You may have heard, last weekend we had a bit of a snow shower here in Indiana. I’m told it was on the news. There was a little snow, it was a little chilly, etc. I only know these things from looking out my window because from 5pm Friday until 9am Wednesday I didn’t leave my apartment. I didn’t see another person other than the idiots outside my window trying to drive.
So, this is a story about how a person ends up trying to find their old VHS of Top Gun at 3 am. Also known as the weekend we learned what happens when you leave me alone for almost 5 days.
Like most nerds, I am really good at entertaining myself. And my years of training prepared me perfectly for this opportunity. Almost 5 days of nothing to do but binge watch TV. I’m aware that some people may have done other things like play games or exercise or even talk to people, but since I live alone in a very tiny apartment and had absolutely no motivation, I did none of those other things. I’ve done some fairly impressive marathoning in my day, but this was my holy grail. (And yes, there was a Monty Python and the Holy Grail screening, sometime late Sunday afternoon if memory serves.)
Friday afternoon on my way home from work I made a quick stop at the grocery store to battle the masses for last minute provisions. Unfortunately this was the point of the weekend where I made a serious miscalculation that would come back to haunt me. I gravely underestimated my cookie and beer consumption. I also got caught up in the moment and decided to buy some bananas because that’s what everyone else was doing. I don’t like bananas, so that was obviously a good purchase.
I arrived home with high hopes for a focused viewing experience. I had used my time at work productively and had settled on a themed weekend of British shows. I had a couple of episodes of Atlantis and several Doctor Whos sitting in my DVR, and was more than ready to dive in to another Torchwood marathon. And, I assumed at some point I would dig out my DVD of the original version of The Office. Ah plans.
Turns out I forgot my attention span is worse than a three year old’s. My blizzard of 2014 experience quickly turned into a giant game of Six Degrees of TV Nonsense. I started Saturday morning with every intention of using my time wisely and getting my DVR cleaned out. After all, we’re less than a month from the Olympics and I’m going to need a lot of space for all the curling and ski jumping I’ll be recording. Sadly I’m not kidding. This noble quest lasted about 2 hours. As I started my journey with BBC’s Atlantis, I found myself getting distracted by the accents and couldn’t think about anything other than Torchwood. That’s fine right? It was part of the plan anyway…
This is where things starting falling apart. I made it 3 episodes before John Barrowman made me want to watch Arrow. Too bad I was already caught up on that thanks to the stupid December gap in new episodes, but that’s a rant for another day. Ultimately I decided my sadness over Arrow could only be alleviated by another hero without any superpowers, so out came my Batman collection. Surely I could make it through the Dark Knight trilogy without getting sidetracked, right? Wrong. Oh wait, is that Gary Oldman I see? Fiiiine, time for Prisoner of Azkaban. And Order of the Phoenix. (At some point I took a break to watch the Colts win one of the craziest games I’ve ever seen, but time had already lost all meaning to me by then.)
The weekend flew by as I went from Harry Potter to a sort-of Underworld marathon to a few episodes of Prison Break, through Monty Python and the Holy Grail and eventually to a valiant but doomed attempt to watch Life of Brian on the internet.
Sometime Monday I realized I needed to choose something and stick with it, I was starting to mix up story lines and wonder why American shows suddenly sounded like they were being done in British accents. I decided on The White Queen on Starz. One season. I knew I could do 10 hours and I love historical dramas, so I settled in determined to make it. And other than a brief dalliance with a few episodes of Community and a slightly longer flirtation with BSG just for kicks (and a break to watch the BCS National Championship game), I did it. I finished a show! Yes by this point that actually counted as an achievement.
By Tuesday evening I was a little bit bored, somehow tired after doing nothing for 4+ days, and dangerously close to watching the news or something educational. I watched a couple of episodes of Spartacus which always cheers me up, but my heart just wasn’t in it anymore. I was aimlessly channel surfing when it happened. I saw an ad for Oblivion on HBO. Tom Cruise? OH MY GOD I had to watch Top Gun or I was going to die. Problem, I don’t have it on DVD. It’s not on demand. I still don’t have Netflix. So, that is how I ended up digging through boxes in the back of my closet at 3 am trying (and failing) to find it on VHS. Had I found it, I have no idea how I planned on getting my old VCR hooked up.
Still, finding it may be a bit of an issue…
I think it’s safe to say it’s a good thing I had to be back at work late Wednesday morning. I’m not sure how much longer I could have lasted! How did you all entertain yourselves during the super awesome weather? I’m sure at least some of you were more productive than me…