Highly Suspect Reviews: Page 15 | One of Us

Highly Suspect Reviews: Page 15

Hosts: An Ever-Rotating Lineup of OOU.Net’s Unusual Suspects

That’s right, your favorite geek conglomerate website is now doing audio movie reviews! The cast of reviewers is subject to change even movie to movie, we have a whole rogues gallery of cinema outlaws, but one thing you can always count on is that these funny and insightful film reviews will always be, in some way, Highly Suspect.

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John Wick 2

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

Here’s your review starring Chris, Patience, Beau, JC, and Jon.

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War on Everyone

Director John Michael Donagh (The Guard, Calvary) is back with a crazy bad-cop action comedy starring Michael Peña and Alexander Skarsgård as two absurdly bad cops who don’t seem quite as bad when they’re chasing down Theo James as a rich British prick running a kiddy-porn ring. Chris Herman and Chris Cox review this one that you’re definitely not gonna want to let children watch, but you might want to tell your friends who are fans of The Nice Guys about…or folks who like Tessa Thompson being kinda sexy.

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Rings

Shouldn’t this feature Naomi Watts on a mining installation confronting thousands of Samaras with the help of some marines? No? FINE, I guess we’ll make our peace with the fact that this third chapter in the American version of The Ring franchise features more teenagers trying not to get killed while deciphering visions and uncovering history. Yeah, a lot like the first one. But with promise! So, Patience and Chris came out kinda mixed on this one. Check it out.

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The Comedian

Robert De Niro plays a comedian whose career barely is describable as a ‘career’ anymore. Folks only come out to see him because of a starring role he had on a sitcom in the 80s. One night enough is enough and he punches a heckler and is sentenced to community service. There he meets Leslie Mann and their friendship starts his career going again as he embraces the version of himself he has to become to be relevant today. But, it’s been awhile since we’ve seen much really memorable out of De Niro. Will this be the one that puts him back on top? Chris, Kyle, JC, and Beau let you know.

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The Space Between Us

Asa Butterfield is the first kid born not on Earth. No, I mean, not really, but he certainly doesn’t look like he’s from here with those big creepy eyes, amirite? Anyway, IN THIS MOVIE, Asa Butterfield plays the first kid born not on Earth; On Mars, to be specific. So he’s grown up with some different physical attributes than everyone else. But he falls for a girl on the internet (Britt Roberson) and then he HAS to go to Earth to meet her so he runs away once he’s there and the two go on a car trip together only OOPS…Earth gonna kill you, fool! What will happen? Will he survive? Will their love survive? Will anyone care? Chris, Elliott, and JC let you know.

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Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

Patience and Carlos join Chris for this straight-up spoiler-laden review of the newest and last film in Paul W.S. Anderson’s Resident Evil franchise. For those of you who are still all tied up in the “plot” (*snort*) of the films and don’t want anything spoiled, there’s a short spoiler-free intro and our ratings. But then, for the rest of you who just want to hear how BATSHIT crazy this series got, we give a rundown of the entirety of the Resident Evil films then dive into everything that made us WTF during this final entry.

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Gold

Matthew McConaughey is Kenny Wells, a schmucky businessman who can’t seem to save his failing mining company. Although his friends and girlfriend (Bryce Dallas Howard) stick with him, all is about to go tits-up WHEN…he has a dream…of gold in Indonesia. So, of course, he does what any reasonably sane, on the verge of liver failure alcoholic would do, he goes to Indonesia….and lo and behold, and certainly not immediately, he makes a huge gold strike. That being said, he definitely doesn’t live happily ever after. So how is this rise-and-fall story starring America’s favorite southern boy? Chris, Beau, Herman and JC let you know.

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Split

M Night’s latest tale of twisty horror (?) follows Anna Taylor-Joy and two less interesting teenage girls (that’s not me, that’s the movie making that declaration) who are kidnapped by James McAvoy and brought to a locked underground room. There, McAvoy gradually reveals that he is not just one person, but many, as he shows the Child, The Matron, and more personalities to the girls, seriously weirding them out and scaring them with predictions of The Beast to come. Meanwhile, he regularly visits a specialist therapist in the outside world and we’re not entirely sure why we’re seeing that part. In short, this is kind of a mixed bag and results may vary with your oneofus reviewers, Chris, Kyle, JC, and Jon.

And hey, check out the commercial we did for our review too!

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20th Century Women

Director Mike Mills took a look at his father through film with Christopher Plummer in 2010’s wonderful Beginners. Now, he turns the camera on his memories of his mother from 1979 with the sublime, 20th Century Women.

Annette Benning is the owner of a large house that rents rooms out to Billy Crudup and Greta Gerwig. As a single mom, she does her best to raise her pre-teen son Jesse but realizes soon that she needs help, and enlists her renters and a young neighbor girl (Elle Fanning) that Jesse has a crush on to help. Things don’t go as planned, everybody kinda learns something, and hell, you just watched one of the best movies of 2016. Seriously. Listen to Chris, Beau and Frank tell you the truth about this smart, great piece of cinema.

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XXX: The Return of Xander Cage

Vin Diesel returns, after skipping a movie and about 15 years, to the wanna-be x-treme sports spy franchise he started. This time, he’s got to deal with a device that can be used to throw satellites in orbit down to the Earth for destructive purposes and has to either fight or befriend folks like Donnie Yen and Tony Jaa to do it. What will happen? Will he survive? Will the star of the second film (Ice Cube) make a cameo? Will he say, “Family”? All this and more answered when you listen to the review from Chris, Herman, and JC.

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The Bye Bye Man

I suspect the most horrifying this about this movie is that the review for it starts out with Chris singing. Again. *sigh*

The titular monster makes you kill…possesses you…but it’s ok, all you have to do is be totally and completely unfamiliar with the name, “The Bye Bye Man” or his mythology and you’re safe. …. … oh, sorry.

This review is brought to you by Frank, Patience, and Carlos and narrated by Chris. Enjoy.

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Live By Night

Ben Affleck writes, directs, and stars in this adaptation of the Dennis Lehane novel, Live By Night. Which should be very exciting if you’ve seen Affleck’s previous directorial and/or writing efforts, Gone Baby Gone, The Town, and Argo, or previous adaptations of Lehane’s novels (Mystic River, Gone Baby Gone, Shutter Island). But does this tale of gangsters in the 20s live up to the expectations? We got mixed results from our group of critics (Chris, Herman, and Elliott).

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Silence

How does one review this type of film? I mean, yeah, it’s a film by Martin Scorsese, one of, if not the, greatest living directors. But it’s definitely not the type of output from him we generally expect. This deeply personal film about faith follows Andrew Garfield and (to a lesser extent) Adam Driver as two Portuguese priests who are sent to Japan during a time when the country was torturing and executing any Christians they found. The two search for their mentor (Liam Neeson) who has reportedly committed apostasy (look it up) but they just can’t believe it. Much hand-wringing and long, torturous deaths to follow. But is it…good? Well, we have differing reports on that. Listen to Richard, Chris, Beau, and Herman try to nail down what’s going on here.

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Underworld: Blood Wars

That’s right, there’s ANOTHER Underworld film out. I know it seems like only yesterday (but it was 2012…huh) that we sat through and reluctantly admitted how much we enjoyed Underworld: Awakenings, but here we are again, with Kate Beckinsale in tight vinyl outfits and trenchcoats, killing vampires and werewolves with guns, knives, and whatever happens to be nearby. Realizing that our review of this film (by Chris, Patience, and Carlos) will only really matter to a select few, we describe our feelings about it largely in the context of comparison to other Underworld films. Because if you were gonna start watching this series, you woulda done it by now.

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A Monster Calls

If Liam Neeson is coming to your window every night with story-based advice for you, it’s probably best to listen. Double that if he’s an Ent. Double DOUBLE that if your mom (Felicity Jones) is dying downstairs and, quite frankly, you’re having trouble dealing and could use some help.

A Monster Calls is from J.A. Bayona, director of The Orphanage and The Impossible and has been highly anticipated since its trailers leaked last year. But does it live up to the hype? Chris, Richard, Frank, JC, and Herman give you that bit of information.

And hey, we got a video of the review as well! Check it out!

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Hidden Figures

You will believe that black women can make a white dude fly!

Probably not the tag line they were looking for, but it’s kinda true. This is the story of the unheralded black women who were mathematicians for NASA in the 60s and who were essential to our space program. Sounds dry? Well, it’s not. You gotcher Taraji P. Henson as Katherine Johnson, yer Octavia Spencer as Dorothy Vaughn, and yer Janelle Monáe as Mary Jackson…all pretty incredible actresses having a ball of a time playing three incredible women. So yeah, we liked it. Listen to Beau, Chris, and Herman detail you further on this space voyage.

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Why Him?

Bryan Cranston just wants to see his little girl happy. Not to the extent where she gets married to internet zillionaire James Franco though. This Christmas, it’s war between Dad and wannabe son-in-law… Is the studio guy gone? Ok, whew. Yeah, this is bad, ok. Not Bad Santa 2 bad, but still. OMG, more like “Why Us?”. Hire some decent writers, for god’s sake, and stop it with this balls-in-the-face, oh look he said motherfucker in front of her dad, style ‘uncomfortable’ comedy. Seriously. I can’t be alone on this, right? Chris, Herman, Jon and Kyle agree with me, right? RIGHT? *sigh*

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Jackie

Natalie Portman plays Jackie Kennedy in this examination of the days following her husband’s assassination. While certainly an actor’s movie, Chilean director Pablo Larrain brings this tale of intense and unique grief to us in a non-linear style, framing it with a conversation between Jackie and a journalist (Billy Crudup). But did we all like it? Not as much as you’d think. There’s a wide range of reactions here from Beau, Herman, Frank, JC, and Richard. And a video version to watch to boot.

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Lion

Saroo Brierley was a tiny little tot of an Indian kid when he got separated from his family by falling asleep on a train which ended up on the other side of the continent. But he was lucky in that he was frickin’ adorable and was adopted by an Australian family (Nicole Kidman and David Wenham) who took him to Tasmania to grow up in relative luxury. Flash to many years later and adorable little Saroo has grown up into Dev Patel. He’s got a steady girl (Rooney Mara), a promising future, but then his memories start returning of that time before this family, his other family who he lost, and he starts obsessing over how to reconnect with them. Enter the real star of this film, Google Earth. Are we sure they didn’t produce this? Chris, Beau, Frank, Herman, and JC aren’t so sure.

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Assassin’s Creed

Michael Fassbender plays a bad dude. After a short ‘when he was young’ segment, the first time we see his character, he’s being trussed up to be given a lethal injection for his murderous crimes. Fortunately for him it’s a ruse, and a big corporation led by today’s version of the Knights Templar that have death row connections have secreted him away to their huge techy compound in Milan where they want him to connect to their big machine (THE CLAW!) and live out the memories of his assassin ancestor (also played by Fassbender) so he can tell them where an ancient artifact is. But, you know, they’re evil. And he’s kinda evil too. I think. Or something. Hell, I couldn’t figure it out. Chris, Beau, and Frank put their heads together the best they can on this review.

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Passengers

Chris Pratt wakes up 90 years before he scheduled to on a long-distance sleeper spaceship. What’s a guy to do for the rest of his life, by himself, on a high-tech luxury liner? A lot, at first, but eventually boredom sets in, then misery, then suicidal ideation…is it any wonder he ended up staring wistfully at Jennifer Lawrence’s sleeping body in her creche? Is it any wonder he sabotages her pod so that she wakes up early too and tells her it was an accident like his so they can fall in love? Is it any wonder that we’re all like, “I’m sorry film but WHAT?” But don’t worry, we gots lots of other stuff to be complainy about this one. Check out Chris, Beau, Frank, and JC on the review.

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Rogue One

OMG OMG OMG….it’s here. The new Star Wars. The first of the ‘Star Wars Stories’ series. To say we were nervous about whether or not this film would be good is putting it mildly. Gareth Edwards directs Felicity Jones leading a group of non-Jedi rough types to steal the plans for the Death Star in a story immediately preceding A New Hope.…Yes, nervous is putting it mildly. So how was it? Richard and Chris are on hand to tell you.

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