Highly Suspect Reviews: Page 17
Hosts: An Ever-Rotating Lineup of OOU.Net’s Unusual Suspects
That’s right, your favorite geek conglomerate website is now doing audio movie reviews! The cast of reviewers is subject to change even movie to movie, we have a whole rogues gallery of cinema outlaws, but one thing you can always count on is that these funny and insightful film reviews will always be, in some way, Highly Suspect.
Transformers: The Last Knight
THIS IS A SPOILER REVIEW!!! Here ya go, schadenfreude fans, it’s time for your dangerously huge dose of Unusual Suspect agony as you get to hear Chris, Jon, and Matt Frank writhe in pain from their experience watching Transformers 5. Well, on the whole, Matt. Chris calls it, “The greatest film of the series.” He doesn’t mean that like you think he does. Listen to the review to see what I mean.
Sam Elliott is a former western screen icon who has slipped lazily into his golden years spending his time not really working but smoking out with his former co-star (Nick Offerman). But when he gets a cancer diagnosis, he forms a strange friendship with a stand-up comic (Laura Prepon) and tries to connect with his estranged daughter (Krysten Ritter). Check out what Marco, Beau, and Mike called one of the best films of 2017 in their review.
The Handmaid’s Tale – Season 1
Some are calling it the most terrifying new show on television, some the most beautiful, all are calling it the saddest: it’s the first season of Hulu’s new adaptation of Margaret Atwood’s masterful dystopian sci-fi classic, The Handmaid’s Tale. Elizabeth Moss plays Offred, one of many Handmaidens who must live in this new theocratic American society as the servant of a rich family, specifically there to bear the child of the rich husband (Joseph Fiennes). Child birth rates are plummeting and women have had their citizenship revoked, if not their humanity. Even the mother of the house (Yvonne Strahovski), who clearly despises Offred for doing what she’s there to do, is obedient to the new order. Is there any escape? Are we 5 minutes away from this world ourselves? Chris, Sarah, Scott, and Rebecca have a long, spoiler-filled, discussion about the show.
47 Meters Down
SHARKS! GODDAMMIT SHARKS! Like, not so good for sexy twenty-somethings (or realistically, thirty-somethings, but whatever). At least not in the movies. What in the world would possess Mandy Moore and Claire Holt to agree to go in a rusty old shark cage, attached to a ramshackle boat’s winch chain, in the middle of Mexico, with a bunch of people they don’t know? So, no one’s that’s surprised when the chain breaks and they’re caught in it titularly 47 meters down with hungry great whites swimming around and a host of other problems including, due to extreme panic, that they’re already low on air? I know I wasn’t. But, despite a distinct lack of surprise, SOME of us were pretty scared. Some of us, PSHAW, not so much. Listen to Patience, Chris, Mike, and our special guest Nick reveal their hidden depths.
Scarlett Johansson is getting married? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Ok, yeah, I’d come along to the bachelorette party in Miami, especially with fun people along for the ride like Jillian Bell, Ilana Glazer, Zoë Kravitz, and Kate McKinnon. I mean, they’re all old friends and the party in Miami with them will be crazy fun, right? Wait, a stripper dies and they have to hide the body? What, like Very Bad Things? Oh god, well, but it’s got such a primo group of funny ladies and is written and directed by people who worked on the HY-sterical Broad City. Ok, sure, I’ll give it a shot. Wait…..I’m not the stripper, am I? Whew.
Despite the pedigree for fun (or, alternatively, because of it) we came to a split house on our review crew: Two 5’s, Two 9’s. Can you guess which Chris, Elliott, Lara, and JC picked?
The Book of Henry
You know when you’ve got one of those adorable kids who does all your accounting for you because he’s got a super-genius level intellect and the patience of a saint while you’re a useless drunk who sits around and plays video games all day? Hey, if you take the kid out of the equation that sounds like me! But seriously, in this movie by Colin Trevorrow (Jurassic World), Naomi Watts is that mom. Of her two kids, the older is that kind of genius you only see on Nick! shows and the younger is the too-cute Jacob Tremblay (Room). They are just so goddamn happy until there is a major crisis in their lives and Mom realizes she’s going to have take Henry’s advice and deal with her child-molesty neighbor next door (Dean Norris). And I haven’t even told you the BAT SHIT INSANE parts yet. Not in a good way. You know how you guys are always like, “Man, I like it when they’re in physical pain from watching a movie, it’s funny” because you’re schadenfreude-drinking little bastards? Well, this is your food.Bon Appétit! Drink the Blood of Chris, Marco, Frank and Richard.
Beatriz at Dinner
Salma Hayek is a new-agey, hippy type, all heart with her love for the animals she keeps in her house, to her affection for the Earth and all humans who live upon it. That is, until one night her car dies while at a healthful massage appointment with a 1% friend (Connie Britton) and she’s invited to stay for a dinner party. And let me tell you man, party guest John Lithgow can try the most patient and loving of souls. How will she deal? More like how did WE deal? Our group of critics found this thing exhausting and question who was it made for exactly. Listen to Chris, Frank and Mike as they have trouble keeping from ripping this to shreds.
Third time’s the charm, I guess? Pixar has doggedly refused to back away from the questionable charms of their Cars franchise, much to the chagrin of critics everywhere and to apparently the great pleasure of SOMEONE (which includes one of our critics), as the first two films have racked up over 1 billion in worldwide box office and 10 billion in merchandise. So here we are at number 3: This time, Lightning McQueen is getting old and can’t keep up with the new generation of hi-tech racers, like Jackson Storm (Armie Hammer). Then, they realize that perhaps murdering all the organic beings so long ago during the famous time of ‘Maximum Overdrive’ may have been a bad thing after all. Or something like that. Chris Herman, George, and Jon review.
Twin Peaks S3 – Ep 5-6
Diane, it’s Monday morning, June 12th 2017. I’ve gathered together a crew of hard-core Twin Peaks fans to analyze the content of the television episodes of the same name that aired on the 11th and 4th of this same month. Something tells me that there’s more to a lot of what we see here than the casual viewer may be aware of. But first, Diane, have you tried the coffee here? Man, damn good coffee. Make a note to tell Chris, Ian, Betty, and Scott about it.
It Comes at Night
Let’s say you’re Joel Edgerton. You’ve got a wife and a teenage son, you’re living in a large (!) cabin out in the woods, your father-in-law just passed away and you presumably (due to the viral apocalypse) don’t have to pay taxes or get a job, just living off the land in peace and quiet. Doesn’t sound too bad, right? Except It Comes at Night. I mean, not Pennywise (just to be clear), but, you know, it. IT. *sigh* Don’t worry about it. Just watch this movie and tell us who you agree with, Chris, Patience, or Marco who hold three very different opinions about this art-house horror (?) film.
Universal wants a big honkin’ slice of the shared universe movie franchise pie and they’re launching their effort, using their classic movie monsters, and with the help of blockbuster stalwart Tom Cruise, with The Mummy, the ostensibly first in their Dark Universe. Tom is an…archeological thief? Whatever. Anyway, he and Annabelle Wallis (with the help/hindrance of Jake Johnson) have to do with a new source of evil from the past (Sofia Boutella) who wants to make Tom into her new Set and take over the world. Well, that will just not do! So how does this rate? Ask your crew of Usual Suspects: Chris, Beau, Richard, Frank, and Patience.
Twin Peaks: The Return – Episodes 1-4
Ok, this isn’t exactly a ‘review’…more of a group of the hardest core TP fans we could find to talk about the first four episodes of the new third season of the show on Showtime. It’s an analysis, really, and as such, unless you’re intimately familiar with the show, (and have already watched these episodes) this may not be for you. That being said, OMGOMGOMGOMG. Chris, Ian, Betty, and Scott are your fanatics, so take it away…
Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie
In this animated adaptation of the popular children’s book series, Kevin Hart and Thomas Middleditch play two kids who constantly prank their cruel teachers. Using a cereal box prize hypnotism ring, they convince their principal (Ed Helms) to become a superhero they created, Captain Underpants. They decide to permanently override the Principal’s personality and create a new ‘alter-ego’ (I mean…wow, these are the heroes?) it turns out they need the Captain when Professor Poopypants comes to town and tries to stop them all from laughing at his name forever with the Turbo Toilet 2000. Jesus, is this for real? WTF? But those crazy kids in the animation crew said it was pretty good. Well, still. Better them than me. Listen to their review right here.
This is it. The big test for the DCU. Can they get past the ignominious previous three films and deliver a solid hit with this new first ever feature film version of Diana Prince’s story? Or will it be met with derision as some have suspected. The early reviews have been very strong, but we all know that can be deceptive. What does the HSR crew think of Gal Gadot starring in this Patty Jenkins (Monster) directed, period-piece, superhero adventure? Chris, Lola, Sarah, Herman, and Marco are here to give you the goods.
Samurai Jack: Season 5
Our newly minted ‘animation crew’ takes a deep look into the fifth season of Samurai Jack and eventually, after a warning gets into serious spoiler talk. Check it out right here.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
Captain Jack’s back for one more go-round on the ol’ Disney brand of dead horse they don’t seem to be willing to stop beating. This time he’s being chased by another undead pirate, Armando Salazar (Javier Bardem) and defeat is certain for whichever one of them doesn’t find the artifact The Trident of Poseidon first. I know, who writes this stuff? Meanwhile, Jack’s got two young assistants (Brenton Thwaites and Kaya Scodelario) he’s got to keep in line and who will, of course, end up being more than they seem. Beau, Elliott, JC, and Harris take this one for a ride. Listen to what happens.
I mean, was anyone actually asking for this? Ok, I know, 21 and 22 Jump Street were great (and believe me, the producers of this film know that too) and yes, it gives one hope that a corny tv property like Baywatch might actually be pretty darn funny if you attach the right people to a film version. And, while director Seth Gordon is certainly no Lord & Miller, putting Dwayne Johnson and Zak Efron as antagonistic protagonists doesn’t hurt. So how is it? Listen to Elliott, Chris, and Patience tell you all about it.
Do you know who Chuck Wepner is? No? Ok, well, do you know who Rocky is? Yeah? Ok, same thing. At least, sorta. You see, Sly Stallone heard about Chuck, who was known as The Bayonne Bleeder (not the most complimentary of nicknames), who through sheer literal thickheadedness got to the point where he had the opportunity to fight Muhammad Ali for the heavyweight title. And despite all prognostications to the contrary, lasted 15 rounds against the Champ. As it turned out, Sly was a fan and wrote Rocky based largely on Chuck. Once Chuck found this out, the party was on.
Liev Schreiber plays the title role and he works with a great cast including Elizabeth Moss, Naomi Watts, Jim Gaffigan, Michael Rappaport, and Ron Perlman. So how come you haven’t heard of this film? Why indeed? Chris, George, and JC review.
Richard Gere is the title character, Norman, a vaguely mysterious (as to where he lives or how he survives) schmucky guy in New York who spends almost all his time on his phone, wandering around on the streets. He is all but stalking Micha Echel, a relatively high-up functionary in the the Israeli government who is visiting New York. To his surprise, his gambit works and after buying the man an expensive pair of shoes, he finds himself on his radar. Although things don’t work out exactly how he hoped in that scenario, flash to years later and Micha has become the Prime Minister. This simple semi-friendship and Norman’s inability to keep from trying to bring everyone he knows together, leads to a fascinating trail to ruin and incredible self-sacrifice. Yeah, we dug it. Chris, Frank, and Marco give you the heads up on the best movie to come out this week.
Amy Schumer’s second cinematic headliner sees her as the ugly American: a shallow, surface-level millennial obsessed with herself and incapable of seeing herself as others do. When her boyfriend dumps her on the eve of a trip to Ecuador together, she is forced to use the nonrefundable ticket to bring her shut-in mother, Goldie Hawn, along with her. Naturally, things are awkward at first, as Amy wants to party and get drunk and Goldie wants to hide out in her room. However, she gets Goldie to agree to go on a small adventure together with a cute local she’s making eyes at, and they are kidnapped by criminals who take them to Columbia. And from there, it’s a mom and daughter on the run through the jungle comedy. Results may vary. Consult your critics (Chris, Lara, and Frank) for recommended dosage.
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
Why are there so many King Arthur movies/shows? Same reason there are so many Robin Hoods’, Sherlock Holmes’, etc. IT’S FREE AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THEM. Branding heaven. So this studio cozied up the hot, tough, blonde of the moment (Charlie Hunnam) to play a young Arthur before the round table and all that crap, and Jude Law playing the evil Vortigern who killed Arthur’s parents, and said, “Hey, Guy Ritchie, this looks like your sort of thing. Get over here and direct this bitch”. And Ritchie said, “Sure”, and audiences said, “WTF?” including our group of critics: Chris Herman, Richard, Marco, JC, and Patience.
Ridley Scott gives it another go in this sequel to Prometheus/prequel to Alien that has another doomed spaceship crew dealing with crazed xenomorphs and the android that thinks they’re SO awesome. Katherine Waterston leads the cast as this entry’s Ripley substitute and is joined by Michael Fassbender, Billy Crudup, Danny McBride, Damien Bichir, and a crew full o’ Red Shirts. Check out Chris, Patience, Marco, Beau, JC, and Sarah delivering large quantities of review and snark in equal portions.
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