NOBODY SLEEPS IN THE WOODS TONIGHT MOVIE REVIEW
Netflix’s latest international horror is about a group of technology obsessed teens who are sent to Camp Adrenaline, a recovery program that helps kids break their addiction to smartphones and other devices while letting them explore the great outdoors. A bunch of angsty teenagers lost in the woods with no way of communicating with the outside world? What could go wrong?! Plenty, of course. Naturally, there’s a creepy cabin in the woods, a cellar full of body parts, and deformed, blood thirsty maniacs roaming the woods. The marketing for the film suggests this is the first slasher film ever made in Poland. While we’re a bit skeptical of that claim, there’s no denying that writer/director Bartosz M. Kowalski has penned a blood-stained love letter to the slasher flicks of the 1980s. LIsten to Eliot, Jordan, Robert, and Marco as they gather around the digital campfire and discuss whether you should watch this trope laden homage to 80s schlock or tell it to take a hike, instead.
**There is a longer, uncut, video version of this review for TIME LORD subscribers and above right here**
DIRECTED BY: Bartosz M. Kowalski
STARRING:Julia Wieniawa-Narkiewicz, Michał Lupa, Wiktoria Gasiewska, Stanislaw Cywka, Sebastian Dela, Gabriela Muskala, Michał Zbroja, Miroslaw Zbrojewicz, Piotr Cyrwus, Olaf Lubaszenko, Wojciech Mecwaldowski, Bartlomiej Kotschedoff, Bartlomiej Firlet, Malgorzata Szczerbowska, Izabela Dabrowska
Eliot Nelson (Screener Squad, Staff Writer)
Soaked in the soggy rains of Seattle, Eliot developed a love of sci-fi, movies, cartoons, heavy metal, and all of geekdom. Pursuing his passion for the written word, he got his BA from The Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington. He has since worked exclusively in the foodservice industry, like any liberal arts major worth their salt. Eliot wiles away the hours listening to movie reviews, writing his epic sci-fi novel, and consuming as much media as possible. His favorite movies include The Lord of the Rings, City of God, Dawn of the Dead, and Groundhog Day. When not rambling to himself about the ineptness of entertainment executives, Eliot posts infrequently on Twitter and squawks regularly on his podcast The Debasement Tapes.
Jordan Cobb (Screener Squad)
Born with a comic book in one hand, a camera in the other, and in front of the television as WrestleMania played out, Jordan Worth Cobb was thus birthed into this crazy world. A Digital Filmmaking major from the University of Central Arkansas, Jordan has done it all in film from directing, writing, editing, and producing in addition to skills involved in film and TV criticism, journalism, and years of podcasting experience. On any given day, her ADHD riddled brain bounces focus from film to pro wrestling to TV to superheroes to noir to video games to espionage and yes, even to sports. She played little league you know. For more of this eccentric nerd, you can follow her on Twitter here and read her original writings on Deepest Corners of My Notebook.
Robert Garza (Screener Squad)
If it weren’t for sad music and scary stories I wouldn’t be as well-adjusted and cheerful as I am today. Moonlighting as a musician off and on since adolescence, I am as big a fan of scores and needle drops as I am of slow zooms, production design, and third act exposition. Just about all of my screen time is spent on international horror, drama, and hour long episodic. Big fan of genre, and the biggest fan of supernatural horror and dark sci-fi with meaningful representation and narratives that use trauma, grief, and grace as more than surface-level content. Also, I read a ton of modern horror novels/comics and stan Matt Berry. In the before times I worked music and film festivals across the US and will hopefully return to that sometime in the future.
Marco Noyola (Digital Noise, Highly Suspect Reviews, Screener Squad, Audio Editor)
By day, Marco is a mild-mannered office worker, but by night he is a mild-mannered movie watcher. He does other mild-mannered stuff too.
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