Skip to content

Screener Squad: Swan Song

Swan Song Movie Review


You may not recognize the name Udo Kier, but with a career spanning 55 years and over 270 credits, you’ve definitely seen him before. Like Peter Lorre before him, Kier’s bulging eyes and heavy German accent typecast him early on as villains and creeps. He’s depicted so many vampires, Nazis, and kinky weirdos that it’s always a pleasant surprise to see Kier playing a normal human being. Well, as normal as an elderly gay hairdresser and bitchy drag queen trapped in a Sandusky, Ohio nursing home could ever be. “Swan Song”, the latest from writer/director Todd Stephens recounts the story of Pat “Mr. Pat” Pitsenberger, an elderly gay man living in a nursing home on the outskirts of Sandusky. Misfortune and a stroke have stripped Pat of everything he ever had and ever was. Reduced to dressing in sweatpants and orthopedic shoes, Pat bears no resemblance to the glamorous bon vivant he once was. When an estranged friend and former client (Linda Evans) passes away, she leaves instructions in her will for Pat to handle hair and makeup services for her funeral. And so begins the quixotic journey of Mr. Pat, the “most exclusive hairdresser in Sandusky”. To get to the funeral parlor, Pat will have to break out of the nursing home, walk several miles across Sandusky, obtain the high-end beauty products he needs, and reckon with his past, including his former protegee turned rival (Jennifer Coolidge). With each step and each person he encounters, Pat’s memories are unlocked and he begins reverting to his old fabulous self. Our own crew of fashion victims, T.C, Adrian, Jordan, and Marco, met up at the salon to dish about how much they loved this movie and why they think Udo Kier deserves a shot at a Best Actor nomination.

**This review is available in a longer, uncut, video version for TIME LORD subscribers and above right here**


DIRECTED BY: Todd Stephens

STARRING: Udo Kier, Jennifer Coolidge, Linda Evans, Michael Urie, Ira Hawkins, Stephanie McVay, Tom Bloom, Justin Lonesome, Thom Hilton, Shanessa Sweeney, Bryant Carroll, Shelby Garrett, Catherine Albers, Dave Sorboro, Roshon Thomas, Annie Kitral, Eric Eisenbrey, Jonah Blechman, Tim Murray, Cheryl Talley-Sharp, Ray Perrin




T.C. De Witt (Screener Squad)

T.C. De Witt is a multi-awarded writer/director originally from Wisconsin and now based in Los Angeles. His life has been devoted to the arts since he was a child. He’s been a stage performer, playwright, stand-up comic, film and television actor, radio DJ, podcaster published author, recorded musician, and comic writer/illustrator. He is now a professional screenwriter and has been thriving for the past decade, regularly offering his talents to production studios in LA, Chicago, Milwaukee, and internationally in Sydney and Poland. He’s provided content for Amazon Prime, Netflix, and several YouTube partners. His films have screened internationally, and his stageplays have been performed across the country. In the last ten years, he has directed 57 films, 23 episodes of his series The One Minute Rewatch, 300+ episodes of podcasts, and his multi-award-winning short film Screen: Righter screened at the Festival de Cannes in 2016. He has released two feature films, The Princess Knight and A Christmas Sunset. He thrives on collaboration and the thrill of sharing stories in all forms.



Adrian El Critico (Screener Squad)

Though born and raised in Chicago, this film critic is Mexican to the bone. Adrian has been watching movies since he was a child, many of which might not have been age appropriate. Still, he couldn’t get enough. All throughout his life, friends and family would look to him for his recommendations and reviews on whatever films had come their way. Inspired earlier in life by the likes of Ebert and Roper at The Movies and then later, Adrian decided film criticism and analysis provided a great outlet to further his love of film. He began to craft his reviews and thoughts on film in ways he thought would be accessible to devout film hounds as well as the casual viewer. Mixing in jokes, entertaining observations and robust critical analysis, Adrian El Critico may be new to OneOfUs, but he is already making a name for himself on our site. If Horror movies are your thing, get ready to hear his voice.



Jordan Cobb (Screener Squad)

Born with a comic book in one hand, a camera in the other, and in front of the television as WrestleMania played out, Jordan Worth Cobb was thus birthed into this crazy world. A Digital Filmmaking major from the University of Central Arkansas, Jordan has done it all in film from directing, writing, editing, and producing in addition to skills involved in film and TV criticism, journalism, and years of podcasting experience. On any given day, her ADHD riddled brain bounces focus from film to pro wrestling to TV to superheroes to noir to video games to espionage and yes, even to sports. She played little league you know. For more of this eccentric nerd, you can follow her on Twitter here and read her original writings on Deepest Corners of My Notebook.



Marco Noyola (Digital Noise, Highly Suspect Reviews, Screener Squad, Audio Editor)

By day, Marco is a mild-mannered office worker, but by night he is a mild-mannered movie watcher. He does other mild-mannered stuff too.

“You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody!”




You can subscribe to the Highly Suspect Reviews and Screener Squad series of podcasts on iTunes, Spotify, and more, or use our RSS feed on whatever podcast service you use: and please leave us a review!

Please think about becoming a paid subscriber to, support our huge network of shows, and get access to tons of bonus shows and videos in our forums! We cannot keep this site going without support from our listeners. For added information about being a subscriber, the benefits, and the forums, please go here.

Subscription Levels

Hulvey's Spice Powder Ad
Knomad ad

Outside In Trusts No One