate goal is to write a script for his boyhood crush, Michelle Pfeiffer.
Marco Noyola (Digital Noise, Highly Suspect Reviews, Screener Squad, Audio Editor)
By day, Marco is a mild-mannered office worker, but by night he is a mild-mannered movie watcher. He does other mild-mannered stuff too.
“You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody!”
Michael Riojas (Screener Squad, Highly Suspect Reviews)
The man with the ever-changing nicknames. Born in Austin, Riojas was rocketed to Del Rio, Texas, a literal small ville. In his youth, he was bitten by a radioactive… okay, look. Mike is not very good at this whole “talking about himself” thing. But he has been so obsessed with comics, video games, and anime since childhood- that if one has to choose between listening to Joe Quesada or Mike over any obscure Spider-Man trivia, they go to him (or, at least Martin Thomas once said so). He is also a big fan of “Ghostbusters” (he even owns his own jumpsuit and two, that’s right, TWO proton packs!), collects toys and video games, and will defend “Superman IV: The Quest for Peace” if provoked. He lives in Austin with his beloved Dachshund-Maltese and trusted sidekick, Dean. He can also be heard on RageSelect. He can be found on Twitter and Instagram.
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