Highly Spoileriffic Reviews: Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice | One of Us

Highly Spoileriffic Reviews: Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice

33 Submitted by on Wed, 23 March 2016, 09:59

It’s finally here. The moment fans have been waiting for. The heavens will shake when Batman and Superman finally clash on screen…mainly because the music is ridiculously loud.

Ok, so no, we weren’t big fans of Zach Snyder’s latest entry in DC’s movie universe. A whole bunch of us felt, to varying degrees, let down. But we honestly had trouble deciding how to really express everything we felt about the film without heading deeply into spoiler territory. So, what you get is a spoiler review. If you DON’T want this film spoiled for you, PLEASE wait till after you’ve seen it to listen. I suspect even the comments will contain spoilers. And probably don’t listen at all if you come from the viewpoint of “Screw you guys, this movie is going to be the best thing ever no matter what anyone says.” No point in driving up your blood pressure.

So, with all that being said, here’s Chris, Herman, JC, Richard, Joe, Elliott and Beau with their review…

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Born in the wilds of northern Virginia, in 1992 Chris managed to put all of his survival skills to use and barely escaped with his life to Austin Texas, where ever since he’s dabbled in everything from plumber’s assistant to sandwich maker, from band to bar management. An opportunity to see theatrical release films for free, by becoming a critic on a local public access show called “The Reel Deal”, turned into a full time job when Chris and his friends decided to take it to the internet. They built the site Spill.com, adding multiple podcasts and animated features, to no small amount of success. During this time, a fortuitous friendship sprung up between Chris and young Brian Salisbury, who was also a local film critic, and they merged their forces of will, and their laundry list of ideas for shows, to eventually build this paradise you see before you.

  • JCamp

    These guys nailed it with the Watchmen ref, like, and to the point of Henry Cavill’s lack of warmth, I suspect Snyder and Chris Terrio are treating this character like Dr. Manhattan.

  • Maciek

    Yes, yes, yes. I get it. It’s sucks… But how those it ties in to The Infinity Gauntlet?

    • Sean

      Thanos is behind it all!

  • The big question for Richard: In your opinion is Batman v Superman worse than The Force Awakens?

    • Richard Whittaker

      Pretty comparable. I think I summed up my feelings when I said that the DC fans will feel as pissed off as I did after TFA.

      • It’s interesting because the main criticism for TFA was that it was too derivative of past movies and that JJ Abrams did little to add his own creative flair to the franchise (I still loved it, though.) From all the reviews I’m reading about BvS it seems that the movie gets bogged down by all the worst elements of Zach Snyder’s auteurship, to the point where the characters hardly represent the source material. I’m still want to see it eventually, when the crowds die down, Bad Zack Snyder films are somewhat interesting to watch in their own right, inasmuch as an autopsy can reveal some interesting things

  • Salty Kenny

    Okay i have only one question, the only question that matters……..does Batman at any point disguise himself as an old irish woman and beats the fuck out of a nazy woman with swastikas painted over her tits?

  • Sean

    Can’t wait for the reboot!

  • Chris Ayres

    Chris, is it fair to say that DC is now the DreamWorks to Marvel’s Pixar?

    • Terence Pang

      DreamWorks is ok though

      • Chris Ayres

        Now that I’ve thought about it (and seen your response), I’ve changed my mind; Fox is DreamWorks, DC is Blue Sky.

  • Batj()y

    Richard Roper gave it three stars out of four. How can critics be all over the place?

    • Terence Pang

      People are different and have different opinions. The general consensus is that it is bad.

  • Tristan Milner

    Chris, you should know the real Amazon accent is “Him do good Snu-Snu.”
    Joking aside, this movie seems to be the Watchmen but worse. Using some of the imagery from the comic sans the reason and rhyme behind it now without 90% color!

  • Ryan Naughton

    So, should I re-read Kingdom Come instead?

  • Renwick Davis

    People need to stop using Golden Age Batman and other Batman films to justify Batman killing in this movie. It doesn’t work in those other movies and this film is NOT an adaptation of Golden Age Batman. Batman kills people because it’s convenient and because they wanted to do action. Nothing more. By the logic of that argument they can make a Batman movie with purple gloves and no Batcave and Superman can have a movie where he can’t fly among many other powers, doesn’t have kryptonite, and Superman can juggle planets. These aspects fell away from these characters and other aspects have become ingrained in the characters over decades worth of stories. If they were directly adapting those Batman stories and issues then that’s one thing, but they clearly weren’t.

    • Thank you!

    • nolife92

      the movie doesn’t try to justify his killing though(Batman is the only one giving the justifications). it just presents it. from the stripped down “wealth/power = violence” frame-for-frame recapturing of his origin onwards all this film seeks to do is present the old myths for what Frederick Wertham would say they actually are: socially irresponsible violence porn for little kids. batman’s just a spoiled rich white kid who beats the shit out of poor people because his rich white dad lost his shit and lunged at some poor(in BvS dark-skinned) mugger, which resulted in his mom getting killed. that is literally what happens in the very first telling of his origin story as well as in the dark knight returns.

  • metalraygear

    Batman V. Watomen

  • Renwick Davis

    I wonder how you guys feel about Zack Snyder coming out and saying that he sees Batman’s killing as manslaghter instead of murder so it’s not as bad. The man clearly has no idea how to make a good superhero story let alone Batman.

    • mythic

      They are victim blaming liberal pieces of shit that think killing in self defense is murder so it won’t make any difference.

  • birdy the critic

    I’m not certain about this, but I think the only live action films where Batman DOESN’T kill people are the ’63 Adam West film…and BATMAN AND ROBIN!! The ONLY film most people are still aware of where Batman doesn’t kill people is widely considered the worst Batman film ever made.
    I’m with Herman. Batman shouldn’t kill people or be an idiot with no plan (he’s all of those in this movie). Superman should give at least a little bit of a crap if people die or get hurt around him, but Zack Snyder’s too busy forcing him to embody Jesus memes. As for the movie as a whole, I feel sorry for all the actors. They were all trying but they were either badly miscast or stuck working with Zack Snyder direction and a TERRIBLE David S. Goyer script (seriously it annoys me how many bad comic movies he’s scripted that people refuse to criticize him for). Ben Affleck and Gal Gadot were probably the best parts of the movie, but they were stuck in the same bad movie as everyone else. Stuff just happens in this movie with no logical basis or follow-through and the plot requires everyone to act like a complete moron to function. Terrible score. Boring but passable action scenes until the final climax which looked like something out of a Michael Bay Transformers movie.
    Honestly, as annoyed as I was at this movie, I was mostly just bored. This film was a 2.5 hour dull angry roar in my ears that would not go away. God help us if the same creative team is in any way involved in any of the movies that this film stopped to show trailers of in the middle. At that point there will not be a good DC movie for at least a decade. As per OneOfUs.net rating rules, I give this 3 out of 10 laughably bad dream sequences.

    • Sean

      So, would you say it was a …World’s Finest Disappointment?


  • Batj()y

    Loved Gal Gadot and Affleck, hated the movie. Eisenberg was horrible. Guess he didn’t want to play as Lex Luthor.

  • RoverRandom

    This review was cathartic. I had a similar amalgamation of reactions and disappointments.

  • LordTerminal

    I’m under the impression Zack Snyder thinks Frank Miller can do no wrong and everything Frank wrote about in his stories is the same kind of path he should be going down with his films. I knew this film was going to suck from the start due to the trailers and the names attached and I am so glad I’m right.

    Zack Snyder, go fucking die. You are a hack of a filmmaker and I wish you would stop getting work.

    And as for DC: Stop now before you embarrass yourself any further. You cannot compete with Marvel on the cinematic side, please just quit while you can and stick to TV shows.

    • mythic

      If you want someone to die just because he makes films for a different audience then you then you are a petty selfish sadist piece of human god damn garbage, burn the fuck in hell.

  • nolife92

    he’s not playing the critics, he’s playing infantile security blanket fanboys who couldn’t deal with the superman-breaking of man of steel, which is a response zack snyder always accounted for. man of steel was designed to provoke people that need the all powerful white man icon to be completely infallible.

  • nolife92

    deliberate obfuscation =/= ineptly shot

  • nolife92

    the dialogue is supposed to sound like pretentious bullshit aphorisms delivered by pretentious bullshit talking head characters. this is the dark knight returns adaptation for fuck sake. also, it’s just a parody of grandiose mythological bullshit. all the characters act like parodies of their characters in the comics. they cut the sound and cut to black when jimmy olsen gets killed. they cut the sound and cut to black when superman rams some guy through a wall in his first scene. can’t you see zack snyder is belligerently giving you the finger ON PURPOSE and not because he’s the most retarded person to have ever lived? there’s a reason he keeps getting work. he’s just provocation master. yes, lex luthor is saying deliberately oblique shit. your responses to this are all the responses the film was going for. something’s not one-dimensional because all of the depth is in the visuals and the symbols and not outwardly spoken. you’ve been spoiled by tv dialogue.

  • nolife92

    not making the characters as they exist in the comics =/= no grasp of characterization. i guess frank miller has no grasp of characterization either. the fight was supposed to be contrived. it’s a commentary on how contrived the central concept is. it’s just fanboy(represented by lex luthor) circle jerking, not actually the “greatest gladiator match….”. when lex is saying that superman’s response to him is basically “are you fucking serious?” the point is that, even if you set up ideological differences, which this movie spends od time doing, the only way to get superman to actually want to hit batman(no cheating with red kryptonite) is to gaslight him for months and then threaten his mom. it’s to do some heavy ass salacious shit like that.

  • nolife92

    holly hunter is supposed to be an unlikable flip-floppy politician. lex luthor is the dumbest character in comics. he’s just a bald rich white dude who wants to kill superman…. just cause. this movie mocks that superficial motivation and it gives him depper motivations on top of that. lex luthor is the secret head of the justice league in this universe. isn’t there anything remotely cool about that?

  • nolife92

    no, it’s the opposite of what you’re saying. the film is OCD on a technical level: plot, characters, and everything. it’s emotional aims are just not what you guys want them to be. it’s going for deeply provocative media-destruction satire