Highly Suspect Reviews: Page 6
Hosts: An Ever-Rotating Lineup of OOU.Net’s Unusual Suspects
That’s right, your favorite geek conglomerate website is now doing audio movie reviews! The cast of reviewers is subject to change even movie to movie, we have a whole rogues gallery of cinema outlaws, but one thing you can always count on is that these funny and insightful film reviews will always be, in some way, Highly Suspect.
Avengers: Age Of Ultron
OMG OMG OMG! That was pretty much all of our internal dialogues were saying while we were sitting in the theater waiting for this long-awaited sequel to The Avengers to start. Honestly, the projectionist is lucky he got it started on time because I suspect one of us might have rushed up to the booth to intimidate him if he hadn’t. HUGE expectations…could the film possibly live up to them? You certainly get a wide choice of Unusual Suspects to hear from about it. Chris, Brian, Richard, Elliott, JC, and Beau have control of the Criticism Gem as they review Marvel and Joss Whedon’s latest block-buster.
This new wacky comedy stars Jonah Hill as a bumbling journalist who stumbles into the story of a lifetime when a bumbling James Franco is on trial for the murder of his wife and children. Having assumed Hill’s identity while he was on the run, the two come together in bumbling prison interviews for Hill to get to the bottom of the TRUE STORY bro. Or something like that. Wait, this was actually a true story? It’s not a comedy? Ok, maybe we were looking at this all wrong.
How do you know when your computer is smarter than you? It’s admittedly kind of hard to tell when you’re having trouble thinking about anything but wanting to have sex with it. Which, to be fair, is true for many of us in a day-to-day sense now. But in the case of Ex Machina, Oscar Issac plays a wacky-rich computer genius type who flies one of his employees (Domhnall Gleeson) out to his compound for a weekend to meet his new female android Ava (Alicia Vikander) to help him decide whether or not she is indeed truly an artificial intelligence. Suffice it to say, everything does not go to plan.
From Blumhouse Productions, Unfriended is a pretty blatant attempt to take ‘found footage’ to a new level, and we conclude that it does, sort of. You must listen to this Highly Suspect Review starring Chris, Brian, Michael and Sam or…ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS WILL DIE. Email this review to at least 50 friends or you will die. And don’t forget to click on all our Amazon links or your pet will develop a hacking cough. And become a subscriber or that sandwich you bought for tomorrow’s lunch will go bad in the fridge overnight. And join Audible.com or you will get a bad rash.
The Longest Ride
Scott Eastwood plays rodeo bull-riding wanna-be-champ Luke Collins and he meet-cutes with wanna-be-east-coast-art-curator-college-girl Sophia Danko (Under the Dome‘s Britt Robertson). How will they possibly find a way to coalesce the needs of their raging hormones with their distinctly separate realities? Why, with the allegorically helpful flashbacks of an old Jewish man (Alan Alda) who tells them the stories of his love long past (performed in sepia-tone by Boardwalk Empire‘s Jack Huston and Oona Chaplin).
While We’re Young
While We’re Young follows the story of Josh (Ben Stiller) and Cornelia (Naomi Watts), a ‘settled in’ couple who have largely made peace with their inability to have children together and with the routine of their lives, which includes Stiller eternally working on his second film, a documentary too intellectually impenetrable for anyone to be interested. One day they meet Jamie (Adam Driver) and Darby (Amanda Seyfried) and the older couple find themselves captivated by the younger one’s joie de vivre and carefree attitude. Soon everything isn’t as simple as it seems, feelings get hurt and everyone learns something. Beau and Chris sure did.
Woman In Gold
Helen Mirren plays Maria Altmann, an aged escapee from Austria during the rise of the Third Reich who has lived out her life, blessedly Nazi-free, in Los Angeles. When her sister dies, she discovers in her papers that several valuable works of art should rightfully be in her family’s possession, not in that of the Austrian government. Problem is, the art in question includes some of master artist Gustav Klimt’s most famous works. Recruiting a young lawyer (Ryan Reynolds) whose family has ties with hers, the two take on a seemingly impossible task, especially with her constantly flashing back to the war (where Orphan Black‘s Tatiana Maslany plays the young Maria).
We learned a lot of stuff in the 80s about sex that changed our attitudes. The era of ‘free love’ changed to ‘no glove, no love’ and paranoia due to misunderstandings about the nature of dangerous health risks associated with it. That being said, having sex that causes an unkillable supernatural monster that only you can see that will never stop coming after you unless you pass on the ‘tag’ by having sex with someone else? Sure, probably not the biggest problem for the popular kids, but if you were a nerd like us and just happened to get lucky once… maybe not so lucky after all.
Awww, look at all those cuddly little squishy aliens. So cute and they talk in adorable pidgin English. Jim Parsons (from “Big Bang Theory”) is playing the lead one and look… he just wants to be loved, much like his reluctant buddy, an earth girl played by Rihanna who only wants to find her mom. See, they’re both misunderstood nerds in their own way! It’s also so captivating the way the aliens resettle all of humanity into a brightly colored concentration camp, isn’t it? That Dreamworks really knows how to speak to, erm, 4 year olds.
Get Hard (At SXSW)
Get Hard is the latest Kevin Hart comedy in which he plays a guy mistaken for an ex-con by a racist, NERF-y finance executive. Playing that finance guy, and serving as the obligatory juxtaposition to Hart, is Will Ferrell. The two of them together should have been a recipe for tasty comedy stew. But alas, something went terribly wrong in that kitchen.
Brian and Chris take to the rooftops of Austin to record this highly special Highly Suspect review of Get Hard. Hey, that title also sounds like what happens when a man gets an erection…I just got that.
Furious 7 (SXSW)
Here now, recorded live from SXSW is our Highly Suspect Review of one of the year’s most anticipated movies. If you aren’t already of a fan of this franchise, you may not find much to like here. But for all you Fasties out there (we need a better name), this is pure gasoline candy.
Brian, Chris, and J.C. are joined by special guests Kyle Scott, our editor Thomas Mariani, and We’re Alive creator KC Wayland to talk about why Furious 7 got them all revved up. Download and listen to this special early review and get your pistons pumping!
Run All Night
Run All Night takes place over the course of a single day, in which a former hitman for the mob (Neeson) must protect his son (Joel Kinnaman) from the wrath of the local boss (Ed Harris). Turns out that mob boss’ son (Boyd Holbrok) is a real d-bag and tries to murder the hitman’s son, only to end up full of bullets himself. When in the hell are people going to learn to stop effin’ with Liam Neeson?!
Hey kids, it’s time to gather around the fireplace and let The Unusual Suspects read you the story of Cinderella. Well, not so much read, but rather give our thoughts after watching Disney’s Cinderella. Kenneth Branagh directs this iteration of the classic story about a girl whose widower father apparently didn’t have access to OkCupid, because he marries a horrid ice queen to be his daughter’s new stepmother. When he then kicks the bucket, step-mama begins to treat lovely little Ella as a servant, nicknaming her Cinderella because she sleeps next to…you know, if you don’t know the story by now, we don’t know what to tell ya.
Vince Vaughn plays a guy from the far more conventional business world. The kind with spreadsheets and neckties and stuff. Vaughn quits his job at a company that sells scrap metal to boldly found his very own company…that also sells scrap metal. He founds this company alongside an elderly former coworker (Tom Wilkinson) and a lovable young idiot (Dave Franco) whom he met in the parking lot on his way out the door of his former employer. After a year of operation, the trio now have one shot of keeping their company afloat: nabbing that one major client even if it means traveling all the way to Germany!
The Lazarus Effect
Ok, so sure, if I was dating Olivia Wilde and she died, I’d probably commit all kinds of acts of hubris against man and God(tm) to bring her back to life too. This is essentially the plot of The Lazarus Effect, as a group of scientists develop a procedure to give new life to the dead. And nothing goes wrong at all and they all live happily ever after. The end…
Ok, no, that would be a pretty boring movie but perhaps no less boring than what this film brings us. Even with a cast like Mark Duplass, Donald Glover, Evan Peters and Sarah Bolger, there’s no getting around lazy horror filmmaking. Or is there? What if we came up with a procedure to reanimate dead horror tropes? Oh wait, Blumhouse Pictures already figured that technique out. With the expected results.
Will Smith and Margot Robbie are out to steal a lot of money, and perhaps each other’s hearts, in this new romantic heist flick from the writers/directors of Crazy, Stupid Love. It certainly is the long con being pulled here as Focus feels like two separate movies crammed into one.
What We Do In The Shadows
Jemaine Clement is a very old vampire. He lives in a flat with three other vampires. During the nights they go out and kill. During the day, they sleep. For centuries they have subsisted thusly. So you can’t help but imagine they’re probably a little bored. Enter a camera crew who they’ve agreed to let film a documentary about them. Sadly, the truth of the matter is, these vampiric archetypes aren’t as cool as the classic literary and film vampires they resemble. In fact, they’re all kind of a bunch of schlubs.
Hot Tub Time Machine 2
It may be February, but go grab your swimsuits because it’s time to hop back into that temporal displacement jacuzzi! That’s right, it’s the Highly Suspect Review of Hot Tub Time Machine 2! Now granted, the only thing more difficult than actually developing time travel is crafting a decent comedy sequel, but maybe HTTM2 will take a page from BTTF2‘s book and be able to break the unfortunate trend.
Kingsman: The Secret Service
It has been remarked that manners maketh man, but as in all things, our understanding of propriety around here is Highly Suspect. Luckily, we take lessons on both citizenship and impeccable fashion sense from Kingsman: The Secret Service. A few of the upstanding gentlemen who comprise The Unusual Suspects suit up to break down Matthew Vaughn’s cheeky love letter to/sendup of James Bond. Brian, Chris, Elliott, and J.C. gather round the table to not-so-secretly laud this refreshingly well-crafted action comedy that packs just as much subtext as it does punch.
Fifty Shades of Grey with Dr. Nerdlove
Welcome to the movie that everyone was poised to hate. Well, everyone here at OneOfUs studios, anyway, but we’ve all got SOMEONE in our lives who is excited as all hell about it. And after watching Fifty Shades of Grey, The Unusual Suspects are a bit baffled by this affection. Perhaps even a bit worried about the people we know who love it so much. Chris, Diva, JC and special guest Harris (aka Dr. Nerdlove) do their best to straighten out the kinks in this adaptation of the confusingly insanely popular book that started out as Twilight fan fiction.
In this era, entertainment such as The Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones set such a high and poetic bar to reach for cinematic fantasy in the modern age that most of the competition (what there was of it) didn’t see fit to aspire to try. Seventh Son is not a movie that is trying to match those lauded entries in fantasy either, but has its strategy down pat nonetheless. More like the quick-and-fun, dice-and-entice 80’s films, this movie starring Ben Barnes as the seventh son of a seventh son who becomes the apprentice to a powerful but aging knight (Jeff Bridges) who must battle a evil witch queen (Julianne Moore), has simpler aspirations.
Russian cleaning ladies secretly rule the world? Telepathic bees? Intergalactic dragons? Teen Wolf in space with magic shoes? What on Earth is Jupiter Ascending? Hopefully, this Highly Suspect review can offer some answers.
The Boy Next Door
Jennifer Lopez is a teacher who has an affair with a nineteen-year-old student, who’s still in high school for indeterminate reasons. The boy in question subsequently decides to go full cuckoo bananas and stalks J-Lo all kinds of weird. Think of it like Fatal Attraction, only it’s the guy who’s a looney. Oh, and it’s terrible.
Brought to you by the director of Big Man Japan, this story of a man who hires a Dominatrix company to randomly assault him, brings our reviewers (Chris and Michael) to weird and somewhat uncomfortable heights of ecstasy themselves. While this is the sort of thing that has to be seen to be believed, the duo do their best to give you a picture of just how bizarre and fun this thing really is.
Here at OneOfUs, we always aim to please. That’s why we’re bringing you this fully loaded Highly Suspect review of Clint Eastwood’s American Sniper. Bradley Cooper stars in this biopic of U.S. Marine Sniper Chris Kyle, the film following Kyle as he serves multiple tours in Iraq and struggles with PTSD.
The Wedding Ringer
The Unusual Suspects gather the full wedding party (Brian, Chris, J.C., Beau, and Diva) to throw some rice and definitely some salt at this new comedy. Are Kevin Hart and Josh Gad perfect for each other? Or will you want to divorce your brain from the memory of The Wedding Ringer as soon as you’ve seen it?
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