Highly Suspect Reviews: Hitman: Agent 47 | One of Us

Highly Suspect Reviews: Hitman: Agent 47

18 Submitted by on Fri, 21 August 2015, 14:59

In this sequel (reboot? who knows?) to the 2007 video game adaptation film, Rupert Friend shaves his head for the role of the unstoppable assassin, this time teamed up with a equally dangerous lady (Hannah Ware) and fighting Zachary Quinto. Does it fare any better than the original. Chris, Elliott and Richard have been given the contract to take this one out.


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Born in the wilds of northern Virginia, in 1992 Chris managed to put all of his survival skills to use and barely escaped with his life to Austin Texas, where ever since he’s dabbled in everything from plumber’s assistant to sandwich maker, from band to bar management. An opportunity to see theatrical release films for free, by becoming a critic on a local public access show called “The Reel Deal”, turned into a full time job when Chris and his friends decided to take it to the internet. They built the site Spill.com, adding multiple podcasts and animated features, to no small amount of success. During this time, a fortuitous friendship sprung up between Chris and young Brian Salisbury, who was also a local film critic, and they merged their forces of will, and their laundry list of ideas for shows, to eventually build this paradise you see before you.
  • Ryan Naughton

    Wow, this was depressing.

  • The films are nothing like the games. I really encourage people to check out the series. The next Hitman game coming out this year looks great.

  • Neil Kelly

    Aww. I don’t really know why but I was kind of hoping this would be a good film.

    • AlbinoAssassin

      You and me both. For some reason, the trailers gave me hope. Not a strong hope, but a fool’s hope.

  • Ken Walker

    Does this movie being so bad hurt Assassin’s Creed at all? or does it make us more hopeful that someone might actually get video game movies right?

    • AlbinoAssassin

      Personally it gives me hope. If you go back and take a look, the Prince of Persia film wasn’t bad. It wasn’t good as the director clearly didn’t give it his all, but it definitely is popcorn fun. With Ubisoft’s fingers in the actual production I’m willing to bet it will be at least passable. Its a numbers game here, eventually we have to get a win.

  • Batj()y

    Even the trailer looked like crap.

  • Andre Garcia

    Ready to apologies to Pixels?

    • Chris Cox

      You can’t honestly think that Pixels deserves any kind of apology.

      • Andre Garcia

        Wanna sit through this again?

        • Mr_Plainview

          Lol, that’s a huge logical fallacy. What you’re saying is like suggesting that if I got punched in the throat and balls, and considered the nut-shot to have been worse I’d be up for getting hit in the throat again. That makes no sense. I wouldn’t want to get hit in either again or hit anywhere for that matter.

          Pixels in an crime against art, cinema, storytelling, and general human decency. Just because another bad movie that may be worse then Pixels comes out it doesn’t absolve Pixels of its sins. Every single movie ever released for the rest of time could be worse then Pixels and that wouldn’t magically transform Pixels into a good movie, it would just mean all those movies sucked. One thing has nothing to do with the other.

          A movie must stand on its own merits, not it relation to the standing of others. Films/Art are not reviewed on a curve.

          • Andre Garcia

            You’re making Pixels sound like Bill Cosby.

        • Chris Cox

          I’d rather watch this again than Pixels, that’s for DAMN sure.

    • Tristan Milner

      Hitman is an adaptation of a pre-existing franchise. That foul image you posted is an affront toward humanity posing as a disaster film.

  • Keegan

    Will we be getting a Sinister 2 review? …any chance of some Cargill?

  • David Sagitas

    @2:45: “This guy has got to be part of the conspiracy, I don’t know why anyone has a conspiracy but someone clearly does, to make crappy adaptations of videogames.”
    Here’s why, Chris.