DYNASTY WARRIORS MOVIE REVIEW
The frenetic action-packed “Dynasty Warriors” video games have been adapted into a movie courtesy of Netflix and A LOT of Chinese production companies (seriously, the logos are over a minute long). The plot, or what could be called a plot in this movie, follows three brothers who must assist a shamed warrior and various warlords from the region to overthrow an evil ruler who has usurped the throne from its rightful heir. And…that’s pretty much all the reviewers could understand of the narrative that was told coherently. Justin, Harmoni, Aaron, and Marcos Lira cackle their way through attempting to review this movie. This truly is a movie that has to be seen to be believed for how silly it is, but they’ll do their best to tell you why it’s such a glorious mess.
DIRECTED BY: Roy Chow
STARRING: Louis Koo, Carina Lau, Wang Kai, Tony Yang, Han Geng, Justin Cheung, Gulnazar, Ray Lui, Lam Suet, Philip Keung, Law Kar-ying, Eddie Cheung, Jonathan Wong
Justin Zarian (Screener Squad, Eye on the Prize, Breakfast Pub, Assistant Site Manager)
Justin’s fate as a movie fanatic was written in the stars when his birth forced his parents to cancel their planned Oscar viewing party. While growing up in California, he was often seen in front of the television watching and re-watching Star Wars, Jurassic Park, classic Disney movies and a steady stream of animated shows. This eventually led to a B.A. in Film at Brigham Young University and an Outstanding Student Teacher Award for displaying a level of film knowledge so insane that even his fellow film students couldn’t compete. He received his M.A. from Syracuse University and is currently pursuing a teaching certificate, but still volunteers at One of Us every so often for the fun of it. His hobbies include non-stop film conversations, wondering how Mass Effect 3’s ending went so wrong, espousing the joys of shooting guns (but not hunting, as he’s quick to note), writing the next great American television show in his head, and anything else entertainment related. You can find him on Facebook once in a blue moon.
Harmoni Anderson (Screener Squad, Highly Suspect Reviews, Unstabletop Gaming)
Harmoni is a mermaid-haired, millennial, rum drinking, Section 31, Slytherin (who’s divorced J.K. Rowling) preschool/nursery teacher and multi genre geek who also loves all things film, tv, fashion, makeup, and an embarrassingly huge BTS stan. Like really embarrassing. As in, mention them and then sit back and watch the insanity. Harmoni likes being able to game and talk movies/TV with people that aren’t 3 feet tall or all that demanding of her. Plus she can curse at us and not get fired….so bonus!
Aaron Woodul (Digital Noise, Screener Squad)
It all began when Aaron was a wee little lass going to his father’s work late in the evening because an all-nighter had to be pulled. Unable to help his father, he and his mother were relegated to a conference room where there was a tv on a dolly and a VCR. He watched Cannon Film’s “Masters of the Universe” and his mind was forever altered by what we will call its greatness. From there he got insanely into the never-ending catalog of Godzilla movies, and affiliated giant monster movies, and old samurai films like “Seven Samurai.” Like any good addiction, it spiraled, and he got heavy into science fiction books, all kinds of comics, and video games. After a brief stint acquiring a degree in media production, which he did nothing with, he found his way into an office job, a happy marriage, and even fatherhood. Now he watches film and plays games when he can, reads the fuck out of comics on his phone, and has surprisingly lengthy discussions with his wife about when to introduce his son to his favorite movies and shows.
Marcos Lira (Highly Suspect Reviews, Screener Squad)
Me? I come from the South, Out there, beyond the horizon by the big river. Out there where the bandits formed cities, and the gambling is legal. I got into movies like most nerds by watching Tarantino but fell in love with movies through Chinese Cinema for some reason. A few of my favorite things would probably be live music, new experiences, and belt-fed ammunition. You can catch this occasional podcaster, occasional other Marco and full-time human on any form of social media by typing jlmarcos62. Hit me up for music suggestions and bad jokes.
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