Generic April Fool's Day Post | One of Us

Generic April Fool’s Day Post

6 Submitted by on Wed, 01 April 2015, 13:05

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Hold onto your hats, Oneofus.net fans because we have an announcement that will knock your TARDIS/Star Wars/Star Trek/Yu-Gi-Oh socks off! Oneofus.net has joined the Nerdist Network! That’s right, now you can hear all of our great content under the aegis of Nerdist Industries, but that’s not all…Chris Hardwick will personally appear on every single one of our podcasts weekly.

UPDATE

Unfortunately, the plan has been canceled for the merger with Nerdist industries and now, we’re sad to report that Oneofus.net is closing its doors for the forseeable future. Sadly, the network only wanted our shows that didn’t feature Chris and/or Brian and made the entirety of the rest of the content offers they couldn’t refuse to join their network. Having not enough content to continue, we are closing down. We appreciate all of you and thank you for your being one of the us (assuming you too weren’t bought out by the Nerdist Network).

UPDATE

Brian has announced his intention to run for president of Nerdist Industries. Shockingly, this is a publicly elected position, as it turns out, and we believe he may very well have enough support to take over the 600 lb gorilla of the podcasting world and re-brand it with the shows you love (that feature Brian and Chris) as the new headliners on their network. All of this became key when it turned out that after garnering enough votes to be on the ballot, the final decision comes down to a dance-off, which we’re confident Brian can TOTALLY take Hardwick in.

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UPDATE

In honor of Brian now running Nerdist Industries, as we knew he would, OnerdistOfUs.net is now promoting this wonderful day with a world tour. All of your favorite on-site talent will be touring their shows to every major city that exists, including yours! All you need to do is send in a picture of your parent’s credit cards (don’t forget the back as well!) and we’ll start making plans to send your favorite shows down to visit you!

Nerdist

UPDATE

While there is much to celebrate at our site right now, it comes tinged with a hint of sadness. During the dance-off competition with Chris Hardwick that Brian so masterfully triumphed in, Elliott fainted from all the excitement, falling back into Ashley, who fell into JC, who fell into a bowling ball rack, which sent a bowling ball flying in the air that ended its arc on top of Chris’s head. He is in critical care at UCLA Medical Center and under heavy sedation. More news as it comes in.

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UPDATE

Chris is awake and speaking now, although heavily medicated. He can’t remember what happened and, in fact, can’t remember anything. All of his experience, film history, and knowledge seem to have been lost. The Inauguration Ceremony for Brian is temporarily on hold as he is personally nursing Chris back to movie health by showing him a John Carpenter marathon in his hospital room.

UPDATE

We’ve had to come to terms with what has happened to Chris and realized that he can no longer perform his previous duties on the site as a film and tv critic (although he is starting a new podcast specifically about amnesiac sex in partnership with Dr. Nerdlove, so keep your eyes open for that: “Forget-Me-Nuts”). In friendship and in honor of their long history together, Tony Guerrero will be taking his place on the site, marking the first time he’s recorded movie reviews since the ending of Spill.com. We’re honored and pleased he’s taken this step to end his sabbatical to join his friends at onerdistofus.net!

(add your own updates in the comments, you know, if you want to)

Written by

Born in the wilds of northern Virginia, in 1992 Chris managed to put all of his survival skills to use and barely escaped with his life to Austin Texas, where ever since he’s dabbled in everything from plumber’s assistant to sandwich maker, from band to bar management. An opportunity to see theatrical release films for free, by becoming a critic on a local public access show called “The Reel Deal”, turned into a full time job when Chris and his friends decided to take it to the internet. They built the site Spill.com, adding multiple podcasts and animated features, to no small amount of success. During this time, a fortuitous friendship sprung up between Chris and young Brian Salisbury, who was also a local film critic, and they merged their forces of will, and their laundry list of ideas for shows, to eventually build this paradise you see before you.
  • Neil Kelly

    -Update-

    In a shock move that will surely rattle the movie podcast industry to the core, Martin has forcefully taken over OneofUs.net after the announced inclusion of Tony Guerrero. In an exclusive statement to all of his new shareholders, employees and prosoners, Martine said, “Recruiting Tony was a movie that undermined my position on the site. And there ‘aint no way I was going to stand for that!”
    There are now conflicting statements that Tony, Beau, and Richard have been forced into exile, and are taking shelter in an unkown location. They have called the latest series of events “some bullshit”.

    • dark knight fan

      Update. Disney has taken over Oneofus.net.

      • Neil Kelly

        Update: Martin Thomas has sold the intellectual property and rights for OneofUs.net to Disney for $4.2billion, and says he can “Now finally fulfill his lifetime ambitions of becoming Batman”.

  • theboogieman

    Yeah, an April Fool’s post! All the other usual sites I go on haven’t really done anything for April Fool’s, but I didn’t think One of Us would disappoint. I still remember the epic LEOG fight between Rubio and Harris, and when Spill gave the Justin Beiber movie a Better Than Sex rating just to troll the fans, and it totally worked as well.

  • quick_moranis

    They actually got me for a second, then I remembered the date. I was happy for you motherfuckers, getting that Nerdist money. Is Nerdist money good money?

  • Biaani Merino

    I wish the Tony Guerrero part was true… tell me it was all a huge elaborate way to just announce he is really coming to One Of Us!